No Profanity *** No Flaming *** No Advertising *** No Anti Trappers ***NO POLITICS
No Non-Target Catches *** No Links to Anti-trapping Sites *** No Avoiding Profanity Filter


Home~Trap Talk~ADC Forum~Trap Shed~Wilderness Trapping~International Trappers~Fur Handling

Auction Forum~Trapper Tips~Links~Gallery~Basic Sets~Convention Calendar~Chat~ Trap Collecting Forum

Trapper's Humor~Strictly Trapping~Fur Buyers Directory~Mugshots~Fur Sale Directory~Wildcrafting~The Pen and Quill

Trapper's Tales~Words From The Past~Legends~Archives~Kids Forum~Lure Formulators Forum~ Fermenter's Forum


~~~ Dobbins' Products Catalog ~~~


Minnesota Trapline Products
Please support our sponsor for the Trappers Talk Page - Minnesota Trapline Products


Print Thread
Hop To
Page 1 of 2 1 2
A James' Christmas. #6400487
12/16/18 02:10 PM
12/16/18 02:10 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
Hal Offline OP
"old windy fartbag"
Hal  Offline OP
"old windy fartbag"

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
He was plum out of luck,
You know who I’m talkin’ ‘bout,
James, and he sucks.

In holiday spirit
We find our explorer,
Not Frosty the Snowman,
But Frosty the Lawyer.

With visions of sugarplums
Mind gone a racin’
‘Twas dreaming of lawsuits,
And ambulance chasin’

‘Twas thinking ‘bout Christmas
and got kind of haughty
‘Twas thinkin’ about girls
who he thought might be naughty.

When what to his wondering
Eyes were betrayed
The wrath of the one –
“She Who Must be Obeyed.”

He was in trouble
It couldn’t be worse
From “She” who runs ‘round
With his nuts in her purse.

So Frosty bemoaned
He was stuck in a rut
With holiday icons
Of candy and nuts.

When out on the lawn,
The ground started to shake,
Looks like our Jimmy
Had caused an earth quake.

'Twas just ol’ Saint Nicholas
Landing his sleigh.
“Get off my lawn!”
I heard Frosty say.

“For crying out loud!
I’m bringing a present.
Put down that rifle
You half-witted peasant.”

That was the rifle
‘Twas told by the bard,
With which he killed moose
at o’er 600 yards.

He blew on his moose call
Rose from his wheel chair.
And shooting from offhand,
Had placed one “right there”.

As he points to the spot
Near his last moose’s head
Where the bullet had entered,
And rendered it dead.

But Frosty the Lawyer
Knew just what to do.
“Get off of my lawn,
Or else I will sue!”

He sprang to the court,
With a Habeas Corpus.
Then swam away quick,
Like the tail of a porpoise.

In the blink of an eye,
On that holiday Saint
Had served up an order,
A writ of restraint.

And kids ‘round the world
found their Christmas gifts short
‘Cause James had ol’ Santa Claus
Tied up in court.

Ol’ Frosty the lawyer
Put clutches on Christmas
Sure as a land bridge
Can be called an isthmus.

Ol’ Frosty the Lawyer
Had hardened his heart
Sure as the stink
On a buffalo fart.

The spirit of Christmas
Was just a big mess.
Which James could not find
Even with GPS.

So through the fog-vision
Of things run amuck,
James yells, “That you Santa?”
Who answers, “You suck!”

‘Twas no tellin’ lies,
James was certainly sucky.
That Santa would stop here,
Should find himself lucky.

Otherwise all that
Poor Jimmy would got
Was coal, or fuel vouchers
stuffed into his sock.

While other good children
Would profit the most
From corn syrup concentrate,
Largely fructose.

And now like an actor
Just coming on stage
From “A Christmas Carol”
He’s torn out a page

He’s now got his crutches
Like poor Tiny Tim
In hopes that Saint Nick
Will feel sorry for him.

Or like other waifs
From the C. Dickens pool
Poor little Oliver
begging for gruel.

But Santa already
Had made out a list
Of folks that he liked
Or at whom he was pist.

T’would be no rewards
For those found unlucky,
Or given to folks,
Who were known to be sucky

He climbed to his sleigh
And was dashing away.
He was mounting the roof tops
When I heard him say:

“In holiday spirit
I wish you the best.
Merry Christmas to you,
But you suck nonetheless.”



[Linked Image]
La pervenche est une tr�s belle couleur!!


Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400508
12/16/18 02:30 PM
12/16/18 02:30 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 193
Columbia, MO
D
Denny Russell Offline
trapper
Denny Russell  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 193
Columbia, MO
Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but that sure gets me in the
Christmas Spirit.
Thank You Hal and my condolences to James if you do in fact suck.

Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400544
12/16/18 03:13 PM
12/16/18 03:13 PM

K
krispcritter
Unregistered
krispcritter
Unregistered
K



I have read here on good authority that he does in fact suck.

Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400549
12/16/18 03:16 PM
12/16/18 03:16 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,930
SEPA
L
Lugnut Offline
trapper
Lugnut  Offline
trapper
L

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,930
SEPA
Pretty good Hal. FlyingFinn will really appreciate that. I hear he's keen on poetry.


Eh...wot?

Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400555
12/16/18 03:26 PM
12/16/18 03:26 PM

B
bleeohio
Unregistered
bleeohio
Unregistered
B



Brought tears to my eyes,,,, for so many different reasons....

Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400564
12/16/18 03:33 PM
12/16/18 03:33 PM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,514
Missouri
B
Broomchaser Offline
trapper
Broomchaser  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,514
Missouri
Thank you for a good laugh.


Get the US out of the UN and the UN out of the US.
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400602
12/16/18 04:26 PM
12/16/18 04:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,103
7mtns of CENTRAL PA
GROUSEWIT Offline
trapper
GROUSEWIT  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,103
7mtns of CENTRAL PA
That really hits the spot here in PA where bobcat and fisher trapping season started yesterday and we're on our 3rd sucky day of rain!!!


NRALIFER,PRPA LIFER,HUNTER,FURTAKER
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400652
12/16/18 05:07 PM
12/16/18 05:07 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 308
Virginia
C
coontrapper2016 Offline
trapper
coontrapper2016  Offline
trapper
C

Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 308
Virginia
I feel that grouse wit. Creeks are so flooded here otter trapping is about pointless, and I don't know even know if wax dirt is gonna keep land traps working. It's been so wet the last couple months I only have about half the dry dirt together I need, and didn't get any waxed with the sun because weve had more rain and clouds than sun!

Last edited by coontrapper2016; 12/16/18 05:09 PM.
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: coontrapper2016] #6400722
12/16/18 06:11 PM
12/16/18 06:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,997
Otsego, MI 66
K
K-zoo Offline
trapper
K-zoo  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,997
Otsego, MI 66
Sir Hal, very touching. Moved me to tears.


Member NTA, MTPCA, FTA, NRA, MUCC
2 Cor. 5:17
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400751
12/16/18 06:50 PM
12/16/18 06:50 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,626
Flint, Michigan
bhugo Offline
trapper
bhugo  Offline
trapper

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,626
Flint, Michigan
Regular old Walt Whitman! Nice


Member MTPCA, FTA and NTA
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: K-zoo] #6400752
12/16/18 06:54 PM
12/16/18 06:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 915
Northern Virginia
J
Jarhead620 Offline
trapper
Jarhead620  Offline
trapper
J

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 915
Northern Virginia
I opened your composition just to say that I tried,
but before it was over I laughed until I cried.


Thanks, Hal

Last edited by Jarhead620; 12/16/18 06:55 PM.

"Just as the deer herd lives in mortal fear of its wolves, so does a mountain live in mortal fear of its deer." Aldo Leopold
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6400767
12/16/18 07:08 PM
12/16/18 07:08 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,852
meadowview, Virginia
E
EdP Offline
trapper
EdP  Offline
trapper
E

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,852
meadowview, Virginia
Wow, been working on that all year? It's awesome.

Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401355
12/17/18 12:35 PM
12/17/18 12:35 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
Hal Offline OP
"old windy fartbag"
Hal  Offline OP
"old windy fartbag"

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
It didn't take a year, it did take an hour or two.

[Linked Image]


[Linked Image]
La pervenche est une tr�s belle couleur!!


Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401357
12/17/18 12:40 PM
12/17/18 12:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,404
Northeast Oklahoma
M
Mike in A-town Offline
trapper
Mike in A-town  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,404
Northeast Oklahoma
Originally Posted by Hal
It didn't take a year, it did take an hour or two.

[Linked Image]


I bet that red hat made the critter easier to see when the time came to shoot it... Also, I figured it would be snowier in Alaska.

Mike


One man with a gun may control 100 others who have none.

Vladimir Lenin
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401523
12/17/18 05:21 PM
12/17/18 05:21 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
J
James Offline
"Minka"
James  Offline
"Minka"
J

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
Very good, Hal. I think this is a retread on last year's version, but it's still clever and funny.

That's a black wildebeest, not a reindeer, you bumpkin.

Jim


Forum Infidel since 2001

"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401539
12/17/18 05:58 PM
12/17/18 05:58 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
Hal Offline OP
"old windy fartbag"
Hal  Offline OP
"old windy fartbag"

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
I thought it was a buffalo.


[Linked Image]
La pervenche est une tr�s belle couleur!!


Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401541
12/17/18 06:03 PM
12/17/18 06:03 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
J
James Offline
"Minka"
James  Offline
"Minka"
J

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
Of course you did.

Jim


Forum Infidel since 2001

"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401570
12/17/18 07:03 PM
12/17/18 07:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,020
ohio
J
jctunnelrat Offline
trapper
jctunnelrat  Offline
trapper
J

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,020
ohio
Call it what you want. I'd say "dead!"

Merry Christmas.


jim
Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401573
12/17/18 07:06 PM
12/17/18 07:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 11,194
Maine, Aroostook
Posco Offline
trapper
Posco  Offline
trapper

Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 11,194
Maine, Aroostook
And from what does this mutual animosity and disdain stem?

Re: A Jame's Christmas. [Re: Hal] #6401603
12/17/18 07:48 PM
12/17/18 07:48 PM
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 10,308
MT
S
snowy Offline
trapper
snowy  Offline
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 10,308
MT
Very good! Nice to have some fun and be able to take the fun. LOL


Give me a fish, I will eat for a day. Teach me to fish, I will eat for a lifetime
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread