A James' Christmas.
#6400487
12/16/18 02:10 PM
12/16/18 02:10 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423 Blue Creek, Ohio
Hal
OP
"old windy fartbag"
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OP
"old windy fartbag"
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
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‘Twas the night before Christmas, He was plum out of luck, You know who I’m talkin’ ‘bout, James, and he sucks.
In holiday spirit We find our explorer, Not Frosty the Snowman, But Frosty the Lawyer.
With visions of sugarplums Mind gone a racin’ ‘Twas dreaming of lawsuits, And ambulance chasin’
‘Twas thinking ‘bout Christmas and got kind of haughty ‘Twas thinkin’ about girls who he thought might be naughty.
When what to his wondering Eyes were betrayed The wrath of the one – “She Who Must be Obeyed.”
He was in trouble It couldn’t be worse From “She” who runs ‘round With his nuts in her purse.
So Frosty bemoaned He was stuck in a rut With holiday icons Of candy and nuts.
When out on the lawn, The ground started to shake, Looks like our Jimmy Had caused an earth quake.
'Twas just ol’ Saint Nicholas Landing his sleigh. “Get off my lawn!” I heard Frosty say.
“For crying out loud! I’m bringing a present. Put down that rifle You half-witted peasant.”
That was the rifle ‘Twas told by the bard, With which he killed moose at o’er 600 yards.
He blew on his moose call Rose from his wheel chair. And shooting from offhand, Had placed one “right there”.
As he points to the spot Near his last moose’s head Where the bullet had entered, And rendered it dead.
But Frosty the Lawyer Knew just what to do. “Get off of my lawn, Or else I will sue!”
He sprang to the court, With a Habeas Corpus. Then swam away quick, Like the tail of a porpoise.
In the blink of an eye, On that holiday Saint Had served up an order, A writ of restraint.
And kids ‘round the world found their Christmas gifts short ‘Cause James had ol’ Santa Claus Tied up in court.
Ol’ Frosty the lawyer Put clutches on Christmas Sure as a land bridge Can be called an isthmus.
Ol’ Frosty the Lawyer Had hardened his heart Sure as the stink On a buffalo fart.
The spirit of Christmas Was just a big mess. Which James could not find Even with GPS.
So through the fog-vision Of things run amuck, James yells, “That you Santa?” Who answers, “You suck!”
‘Twas no tellin’ lies, James was certainly sucky. That Santa would stop here, Should find himself lucky.
Otherwise all that Poor Jimmy would got Was coal, or fuel vouchers stuffed into his sock.
While other good children Would profit the most From corn syrup concentrate, Largely fructose.
And now like an actor Just coming on stage From “A Christmas Carol” He’s torn out a page
He’s now got his crutches Like poor Tiny Tim In hopes that Saint Nick Will feel sorry for him.
Or like other waifs From the C. Dickens pool Poor little Oliver begging for gruel.
But Santa already Had made out a list Of folks that he liked Or at whom he was pist.
T’would be no rewards For those found unlucky, Or given to folks, Who were known to be sucky
He climbed to his sleigh And was dashing away. He was mounting the roof tops When I heard him say:
“In holiday spirit I wish you the best. Merry Christmas to you, But you suck nonetheless.”
La pervenche est une tr�s belle couleur!!
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6400544
12/16/18 03:13 PM
12/16/18 03:13 PM
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krispcritter
Unregistered
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krispcritter
Unregistered
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I have read here on good authority that he does in fact suck.
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6400549
12/16/18 03:16 PM
12/16/18 03:16 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,930 SEPA
Lugnut
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,930
SEPA
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Pretty good Hal. FlyingFinn will really appreciate that. I hear he's keen on poetry.
Eh...wot?
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6400555
12/16/18 03:26 PM
12/16/18 03:26 PM
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bleeohio
Unregistered
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bleeohio
Unregistered
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Brought tears to my eyes,,,, for so many different reasons....
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6400564
12/16/18 03:33 PM
12/16/18 03:33 PM
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,514 Missouri
Broomchaser
trapper
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trapper
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 1,514
Missouri
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Thank you for a good laugh.
Get the US out of the UN and the UN out of the US.
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6400602
12/16/18 04:26 PM
12/16/18 04:26 PM
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,103 7mtns of CENTRAL PA
GROUSEWIT
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,103
7mtns of CENTRAL PA
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That really hits the spot here in PA where bobcat and fisher trapping season started yesterday and we're on our 3rd sucky day of rain!!!
NRALIFER,PRPA LIFER,HUNTER,FURTAKER
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6400652
12/16/18 05:07 PM
12/16/18 05:07 PM
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 308 Virginia
coontrapper2016
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 308
Virginia
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I feel that grouse wit. Creeks are so flooded here otter trapping is about pointless, and I don't know even know if wax dirt is gonna keep land traps working. It's been so wet the last couple months I only have about half the dry dirt together I need, and didn't get any waxed with the sun because weve had more rain and clouds than sun!
Last edited by coontrapper2016; 12/16/18 05:09 PM.
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: K-zoo]
#6400752
12/16/18 06:54 PM
12/16/18 06:54 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 915 Northern Virginia
Jarhead620
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 915
Northern Virginia
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I opened your composition just to say that I tried, but before it was over I laughed until I cried.
Thanks, Hal
Last edited by Jarhead620; 12/16/18 06:55 PM.
"Just as the deer herd lives in mortal fear of its wolves, so does a mountain live in mortal fear of its deer." Aldo Leopold
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6401357
12/17/18 12:40 PM
12/17/18 12:40 PM
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,404 Northeast Oklahoma
Mike in A-town
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,404
Northeast Oklahoma
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It didn't take a year, it did take an hour or two. I bet that red hat made the critter easier to see when the time came to shoot it... Also, I figured it would be snowier in Alaska. Mike
One man with a gun may control 100 others who have none.
Vladimir Lenin
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6401523
12/17/18 05:21 PM
12/17/18 05:21 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379 Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
James
"Minka"
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"Minka"
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
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Very good, Hal. I think this is a retread on last year's version, but it's still clever and funny.
That's a black wildebeest, not a reindeer, you bumpkin.
Jim
Forum Infidel since 2001
"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6401570
12/17/18 07:03 PM
12/17/18 07:03 PM
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Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,020 ohio
jctunnelrat
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 1,020
ohio
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Call it what you want. I'd say "dead!"
Merry Christmas.
jim
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6401603
12/17/18 07:48 PM
12/17/18 07:48 PM
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 10,308 MT
snowy
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 10,308
MT
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Very good! Nice to have some fun and be able to take the fun. LOL
Give me a fish, I will eat for a day. Teach me to fish, I will eat for a lifetime
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Posco]
#6401613
12/17/18 08:03 PM
12/17/18 08:03 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,907 PA
elkaholic
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,907
PA
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And from what does this mutual animosity and disdain stem? They both suck and are competing to see who is the bigger suckhole.
Millions of trees die every year to print environmentalist publications
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6401632
12/17/18 08:35 PM
12/17/18 08:35 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379 Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
James
"Minka"
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"Minka"
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
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Nah, I conceded the Biggest Suckhole title to Hal years ago.
Jim
Forum Infidel since 2001
"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: waggler]
#6401639
12/17/18 08:38 PM
12/17/18 08:38 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,930 SEPA
Lugnut
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,930
SEPA
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And from what does this mutual animosity and disdain stem? I'd guess from a bit of envy. You mean Hal wishes he was an ambulance chasing lawyer and James wants to be an old windy fartbag?
Eh...wot?
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: Hal]
#6401645
12/17/18 08:43 PM
12/17/18 08:43 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423 Blue Creek, Ohio
Hal
OP
"old windy fartbag"
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OP
"old windy fartbag"
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,423
Blue Creek, Ohio
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La pervenche est une tr�s belle couleur!!
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Re: A Jame's Christmas.
[Re: snowy]
#6401731
12/17/18 10:02 PM
12/17/18 10:02 PM
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,404 Northeast Oklahoma
Mike in A-town
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,404
Northeast Oklahoma
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Very good! Nice to have some fun and be able to take the fun. LOL They go back and forth like a couple of old women... But I have to wonder where Hal got that picture. Are they pen (email) pals? Mike
One man with a gun may control 100 others who have none.
Vladimir Lenin
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