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Wisdom needed!!! #6324654
09/13/18 11:23 PM
09/13/18 11:23 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
Pawnee Offline OP
trapper
Pawnee  Offline OP
trapper

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
I posted a few weeks ago about my Marine buddy that lost his wife. He has 3 kids under 5 years old. She killed herself on the little guys Bday. It was his 1st birthday.

I’ve been asked if her headstone should show another date. Maybe 3-4 days plus or minus his birthday. I think it should not show the same date as her death. A little boy at the age of 10 doesn’t need to put 2 & 2 together and figure out his mom kilted herself on his Bday. If he figures it out when he is a man. He can deal with it, but a little guy doesn’t need to worry about things like that. A year from now WHO will remember the date! What do you guys think??


Everything the left touches it destroys
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324667
09/13/18 11:35 PM
09/13/18 11:35 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 390
Missouri Ozarks
N
N.Roberts Offline
trapper
N.Roberts  Offline
trapper
N

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 390
Missouri Ozarks
What a terrible thing to need to worry about.

Could you just put years ? If she was my age, it would read 1977-2018 and leave out the exact date?

Hang in there.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324668
09/13/18 11:37 PM
09/13/18 11:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 10,063
Marion Kansas
Y
Yes sir Offline
"Callie's little brother"
Yes sir  Offline
"Callie's little brother"
Y

Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 10,063
Marion Kansas
Yeah the kid shouldn't have to deal with that. Another option maybe just just month and year..??

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324672
09/13/18 11:38 PM
09/13/18 11:38 PM

B
bleeohio
Unregistered
bleeohio
Unregistered
B



That sounds like a no win situation. My opinion on the headstone is to not have a lie etched in stone for the rest of their lives. Sad

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324674
09/13/18 11:44 PM
09/13/18 11:44 PM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,828
Southwest Michigan
M
Michigan Trappin Offline
trapper
Michigan Trappin  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: May 2014
Posts: 4,828
Southwest Michigan
YEAR OF BIRTH AND YEAR OF DEATH IN THIS SITUATION IS WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST


Every day is a gift from GOD, don't waste it!!

If they have plenty of food, give them something interesting to smell
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324678
09/13/18 11:49 PM
09/13/18 11:49 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,081
NW MO
T
TurkeyTime Offline
trapper
TurkeyTime  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,081
NW MO
Yeah year and year.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324698
09/14/18 12:28 AM
09/14/18 12:28 AM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 25,692
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 25,692
nm
Another vote for year&year

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324801
09/14/18 07:02 AM
09/14/18 07:02 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 13,964
Michigan
T
Trapper Dahlgren Offline
trapper
Trapper Dahlgren  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 13,964
Michigan
yes just the year

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324804
09/14/18 07:04 AM
09/14/18 07:04 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 13,964
Michigan
T
Trapper Dahlgren Offline
trapper
Trapper Dahlgren  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 13,964
Michigan
yes just the year my brother died 3 days before my birthday went I was 9 still think about it every year

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324811
09/14/18 07:20 AM
09/14/18 07:20 AM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 7,236
West Michigan
G
Getting There Offline
trapper
Getting There  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 7,236
West Michigan
How about the summer of 2018.


To Old
U.S. Army 60-63 SGT.
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6324814
09/14/18 07:22 AM
09/14/18 07:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,182
Idaville, Indiana
M
MB750 Offline
trapper
MB750  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,182
Idaville, Indiana
My Grandmother died when my Dad was 2 months old. He was the last of 10 kids. He never mentioned her very often because "I never knew her." My Grandpa married a while later & Alma was my Grandma, the only one I knew.


For years I have been tomstrap, now I must change because of the whims of the cyber world. NRA Life, ISTA Life, FTA Life, NTA Life
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325026
09/14/18 02:32 PM
09/14/18 02:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,986
Shenandoah County, VA
L
l1ranger Offline
trapper
l1ranger  Offline
trapper
L

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,986
Shenandoah County, VA
year only


Josh
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325050
09/14/18 03:32 PM
09/14/18 03:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,131
Kentucky
K
Kyt Offline
trapper
Kyt  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,131
Kentucky
We have good intentions to shield kids from the truth. But if he notices that other headstones have the month and day, he may wonder why his mothers is different. When he finds out the exact date, it may be more of a trauma to him because he will realize people were trying to hide it from him. The truth is he had nothing to do with it.

Personally, I would put the correct date on the stone. Then it will look like all the others. I'd make sure the kids know that their mother died because she was sick and felt she could not bear to live any longer. No one knows why she happened to die on that day. In her state of mind she may have had no idea it was his birthday.

I think people commit suicide because they are mentally, or physically,(or both) sick. Either way, it was not the kid's fault, so don't attach any special significance to the date. Then maybe he won't either.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325053
09/14/18 03:39 PM
09/14/18 03:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 34,759
Central, SD
Law Dog Online content
trapper
Law Dog  Online Content
trapper

Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 34,759
Central, SD
Year only but I'd still have the talk about the postpartum issues and the mental health issues that come with it like Kyt pointed out when the time is right.

Just imagine keeping it from the child only to figure it out some day and the damage that might do then. A tough road to hoe either way but the truth is better then a lie any day. IMO


Was born in a Big City Will die in the Country OK with that!

Jerry Herbst
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325054
09/14/18 03:41 PM
09/14/18 03:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 17,692
Central Oregon
AntiGov Offline
trapper
AntiGov  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 17,692
Central Oregon
He's gonna know anyway.why all the trouble of a headstone ?
Just spread her ashes over the ocean


Report a post club - Non member


Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: l1ranger] #6325191
09/14/18 07:28 PM
09/14/18 07:28 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,165
Central NC
T
traprjohn Offline
trapper
traprjohn  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,165
Central NC
Originally Posted By: l1ranger
year only


^^^The wife and I both agree...….if he really wants to know as an adult, he can look it up in public records

Sadly, we've been there, done that, frown


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Buy a soldiers meal EVERY chance you can.

Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325200
09/14/18 07:37 PM
09/14/18 07:37 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
Pawnee Offline OP
trapper
Pawnee  Offline OP
trapper

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
Thanks for the replies. I was thinking just like you all, but needed some reassurance


Everything the left touches it destroys
Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325255
09/14/18 09:01 PM
09/14/18 09:01 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 62,661
Minnesota
330-Trapper Offline

trapper
330-Trapper  Offline

trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 62,661
Minnesota
Yes Year only


NRA and NTA Life Member
www.BackroadsRevised@etsy.com




Re: Wisdom needed!!! [Re: Pawnee] #6325578
09/15/18 10:55 AM
09/15/18 10:55 AM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,131
Kentucky
K
Kyt Offline
trapper
Kyt  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,131
Kentucky
Keep in mind the headstone is just one of several sources of that information. The other kids, the neighbors, the relatives may also be sources that let it slip or tell him on purpose. Kids can be mean when they are angry. Or the other kids may think he is somehow to blame and resent him. Good luck keeping it a secret.

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