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Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623183
09/23/19 06:34 AM
09/23/19 06:34 AM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 28,978
potter co. p.a.
P
pcr2 Offline
"Twerker"
pcr2  Offline
"Twerker"
P

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 28,978
potter co. p.a.
Feb.17 i was probably saved by a pair of state troopers.had i stayed on the mental path i was on i don't know if i'd be typin this now.

have no urge to ever drink again and pray i don't.

hang in there our friend.we are all here for ya as they all were for me.









Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623292
09/23/19 09:52 AM
09/23/19 09:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 8,879
Central MN, sort of old
MnMan Offline
trapper
MnMan  Offline
trapper

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 8,879
Central MN, sort of old
My sympathies go out to you and hope this could be a wake up call for her. You are getting some excellent advice here. Take care of yourself number one. This can be extremely stressful.
I have been in this exact situation and unfortunately it did not work out. After treatment she went right back to drinking and eventually cancer took her away. It was a wake up call for me, however, and after observing what alcohol was doing to her and our family, I gave it up. It will be 25 years sober for me next March 13th.

Last edited by MnMan; 09/23/19 10:31 AM.

I'm just happy to be here! Today I'm as young as I'll ever be and and older than I've ever been before!
Re: DUI [Re: KeithC] #6623309
09/23/19 10:07 AM
09/23/19 10:07 AM
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,706
Ohio
Ronaround Offline
trapper
Ronaround  Offline
trapper

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,706
Ohio
Originally Posted by KeithC
Since her response to you was "pure defiance", I would leave her in jail. She needs to realize her bad behavior effects you and the rest of your family too.

Keith

I kind of agree with this. ^^
A little humble pie should have been in order. if she comes home and starts drinking again you have a Big decision to think over.
I wish you the best on what ever you do!

Re: DUI [Re: Ronaround] #6623378
09/23/19 11:43 AM
09/23/19 11:43 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,292
East-Central Wisconsin
B
bblwi Online content
trapper
bblwi  Online Content
trapper
B

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,292
East-Central Wisconsin
A lot of that defiance toward you is due to anger and fear with others and herself. You can choose to do what you feel is best for you but just letting her set in jail because she is angry is probably not what is going to free her from the disease and behavior she has shows.

Bryce

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623381
09/23/19 11:50 AM
09/23/19 11:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,740
Wisconsin
B
Bear Tracker Offline
trapper
Bear Tracker  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,740
Wisconsin
Getting a lot of armchair QB decisions here. You will have to decide what is right for you. Know that you have friends here that will support you in whatever you decide. Will keep you in my prayers.

Last edited by Bear Tracker; 09/23/19 11:51 AM.
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623405
09/23/19 12:45 PM
09/23/19 12:45 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 4,822
Nevada
N
nvwrangler Offline
trapper
nvwrangler  Offline
trapper
N

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 4,822
Nevada
Warrior, I have walked in your shoes. There is only one truth to everything that has been said and that is " Nothing will change till she wants it too!" You can't force her to get help or make her see the light until she is the one making the choice to seek help.

I'll Pm you my number and feel free to call with questions or to just vent.

I watched my wife drink herself to an early grave and what it did to her kids and to mine ( our second marriage for both), she got 3 dui in a year and a half and then spent a year and a half in prison. To be honest even after all that it was, getting drunk and almost ruining her sons wedding that I saw some change to her behavior and trying to change. She past away after a surgery (blood clot) that was needed due to years of drinking, less then a month later.

Did I love her any less NO but it sure hurt those around her and we are still recovering.

Only you can know what you can handle and what the effect is on your kids .

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623491
09/23/19 04:02 PM
09/23/19 04:02 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,278
Va
O
Owen156 Offline
trapper
Owen156  Offline
trapper
O

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,278
Va
I have been in your situation. I tried being sympathetic and supportive but it wore me out and I had nothing left to give. You cant save someone from themselves, they have to do it. Take care of yourself because her alcohol altered brain sure will not do it. If kids are involved get them away from the situation. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and know the effects it has on a kid even into adulthood. Good luck my brother, you have a hard row to hoe.

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623500
09/23/19 04:15 PM
09/23/19 04:15 PM
Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 294
Montana
A
Antelope Montana Offline
trapper
Antelope Montana  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Oct 2016
Posts: 294
Montana
When i was younger i had four dui's.
Lost my license for more than 20 years.
Everyone has their.own problems and I doubt.you'll find
the answers here.

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623509
09/23/19 04:32 PM
09/23/19 04:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,960
Northern Nevada
B
Bob Offline
trapper
Bob  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,960
Northern Nevada
You cannot help her until she’s ready to be helped. Letting her deal with the consequences may wake her up. Once she is ready to heal give her support and grace, don’t rub all this in her face ever unless she starts up again.


"I have two guns, one for each of ya."
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623561
09/23/19 06:12 PM
09/23/19 06:12 PM
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,177
Albany, NY
B
bobsheedy Offline
trapper
bobsheedy  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 3,177
Albany, NY

Prayers and best wishes for you, Brenda and your family.

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623663
09/23/19 08:58 PM
09/23/19 08:58 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 25,692
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 25,692
nm
Do not kick her out, that will hurt the kids and you more than you want to imagine. It is a catch 22 to do so, yes it might give her the wake up call she needs but it also might drive her to drink more especially with the increase of depression. Let her go before the judge, be prepared for her having a suspended license vehicles turned into inflatable cars. Do not even attempt taking her anywhere where alcohol is served or sold. Yes she might still find a way to get it but the less exposure the better. The exception is grocery stores but avoid the booze section. It will be hard for all of your family to go through this together, but remember your vows.

Prayers continue.

Last edited by adam m; 09/23/19 10:42 PM. Reason: added text
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623668
09/23/19 09:08 PM
09/23/19 09:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 23,481
New Hampshire
N
Nessmuck Offline
trapper
Nessmuck  Offline
trapper
N

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 23,481
New Hampshire
My friend had a sauce hound for a wife.....tried and tied...he finally got some relief when here liver gave out. She loved the Jack Daniels too much.


It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623715
09/23/19 10:10 PM
09/23/19 10:10 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
Pawnee Offline
trapper
Pawnee  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
Still praying for you and your family. I’ve spent my life watching my dad deal with employees with this problem. It takes s lot of patience, and prayer. Only had one that we couldn’t help. God bless


Everything the left touches it destroys
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623764
09/23/19 11:20 PM
09/23/19 11:20 PM
Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 13
PA
whtwtr79 Offline
trapper
whtwtr79  Offline
trapper

Joined: Sep 2018
Posts: 13
PA
I've been in your shoes and now am a single dad as a result. It's gotta be tough love from here on out. You cannot help someone who doesn't want to help them self. But, you can lay down some rules as to how your your family will move forward. Be supportive, but do not be an enabler!!!! That was my mistake. The problem is, an addict brings down everyone close to them. Don't let it happen to you or your family. Do what is best, the rest will sort itself out. I'd be happy to answer any questions via pm if you'd like. Good luck brother, I'll pray for you.


Life's a river, not a beach.
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623790
09/24/19 12:21 AM
09/24/19 12:21 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 20,914
North East Kansas
Marty Offline
trapper
Marty  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 20,914
North East Kansas
There is an aa type program for spouses, alanon or something like that, they will be able to help. I wish you the best.


E
'Honey Badger Militia'
Sleep, the anti woke adote.
Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623804
09/24/19 01:04 AM
09/24/19 01:04 AM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
F
FairbanksLS Offline
trapper
FairbanksLS  Offline
trapper
F

Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
Most people don't wake up one morning and say today I'm going to turn into an alcoholic. Often there is an underlying problem. Two reasons to drink in excess, your young and happy or drowning your problems. Or at least that's where it starts. You probably know which it is.


formerly posting as white dog
Re: DUI [Re: whtwtr79] #6623851
09/24/19 06:53 AM
09/24/19 06:53 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,927
SEPA
L
Lugnut Offline
trapper
Lugnut  Offline
trapper
L

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 19,927
SEPA
Originally Posted by whtwtr79
I've been in your shoes and now am a single dad as a result. It's gotta be tough love from here on out. You cannot help someone who doesn't want to help them self. But, you can lay down some rules as to how your your family will move forward. Be supportive, but do not be an enabler!!!! That was my mistake. The problem is, an addict brings down everyone close to them. Don't let it happen to you or your family. Do what is best, the rest will sort itself out. I'd be happy to answer any questions via pm if you'd like. Good luck brother, I'll pray for you.


Spot on.


Eh...wot?

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623861
09/24/19 07:18 AM
09/24/19 07:18 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 5,570
Dunbar, Wisconsin
P
Pike River Offline
trapper
Pike River  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 5,570
Dunbar, Wisconsin
Never wouldve thought so many guys have had issues ththe drunk wives/mothers/girlfriends. Society usually paints the man as the deadbeat drunk while our women glamourize morning mimosas, lunch wine, afternoon margaritas and evening cocktails.

The media needs to do a better job shaming this toxic behaviour.


Wishing everyone here the strength to stand strong and tall.

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623910
09/24/19 08:18 AM
09/24/19 08:18 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 5,570
Dunbar, Wisconsin
P
Pike River Offline
trapper
Pike River  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 5,570
Dunbar, Wisconsin
Oh I think it effects both sexes. I think one is just more hidden or dismissed which is really unfortunate.

Re: DUI [Re: warrior] #6623963
09/24/19 09:43 AM
09/24/19 09:43 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 329
Hayden, Idaho
B
BlueDuck Offline
trapper
BlueDuck  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 329
Hayden, Idaho
This will pass. One step at a time. Best of luck to you and your wife.

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