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Wisdom needed!!! #6324654
09/14/18 03:23 AM
09/14/18 03:23 AM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 365
Kansas
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Pawnee Offline OP
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Pawnee  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 365
Kansas
I posted a few weeks ago about my Marine buddy that lost his wife. He has 3 kids under 5 years old. She killed herself on the little guys Bday. It was his 1st birthday.

Iíve been asked if her headstone should show another date. Maybe 3-4 days plus or minus his birthday. I think it should not show the same date as her death. A little boy at the age of 10 doesnít need to put 2 & 2 together and figure out his mom kilted herself on his Bday. If he figures it out when he is a man. He can deal with it, but a little guy doesnít need to worry about things like that. A year from now WHO will remember the date! What do you guys think??


Hal is my Hero
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324667
09/14/18 03:35 AM
09/14/18 03:35 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 302
Rhinelander, WI
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N.Roberts Offline
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Posts: 302
Rhinelander, WI
What a terrible thing to need to worry about.

Could you just put years ? If she was my age, it would read 1977-2018 and leave out the exact date?

Hang in there.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324668
09/14/18 03:37 AM
09/14/18 03:37 AM
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,301
Marion Kansas
Y
Yes sir Offline
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Yes sir  Offline
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Marion Kansas
Yeah the kid shouldn't have to deal with that. Another option maybe just just month and year..??

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324672
09/14/18 03:38 AM
09/14/18 03:38 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 760
NW Ohio
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bleeohio Offline
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 760
NW Ohio
That sounds like a no win situation. My opinion on the headstone is to not have a lie etched in stone for the rest of their lives. Sad


John 3:18
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324674
09/14/18 03:44 AM
09/14/18 03:44 AM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,352
Southwest Michigan
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Michigan Trappin Offline
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Michigan Trappin  Offline
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Southwest Michigan
YEAR OF BIRTH AND YEAR OF DEATH IN THIS SITUATION IS WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST


Every day is a gift from GOD, don't waste it!!

If they have plenty of food, give them something interesting to smell
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324678
09/14/18 03:49 AM
09/14/18 03:49 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 978
NW MO
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TurkeyTime Offline
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TurkeyTime  Offline
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Posts: 978
NW MO
Yeah year and year.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324698
09/14/18 04:28 AM
09/14/18 04:28 AM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 15,597
nm
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adam m Offline
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adam m  Offline
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Another vote for year&year

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324801
09/14/18 11:02 AM
09/14/18 11:02 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,599
Michigan
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Trapper Dahlgren Online content
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Trapper Dahlgren  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,599
Michigan
yes just the year

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324804
09/14/18 11:04 AM
09/14/18 11:04 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,599
Michigan
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Trapper Dahlgren Online content
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Trapper Dahlgren  Online Content
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Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,599
Michigan
yes just the year my brother died 3 days before my birthday went I was 9 still think about it every year

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324811
09/14/18 11:20 AM
09/14/18 11:20 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,147
West Michigan
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Getting There Offline
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Getting There  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,147
West Michigan
How about the summer of 2018.


To Old
U.S. Army 60-63 SGT.
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324814
09/14/18 11:22 AM
09/14/18 11:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,902
Idaville, Indiana
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MB750 Offline
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Idaville, Indiana
My Grandmother died when my Dad was 2 months old. He was the last of 10 kids. He never mentioned her very often because "I never knew her." My Grandpa married a while later & Alma was my Grandma, the only one I knew.


For years I have been tomstrap, now I must change because of the whims of the cyber world. NRA Endowment, ISTA Life, FTA Life, NTA
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325026
09/14/18 06:32 PM
09/14/18 06:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,516
Shenandoah County, VA
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l1ranger Offline
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l1ranger  Offline
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Shenandoah County, VA
year only


Josh
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325050
09/14/18 07:32 PM
09/14/18 07:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,097
Kentucky
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Kyt Offline
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Kyt  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,097
Kentucky
We have good intentions to shield kids from the truth. But if he notices that other headstones have the month and day, he may wonder why his mothers is different. When he finds out the exact date, it may be more of a trauma to him because he will realize people were trying to hide it from him. The truth is he had nothing to do with it.

Personally, I would put the correct date on the stone. Then it will look like all the others. I'd make sure the kids know that their mother died because she was sick and felt she could not bear to live any longer. No one knows why she happened to die on that day. In her state of mind she may have had no idea it was his birthday.

I think people commit suicide because they are mentally, or physically,(or both) sick. Either way, it was not the kid's fault, so don't attach any special significance to the date. Then maybe he won't either.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325053
09/14/18 07:39 PM
09/14/18 07:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 15,195
Central, SD
Law Dog Online content
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Law Dog  Online Content
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Central, SD
Year only but I'd still have the talk about the postpartum issues and the mental health issues that come with it like Kyt pointed out when the time is right.

Just imagine keeping it from the child only to figure it out some day and the damage that might do then. A tough road to hoe either way but the truth is better then a lie any day. IMO


Was born in a Big City Will die in the Country OK with that!

Jerry Herbst
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325054
09/14/18 07:41 PM
09/14/18 07:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 5,667
Central Oregon
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AntiGov Offline
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Central Oregon
He's gonna know anyway.why all the trouble of a headstone ?
Just spread her ashes over the ocean


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Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: l1ranger] #6325191
09/14/18 11:28 PM
09/14/18 11:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,738
Central NC
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traprjohn Offline
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Central NC
Originally Posted By: l1ranger
year only


^^^The wife and I both agree...Ö.if he really wants to know as an adult, he can look it up in public records

Sadly, we've been there, done that, frown


www.sevenoakstrappingsupplies.com
The 10 Commandments are not suggestions.
Buy a soldiers meal EVERY chance you can.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325200
09/14/18 11:37 PM
09/14/18 11:37 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 365
Kansas
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Pawnee Offline OP
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Kansas
Thanks for the replies. I was thinking just like you all, but needed some reassurance


Hal is my Hero
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325255
09/15/18 01:01 AM
09/15/18 01:01 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 20,912
Minnesota
330-Trapper Offline
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330-Trapper  Offline
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Posts: 20,912
Minnesota
Yes Year only


NRA and NTA Life Member





Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325578
09/15/18 02:55 PM
09/15/18 02:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,097
Kentucky
K
Kyt Offline
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Kyt  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,097
Kentucky
Keep in mind the headstone is just one of several sources of that information. The other kids, the neighbors, the relatives may also be sources that let it slip or tell him on purpose. Kids can be mean when they are angry. Or the other kids may think he is somehow to blame and resent him. Good luck keeping it a secret.

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