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Clean joke thread. #6834460
04/08/20 12:31 PM
04/08/20 12:31 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 7,188
Greene County,Virginia
R
run Offline OP
trapper
run  Offline OP
trapper
R

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 7,188
Greene County,Virginia
Does anyone have clean jokes to share? I think people are taking things way too serious. I can't think of any right now so please help me out. Thanks.

Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834462
04/08/20 12:34 PM
04/08/20 12:34 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,829
New York border
Cragar Online content
trapper
Cragar  Online Content
trapper

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,829
New York border
I don't have any clean jokes , let me wash my dirty ones and get back to you. laugh


NRA benefactor member
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834464
04/08/20 12:35 PM
04/08/20 12:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 226
East Central Wi.
coyote addict Offline
trapper
coyote addict  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 226
East Central Wi.
Whats Blue and smells like red paint ?...………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Blue paint ! blush


Member -W.T.A. - N.T.A. - N.R. A.
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834471
04/08/20 12:41 PM
04/08/20 12:41 PM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,928
100 Mile House, BC Can
bctomcat Offline
trapper
bctomcat  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,928
100 Mile House, BC Can
Why did the one handed man cross the road, duh----------------- to get to the second hand store of course.


The only constant in trapping is change so keep learning.






Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834475
04/08/20 12:45 PM
04/08/20 12:45 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 394
Indiana
D
DanN Offline
trapper
DanN  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 394
Indiana
What's easier to unload a truck load of bowling balls or lawyers ? ----------------- the lawyers - because you cant use a pitchfork on the bowling balls.

Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834498
04/08/20 01:03 PM
04/08/20 01:03 PM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 27,438
potter co. p.a.
P
pcr2 Offline
"Twerker"
pcr2  Offline
"Twerker"
P

Joined: May 2010
Posts: 27,438
potter co. p.a.
ooooops,wrong thread. laugh


Elno's 5 hole golf course and yatch club

Team Savell
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834503
04/08/20 01:05 PM
04/08/20 01:05 PM
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,928
100 Mile House, BC Can
bctomcat Offline
trapper
bctomcat  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,928
100 Mile House, BC Can
You can't beat the ol' trappers best friend his loyal Husky!...................................with a FULL TANK OF GAS !


The only constant in trapping is change so keep learning.






Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834660
04/08/20 03:17 PM
04/08/20 03:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 6,522
On Georgian Bay, Ontario Canad...
H
Hutchy Offline
trapper
Hutchy  Offline
trapper
H

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 6,522
On Georgian Bay, Ontario Canad...
A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for some lipstick. The clerk asks "are you paying cash?"

The duck says, "no, just put in on my bill"







A man walks into a drugstore, and asks a young employee for help. The man says "I have a heck of a cough, what can I take?"

The young worker, first day on the job, thinks fast and hands the man a bottle of Ex lax laxative. He tells the man to drink it all.

The man drinks the Ex lax, thanks the young man, pays for it and walks toward the exit. . As he is opening the door to leave, he freezes and stands still as a statue.

Just then the pharmacist, seeing this walks up and asks the young worker what happened. Explaining the mans cough symptoms, he tells the pharmacist that he gave the man Ex lax.

"you can't treat a cough with Ex lax!!!" the furious pharmacist shrieks.

Calmly, and without missing a beat, the young employee leans in and says "Look at him....he's too scared to cough!"



Last edited by Hutchy; 04/08/20 03:18 PM.
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834669
04/08/20 03:25 PM
04/08/20 03:25 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,618
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
T
Trapper7 Offline
trapper
Trapper7  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,618
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
A government environmentalist makes a stop at a farm. He tells the farmer he is here to inspect his farm to be sure he isn't mistreating his animals and that they live in sanitary conditions.

The farmer says that would be fine, but that the inspector should stay out of the pen on the north side of the barn. The inspector pulls a badge and says, "Do you see this badge? This badge says I can go anywhere on your property that I want! I don't need your permission!"

The farmer says OK and that he had to finish a few repairs.

About five minutes go by when the inspector is seen running in the pen on the north side of the barn with a terrified look on his face while being chased by the farmer's Holstein bull. "Help!" The inspector screams.

The farmer hollers, "Show him your badge! Show him your badge!"


Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms should be a convenience store, not a government agency.
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834743
04/08/20 04:40 PM
04/08/20 04:40 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 703
AK
F
FL cracker in AK Offline
trapper
FL cracker in AK  Offline
trapper
F

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 703
AK
You have to say this joke with a heavy speech impediment on the letters s and r. Read this story out loud, or you probably won't be able to figure out some of the words. It took me forever to write, with the stupid auto correct spelling assist thingamabobber on my phone. And before anybody gets their pannies in a twist, I had these two speech impediments till I was 7 years old and read a book about a famous scientist named Michael Farraday, and how corrected his own lisp, which helped overcome my own. So if anyone gets upset over the joke, as I used to say before I was 7," Go thtick youw head in a commode thwee timeth, and pull it out twithe for all I cawe!".
Thewe'th thith boy with a thpeech impediment, hith family moveth to a new town. Hith mothew hath told him all kindth of ekthiting thowieth about the new thchool he'll be attending, how nithe evewyone will be, and no one will make fun of hith lithp. He'th all ekthited the fiwtht mowning of thchool, and ith impathiently waiting for the thchool buth to come. When it finally wolled up, and the doow thwung open, and ath he caught hith fiwth glimpthe of the dwivew, he put on the biggetht gwin you evew had theen, and thaid, " Good mawning, Mithtew buth dwivew!". The buth dwivew thlammed the doow thhut befowe the boy could get on, and the buth thped away!
The boy wath heawt bwoken, not being able to go to the new thchool, and bethideth that, hith mothew didn't believe hith thtowy, and whupped him good fow miththing the buth. He notithed the buth dwivew had been weawing glaththeth, tho maybe he couldn't thee vewy good. The nekt mowning, he got wight up clothe to the edge of the woad, tho thuwely the buth dwivew would thee him... but only to have the thame wethult: the door thlamming, the buth thpeeding off, and thith time hith fathew whipping him fow miththing the buth!
The nekt mowning, detewmined to make the buth, he got in the middle of the woad, and ath the buth appwoached, began jumping up and down and waving hith awms, thhouting, " Buth dwivew, buth dwivew!" Ovew and ovew again! Without any thign of theeing the boy, the buth wan him ovew! On the buth, thewe wath complete thilenthe, ath the buth dwivew thlammed on the brakes, tuwned awound, and thaid to the thhocked thtudentth, "That boy been making fun of my thpeech impediment fow thwee dayth wunning now, and I wath tiwed of it!"

Last edited by FL cracker in AK; 04/08/20 04:48 PM.

Psalm 34:6
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834752
04/08/20 04:48 PM
04/08/20 04:48 PM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 203
N.Y.,E. Adks
TRADER TUT Offline
trapper
TRADER TUT  Offline
trapper

Joined: May 2014
Posts: 203
N.Y.,E. Adks
Being best Irish friends Patty was beckoned to Mike's bedside . Mike wanting Pat to close his affairs upon his passing . " Pat me friend I have little $ but share it evenly with my 2 kids & the widow O'Shea whom has been very nice to me every since my wife passed. Now out in the back pantry up on the top shelf out of sight is a unopened bottle of Wild Irish Rose. When the last shovel of earth has been placed on my grave, Uncap said bottle & pour it all over grave. Patty's look was horrified . Mike ?'s. what can you not handle my request . Well yes but but would you mind if I run it thru my kidneys first ".....










7


I Farm The Forest
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834758
04/08/20 04:54 PM
04/08/20 04:54 PM
Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 2,469
Beatrice, NE
L
loosegoose Offline
trapper
loosegoose  Offline
trapper
L

Joined: Jun 2018
Posts: 2,469
Beatrice, NE
One fly said to the other....Hey, is this stool taken?

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says "hey pal, why the long face?"

Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834761
04/08/20 04:57 PM
04/08/20 04:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,651
Oregon
beaverpeeler Offline
trapper
beaverpeeler  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,651
Oregon
Two disabled kids were at their middle school dance. The boy was blind in one eye and had a painted wooden eye for the replacement, the girl had a hair lip. After noticing that nobody had asked the girl to dance the boy finally overcame his self-consciousness enough to ask her if she would like to dance. Overcome with joy at finally being asked she exclaimed: "WOULD I -WOULD I-WOULD I"!!!!! To which the boy angrily shouted back: '"HAIR LIP HAIR LIP HAIR LIP!!!!!"


Yesterday our heritage, tomorrow our legacy, today our responsibility.
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834763
04/08/20 05:00 PM
04/08/20 05:00 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,186
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,186
nm
A joke my kids friend (from RMDH-NY) told us. She lost her battle about 3 years ago

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove it wasn't chicken.

Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834828
04/08/20 06:03 PM
04/08/20 06:03 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,959
Shenandoah County, VA
L
l1ranger Online content
trapper
l1ranger  Online Content
trapper
L

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,959
Shenandoah County, VA
A duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks into the store and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past week asking for grapes. I told you every time, no, we don’t have any grapes! I swear, if you come back in here again and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!” The duck left and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good. Got any grapes?”


Josh
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834831
04/08/20 06:04 PM
04/08/20 06:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,648
Indiana
K
keystone Offline
trapper
keystone  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,648
Indiana
What do indians do when they run out of toilet paper? ...........They tear a piece off theTeePee!!!

Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834849
04/08/20 06:23 PM
04/08/20 06:23 PM
Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 941
IA
T
teepee2 Offline
trapper
teepee2  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jul 2017
Posts: 941
IA
Hey, watch it there!

Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834978
04/08/20 08:25 PM
04/08/20 08:25 PM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 435
s.e. mn
T
timbremn Offline
trapper
timbremn  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 435
s.e. mn
Did your hear about the gay midget?.....He just came out of the cupboard


"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."-Max Planck
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834981
04/08/20 08:29 PM
04/08/20 08:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,814
Houghton Lake, MI
strike2x Offline
trapper
strike2x  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 2,814
Houghton Lake, MI
If you get an email titled knock knock don't open it, it is Jehovah witness working from home.


Wish I had more time to trap....
Re: Clean joke thread. [Re: run] #6834995
04/08/20 08:42 PM
04/08/20 08:42 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 127
N. Idaho
B
burke243 Offline
trapper
burke243  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 127
N. Idaho
what is the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral one???


TASTE!!

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