Are you saying you can't?

the collapsible one you keep in your hand is wayyy better than the remote one. You can grease up your palm near the thumb with some light gun oil or just put some type of slick mess on your hand. It creates some of the darndest real squeaky wet farts you have ever heard. sounds like you have just squirted your drawers. makes for some funny times in the store.

ha ha my phone has an app that plays fart sounds when it rings. Makes for a good time in the store when I don't answer it.

The ringtone on my sons phone...only when I call him....is a huge Fart sound. He’s been in line at the bank and subway ,when I call ....and he gets the dirtiest looks ....then laughter,when he answers his phone...lol

I killed an old lady in Ishpeming, Michigan years ago with a huge, deadly, silent fart. I'm pretty sure anyway, but I did leave the seen. It was an accident. She came around the corner behind me real quick like.
Is there a statute of limitation for manslaughter?
You know it is a bad one when you have to get away from your own self. That one stuck in the fabric of my clothes forever, it seemed.

Call me kookie this post is killing me..I got tears running on my face.

My younger brother always the prude would say.. Jeesh can't ya find something else to talk about..Of course then someone would just fart..LOL

Mac

This is normal when you hit 70. The only problem is you have to watch something else don’t come out with it and it is only gas.

Thanks Guys I needed a Laugh this Morning .

This is one of the best threads I've seen on here in a long time! The story 52 Carl tells.....admits to is hilarious! Like Mac, I has tears dripping off my cheeks! Keep em going boys!

heck it's sweet corn season everywhere,who needs a device.good ol corn gas

Not mechanically operated by any means but I got fart bombed in W Mart by about a 400# on the hoof lady last week. She was in one of those fat carts and was rolling down the isle in front of me. As I got closer to her the smell hit me right in the face and as I hurried to get by her another lady rounded the corner headed my way and road blocked me right behind the one with the gas cloud. I couldn't get turned around fast enough......

worst thing i've saw was an elderlly woman with the walking farts at a funeral.

Might have a topper for this one LOL
My son was about 15 and in hospital after knee surgery. A older nun comes in room to visit as is pretty normal at this hospital.
She visits with us a bit think did a little prayer with the boy. Then as she walks out of the room toot's out a nice string of walking farts I ever heard... We waited until she was out the door before boy and I both bust a gut laughing.. Wife tried to explain it away saying it was her shoes on the floor.. Yea right. my hearing wasn't that bad even back then..
Got another nun story but that was about actual turd... so really not for this post...aaaahhhh! have to just pass :-)



Mac

OK........back in my much younger days when I was going to UW Lacrosse, I roomed in a house with a bunch of other vets. Anyway, Once in awhile, Muskrat (Mike) would accompany me grocery shopping at Quillin's IGA. I blundered into a very effective technique to get through the checkout in a very timely manner. When I was about ready to get in line at the register, I would "crop dust" the check out area, then make a circle through an isle or two, then it was clear sailing to pay for my groceries almost every time. I was very hard to keep a straight face at the checkout, especially when the checkout gal had such a contorted expression.

I still "dust" the isles at Woodman's every so often....

i'm from a little town and must say its the only time i've saw 50 people laughing at a funeral.

Don't need a contraption.I can fart the star spangled banner.

I see a video going viral...in your future !

Just the word Fart bring a smile to most guys face. Its a funnt word and the out come is even better.

That just plain showing off

Guess I was raised differently.