She's so ugly she would make a freight train take a dirt road.

Handy as a screen door in a submarine.

He's got for brain's that a worm has for eyebrows.

You can shear a sheep, but you can only skin him once.

Never argue with an idiot, people watching can't tell which one is which.

Live is to short to dance with ugly women.

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
it snowed azz deep tp big tall Indian.
grandpa would fart and say "catch that and paint it red"

He's got enough money to burn up a wet mule.

Go suck-start a 747

Suck the chrome off a trailer ball

That's my signature.

If dynamite was brains you couldn't blow your nose.

my brother was so ugly, mommy would borrow the neighbors baby when she went too town

so poor we had to whack the dog off to feed the cat..

She's even blonder than she looks.

"You would have better luck trying to f@#K a bobcat in a phone booth then mess with me"!

She looks like she was set on fire and put out with a pitchfork!

ya go to [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot] for lying the same as you do for stealing

thats so good it will make you slap your pappy.and pappy said boy you better not have some

Hotter than two dikes doing 69 in a 55

I didn't read them all but heres mine busier than a one armed paper hanger working like a Hebrew slave and one of my favorites if she had as many di%ks sticking out of her as she,s had stuck in her shed be a porcupine

Colder than a well diggers bhole in February.
Hotter than a fresh f'd fox in a Forrest fire

that babys so ugly its momma set it on the corner and fed it with a slingshot..