My uncle always told us kids to fight nice.

(Breaking horses) Keep a leg on each side and your mind in the middle and you'll do just fine.
(Big breasts) Looks like 2 pigs flopping in a gunny sac.
I am so old I use to ride dinosaurs.
That's harder than woodpecker lips.

My brother and I in separate boats "digging shells" (dragging wire hooks on river bottom to get muscle shells) telling each other how many 5 gallon buckets full had, my grandpa (in a nearby boat) cut in proudly saying "when I get the one I'm working on and 3 more I'll have 4."

"Do you live close by, or did you ride your bike?"
If he caught on to me laying it down kinda thick, he'd say, " You stepped in what?"
If he was pretty sure that I might be laying it down kinda thick, he'd say, " Oh, you think so," while giving me the hairy eye.
If he got tired of listening to what I was rambling on about, he'd cover it up by saying, "Oh, you bet." That might be my favorite one because it covers every angle of what was said because he didn't say that he was betting, but projected that I should bet, but didn't indicate which way I should bet.

My grandpa had two other sayings I remember. When some one passed gas, he'd say, "Cap'n who?"
When he passed gas, he would fart and say, "And two makes eight."

I worked with an old powder monkey as his gofer. If things weren't going well, he would always mutter, "Horse sh*t and rubber tits." I finally asked him what he meant by that, and he said, " Things ain't right if you got your hands full of either of those things."

My grandpa owned a orchard and would hire people of all types to do work.
For years he'd tell me as I worked with him to prune trees, chop weeds, etc.; "Boy, God made sure did make people different colors!"

For years I thought that meant literal "color." Black, white, brown, yellow, etc.

I found out many years later that's not what grandpa meant as he explained to me,

"I'm not talking about outside color because we're all the same color on the inside literally. I mean God made people of "different colors" = people come in all manner of nice, polite, mean, rude, crude, fun, loving, upbeat, downbeat, and so on...."

Marry a woman with small hands.