No Profanity *** No Flaming *** No Advertising *** No Anti Trappers *** No Politics
No Non-Target Catches *** No Links to Anti-trapping Sites *** No Avoiding Profanity Filter


Home~Trap Talk~ADC Forum~Trap Shed~Wilderness Trapping~International Trappers~Fur Handling

Auction Forum~Trapper Tips~Links~Gallery~Basic Sets~Convention Calendar~Chat~ Trap Collecting Forum

Trapper's Humor~Strictly Trapping~Fur Buyers Directory~Mugshots~Fur Sale Directory~Wildcrafting

Trapper's Tales~Words From The Past~Legends~Archives~Kids Forum~Lure Formulators Forum


~~~ Dobbins' Products Catalog ~~~


Minnesota Trapline Products
Please support our sponsor for the Trappers Talk Page - Minnesota Trapline Products



Topic Options
Hop to:
#6324654 - 09/13/18 10:23 PM Wisdom needed!!!
Pawnee Offline
trapper

Registered: 12/12/17
Posts: 333
Loc: Kansas
I posted a few weeks ago about my Marine buddy that lost his wife. He has 3 kids under 5 years old. She killed herself on the little guys Bday. It was his 1st birthday.

Iíve been asked if her headstone should show another date. Maybe 3-4 days plus or minus his birthday. I think it should not show the same date as her death. A little boy at the age of 10 doesnít need to put 2 & 2 together and figure out his mom kilted herself on his Bday. If he figures it out when he is a man. He can deal with it, but a little guy doesnít need to worry about things like that. A year from now WHO will remember the date! What do you guys think??

Top
#6324667 - 09/13/18 10:35 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
N.Roberts Offline
trapper

Registered: 12/29/06
Posts: 271
Loc: Rhinelander, WI
What a terrible thing to need to worry about.

Could you just put years ? If she was my age, it would read 1977-2018 and leave out the exact date?

Hang in there.

Top
#6324668 - 09/13/18 10:37 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Yes sir Online   content
trapper

Registered: 01/25/17
Posts: 1141
Loc: Marion Kansas
Yeah the kid shouldn't have to deal with that. Another option maybe just just month and year..??

Top
#6324672 - 09/13/18 10:38 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
bleeohio Offline
trapper

Registered: 12/29/12
Posts: 682
Loc: NW Ohio
That sounds like a no win situation. My opinion on the headstone is to not have a lie etched in stone for the rest of their lives. Sad
_________________________
John 3:16

Top
#6324674 - 09/13/18 10:44 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Michigan Trappin Offline
trapper

Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 4160
Loc: Southwest Michigan
YEAR OF BIRTH AND YEAR OF DEATH IN THIS SITUATION IS WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST
_________________________
Every day is a gift from GOD, don't waste it!!

If they have plenty of food, give them something interesting to smell

Top
#6324678 - 09/13/18 10:49 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
TurkeyTime Offline
trapper

Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 911
Loc: NW MO
Yeah year and year.

Top
#6324698 - 09/13/18 11:28 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
adam m Online   content
trapper

Registered: 02/11/14
Posts: 14976
Loc: nm
Another vote for year&year

Top
#6324801 - 09/14/18 06:02 AM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Trapper Dahlgren Offline
trapper

Registered: 06/15/16
Posts: 2283
Loc: Michigan
yes just the year

Top
#6324804 - 09/14/18 06:04 AM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Trapper Dahlgren Offline
trapper

Registered: 06/15/16
Posts: 2283
Loc: Michigan
yes just the year my brother died 3 days before my birthday went I was 9 still think about it every year

Top
#6324811 - 09/14/18 06:20 AM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Getting There Offline
trapper

Registered: 09/29/12
Posts: 1015
Loc: West Michigan
How about the summer of 2018.
_________________________
To Old
U.S. Army 60-63 SGT.

Top
#6324814 - 09/14/18 06:22 AM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
MB750 Offline
trapper

Registered: 07/09/10
Posts: 1820
Loc: Idaville, Indiana
My Grandmother died when my Dad was 2 months old. He was the last of 10 kids. He never mentioned her very often because "I never knew her." My Grandpa married a while later & Alma was my Grandma, the only one I knew.
_________________________
For years I have been tomstrap, now I must change because of the whims of the cyber world. NRA Endowment, ISTA Life, FTA Life, NTA

Top
#6325026 - 09/14/18 01:32 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
l1ranger Offline
trapper

Registered: 01/19/14
Posts: 1475
Loc: Shenandoah County, VA
year only
_________________________
Josh

Top
#6325050 - 09/14/18 02:32 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Kyt Offline
trapper

Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 1061
Loc: Kentucky
We have good intentions to shield kids from the truth. But if he notices that other headstones have the month and day, he may wonder why his mothers is different. When he finds out the exact date, it may be more of a trauma to him because he will realize people were trying to hide it from him. The truth is he had nothing to do with it.

Personally, I would put the correct date on the stone. Then it will look like all the others. I'd make sure the kids know that their mother died because she was sick and felt she could not bear to live any longer. No one knows why she happened to die on that day. In her state of mind she may have had no idea it was his birthday.

I think people commit suicide because they are mentally, or physically,(or both) sick. Either way, it was not the kid's fault, so don't attach any special significance to the date. Then maybe he won't either.

Top
#6325053 - 09/14/18 02:39 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Law Dog Online   content
trapper

Registered: 12/11/10
Posts: 14734
Loc: Central, SD
Year only but I'd still have the talk about the postpartum issues and the mental health issues that come with it like Kyt pointed out when the time is right.

Just imagine keeping it from the child only to figure it out some day and the damage that might do then. A tough road to hoe either way but the truth is better then a lie any day. IMO
_________________________
Was born in a Big City Will die in the Country OK with that!

Jerry Herbst

Top
#6325054 - 09/14/18 02:41 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
AntiGov Offline
trapper

Registered: 01/05/14
Posts: 5411
Loc: Central Oregon
He's gonna know anyway.why all the trouble of a headstone ?
Just spread her ashes over the ocean
_________________________
Report a post club - Non member



Top
#6325191 - 09/14/18 06:28 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: l1ranger]
traprjohn Offline
trapper

Registered: 12/23/06
Posts: 7558
Loc: Central NC
Originally Posted By: l1ranger
year only


^^^The wife and I both agree...Ö.if he really wants to know as an adult, he can look it up in public records

Sadly, we've been there, done that, frown
_________________________
www.sevenoakstrappingsupplies.com
The 10 Commandments are not suggestions.
Buy a soldiers meal EVERY chance you can.


Top
#6325200 - 09/14/18 06:37 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Pawnee Offline
trapper

Registered: 12/12/17
Posts: 333
Loc: Kansas
Thanks for the replies. I was thinking just like you all, but needed some reassurance

Top
#6325255 - 09/14/18 08:01 PM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
330-Trapper Offline



Registered: 12/31/06
Posts: 20352
Loc: Minnesota
Yes Year only
_________________________
NRA and NTA Life Member






Top
#6325578 - 09/15/18 09:55 AM Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee]
Kyt Offline
trapper

Registered: 04/05/08
Posts: 1061
Loc: Kentucky
Keep in mind the headstone is just one of several sources of that information. The other kids, the neighbors, the relatives may also be sources that let it slip or tell him on purpose. Kids can be mean when they are angry. Or the other kids may think he is somehow to blame and resent him. Good luck keeping it a secret.

Top