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how do you talk to someone who might die??? #6134998
01/23/18 05:23 AM
01/23/18 05:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,674
Illinois
foxkidd44 Offline OP
trapper
foxkidd44  Offline OP
trapper

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,674
Illinois
i know this sounds like a crazy question...had a friend who found out his cancer came back with a vengeance. the cancer came back in his throat and they've found it in other places in his body.in 2 weeks the docs are gonna have to hack out his voice box. he's really taking it hard .

theres a strong chance it might get him this time......I know nothing is never impossible.....but what do ya say??.......gonna go visit with him today before work...could really use some advice gang


Stand by your principles, Stand by your guns, and victory complete and permanent is sure at last.
Abraham Lincoln
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6134999
01/23/18 05:47 AM
01/23/18 05:47 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,896
Oakland, MS
Drifter Offline
trapper
Drifter  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,896
Oakland, MS
Let him take the lead on the conversation. Try to be positive but the visit is the best medicine for now. Lost a mentor to it as well years back. Another man that was a true friend told me you need folks to come visit in two places. If you are in jail or the hospital.


Some individuals use statistics as a drunk man uses lamp-posts — for support rather than for illumination.

Andrew Lang (1844-1912) Scottish poet, novelist and literary critic









Life member NTA , and GA Trappers assoc .
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135001
01/23/18 05:52 AM
01/23/18 05:52 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,198
Midlands South Carolina
S
SGT. C Offline
trapper
SGT. C  Offline
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,198
Midlands South Carolina
Be there for him. Let him talk all he wants. Your Job is to listen. He will let you know when he is ready for you to talk.

There is reason God gave you two ears but 1 mouth. My mom is terminal with cancer, I spent 16 days with her and she told me what she wanted and I did it. Never know her favorite flower is a white Rose. Guess what? She receive a big bouquet when she least expected it. Her smile said everything. So, be there for him and be a great listener. Sarge


Getting old is a fatal mistake

Always looking for reloading componets

I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135007
01/23/18 06:31 AM
01/23/18 06:31 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 6,535
Saginaw, Mi
M
micheal Offline
trapper
micheal  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 6,535
Saginaw, Mi
Just be there and listen

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135017
01/23/18 07:05 AM
01/23/18 07:05 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,947
South metro, MN
C
Calvin Offline
trapper
Calvin  Offline
trapper
C

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,947
South metro, MN
I've run into this a time or two. I pretend its just a normal day. They know they are dying and probably sick of thinking about it. If they want to talk about it, they will.

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: Calvin] #6135036
01/23/18 07:43 AM
01/23/18 07:43 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,444
Wisconsin
Muskrat Offline
trapper
Muskrat  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,444
Wisconsin
X2

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135037
01/23/18 07:47 AM
01/23/18 07:47 AM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 2,738
Iowa
C
coydog2 Offline
trapper
coydog2  Offline
trapper
C

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 2,738
Iowa
I have dealt with it 3 times.both my parents and a friend of my I lost last year.Just like stated be there for them.and have them look of all the things they can still do and plan to do.to take there mind off of it.because you and them dose not know when that time will come for them.have them look forward to do things no matter you need to be there with them to do it at times. but it all to take there mind off of it all.


Life member of DAV,NTA,NRA,ITA.Also member of FTA,CBA
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: Calvin] #6135039
01/23/18 07:51 AM
01/23/18 07:51 AM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 76
Clearfield County, PA
hubler13f Offline
trapper
hubler13f  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 76
Clearfield County, PA
Originally Posted By: Calvin
I've run into this a time or two. I pretend its just a normal day. They know they are dying and probably sick of thinking about it. If they want to talk about it, they will.


I agree with this to a point, but I have lost a lot of friends very quickly and unexpectedly. The thing is after they are gone it always seems there is something that was left unsaid, that leads to regret. Let them know how much they mean to you and how they changed your life, it will help both of you.


-OIF 05/03-08/04 -OEF 03/06-12/06 -OIF 11/07-01/09
PTA Member District 4
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: Calvin] #6135042
01/23/18 07:57 AM
01/23/18 07:57 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,717
Maine
M
Mac Offline
trapper
Mac  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,717
Maine
The ministry of presence is a very powerful ministry. One does not need be a minister, priest, or a Christian, Buddhist, or have any affiliation with any organization to offer the ministry of presence. All you need to do be is a decent human being. Be there for the person in question. Talk as a friend. Listen as a friend.

Avoid using worn out idiotic platitudes that are cheap and hollow, and that most everyone uses.
All of the common platitudes used most are not based on the Bible or any other document.

Just being there is powerful.

Mac

Last edited by Mac; 01/23/18 07:59 AM.


Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135078
01/23/18 08:46 AM
01/23/18 08:46 AM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,446
Houghton Lake, MI
strike2x Offline
trapper
strike2x  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 3,446
Houghton Lake, MI
Let the person decide what you talk about. My father passed away about 6 months ago and in the last months we had some of our best conversations. Most of the time I just listened. That is the important part. When my father passed we had both said and heard everything we needed to. This actually gave me a closure that many never get. We knew he was not going to live much longer and it did come up on occasion. You can't avoid it. Just be a friend.


Wish I had more time to trap....
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135081
01/23/18 08:48 AM
01/23/18 08:48 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,165
Central NC
T
traprjohn Offline
trapper
traprjohn  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,165
Central NC
..with dignity and grace...as my Bro. bowbrain said......let him lead the conversation.

Also, I've taken cards to play Go Fish or War or anything........or even board games like Trouble or Candyland.


www.sevenoakstrappingsupplies.com for trap mods and gear
The 10 Commandments are not suggestions.
Buy a soldiers meal EVERY chance you can.

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135091
01/23/18 09:14 AM
01/23/18 09:14 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 912
North Carolina
DaYooper14 Offline
trapper
DaYooper14  Offline
trapper

Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 912
North Carolina
Do your best to not look at them like they're already dead or with pity. Normal day as said before, let em lead. Prayers for your friend.


-- It seems all of Greece knows what is the right thing to do, but it is only the Spartans that do anything about it. --
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135094
01/23/18 09:18 AM
01/23/18 09:18 AM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 569
Nebraska
B
Bobcat77 Offline
trapper
Bobcat77  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 569
Nebraska
I struggled with this question in September, my father in law came home on Hospice with cancer. I went over and seen him on A Wednesday night, let him start the conversation and just went with it. He passed away a couple days later, I was and always will be glad that I went over to talk to him that last time. It was a hard thing to do, no kidding. One thing I thought of at that time was, there are a lot of people that die suddenly and there relatives/friends never get a chance for that last talk...so I guess if there is any silver lining to it getting an opportunity to have that last talk would be it.

Corey

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135128
01/23/18 10:01 AM
01/23/18 10:01 AM
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 11,194
Maine, Aroostook
Posco Offline
trapper
Posco  Offline
trapper

Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 11,194
Maine, Aroostook
I lost my best friend just about a year ago to cancer. We were there for each other no matter what. That kind of friend.

What he thought was the flu turned out to be cancer and by the time it was discovered it was so far advanced there was nothing to be done.

What's odd is, I was the one in denial. He knew he was dying and told me so but I refused to see it until the very last. He busied himself trying to wrap up as many loose ends as he could while he was still capable.

Toward the end we talked candidly about life and death. His eyes lit up when I asked him if I could have some of his ashes. I told him he crapped on me in life so I was going to put his remains under my outhouse and crap on him in death.

I spent the last night of his life in the hospital with him. He passed the following day before I could get back but he was surrounded by family and friends. His ashes are in my office and I'll spread them around my cabin once it's completed. He helped me on it every step of the way.

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135151
01/23/18 10:20 AM
01/23/18 10:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 25,692
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 25,692
nm
All above are solid advice. Lost several friends and family to cancer. One thing I can add is to thank them.

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135163
01/23/18 10:34 AM
01/23/18 10:34 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,369
N.C MO
T
TONY.F Offline
trapper
TONY.F  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,369
N.C MO
I agree with all the above listening and stay positive even though you and them know the inevitable the mind is a powerful drug! Being in one of those situations your self really changes how you look at people. And your ability to listen and make it enjoyable for both partys is key. Ask your self would you rather die smiling in pain or alone and afraid. And I will never say goodbye its always see you later good bye is to perment


LIVE LIFE LIKE THEIR IS NO TOMMORROW
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135164
01/23/18 10:34 AM
01/23/18 10:34 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,698
MONTANA
K
KC135A Offline
trapper
KC135A  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,698
MONTANA
As a good friend. Open and honestly. Tell him how special he is to you and others, recall the good times. Look forward to more good times. Encourage him to maximize every day and appreciate everyone around him.

Last edited by KC135A; 01/23/18 10:36 AM.
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135177
01/23/18 10:47 AM
01/23/18 10:47 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 292
SE Iowa
S
seiowatrapper Offline
trapper
seiowatrapper  Offline
trapper
S

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 292
SE Iowa
It's obvious that you are a good friend to this man, as your care for him is evident. As others have already wisely said...listen, encourage him and laugh about all of the good times. Ask him how you can help him. I am sure you will very well, because of your true concern for him. Best wishes during a tough time. I've been there too and it really sucks.

Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135188
01/23/18 10:57 AM
01/23/18 10:57 AM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 16,512
Oakland, MS
yotetrapper30 Offline
trapper
yotetrapper30  Offline
trapper

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 16,512
Oakland, MS
When Paul K. was diagnosed with cancer, I'd call him every week. I always knew it would be a 1-2 hour phone call, lol. Mostly, he just wanted to talk. Over that year, he told me soooo many stories about trapping, ginseng, politics, and the trapping world in general. I learned a lot, but mostly I was just wanting to give him the chance to talk and get his mind off of things, and he took me up on it. Once a phone call, I would ask how he was doing. Some days it would just be a "feel a bit better today" or maybe "I'm just so tired" but other times he would go into what was actually wrong, and I would just listen. There was about a 3 month period I didn't see him for, and when I did see him after that, I was just in shock over how much his health has deteriorated over that time, that I could hardly say anything. I just gave him a hug, and resumed our weekly calls afterwards. That was the last time I saw him.


~~Proud Ultra MAGA~~
Re: how do you talk to someone who might die??? [Re: foxkidd44] #6135205
01/23/18 11:11 AM
01/23/18 11:11 AM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,182
Idaville, Indiana
M
MB750 Offline
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MB750  Offline
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M

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,182
Idaville, Indiana
Having lost both of my brothers to cancer I can feel for you. The best thing you can do is just be there for them. Make no promises you can't keep. Try not to dwell on the dying part unless they want to talk of it. Talk of old times & better days you have shared through the years. Most of all allow them to die respecting you & you them. It isn't a walk in the park for either side, but you can make it go easier if you try.


For years I have been tomstrap, now I must change because of the whims of the cyber world. NRA Life, ISTA Life, FTA Life, NTA Life
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