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Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas #6967138
08/17/20 08:23 PM
08/17/20 08:23 PM
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,630
Green Bay, Wisconsin
tlguy Offline OP
trapper
tlguy  Offline OP
trapper

Joined: May 2013
Posts: 2,630
Green Bay, Wisconsin
I've been going back and forth on whether or not to post anything about this, but like many on here, lots of you feel like extended family. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice, but I wouldn't turn down some words of encouragement. 2020 has been rough, I lost my job in March, now this. I can't say it was totally out of the blue, but that doesn't lessen the sting at all. It's felt more like a roommate type relationship withour the benefits than a marriage for longer than I care to admit. She moved in with me after about a year of dating seriously, and she got pregnant about 6 months later. We got married because it seemed like the right thing to do, now I'm not so sure. We had our daughter 5.5 years ago and finally got married about 3 years ago. Our daughter is the best thing I've ever made, and I don't regret our decision to have her for a second. She's an amazing kid and surprises me every day.

For now I'm staying with my parents in the same school district only a few miles away. She's going to try and keep the house, which is fine with me since we only have a year into it and no equity. She's never made a mortgage payment as long as we've been together, through the 3 houses we've had in that time. Luckily we don't have any shared debt other than the house, and neither of us wants any child support or alimony since we're planning to split custody of our daughter. Unfortunately the divorce won't be finalized until Janiary and I can't even get started getting a new loan on a house until it's done. I'm planning to use the time living with my parents to pay down credit card debt so I have a lower debt to income ratio when it comes time to get a new house.

I don't care if this fades away and most ignore it. It's been therapeutic just writing this out. I may even delete it later. Like those letters you write then burn up. But im sure there are others on here who have been in my shoes, though I never thought I'd be in this position until recently.

Thanks for reading, and I hope your 2020 is going a heck of a lot better than mine.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967144
08/17/20 08:28 PM
08/17/20 08:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,093
Va. Lee Co.
D
Donnie H Online content
trapper
Donnie H  Online Content
trapper
D

Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,093
Va. Lee Co.
Prayers from Va.


Donnie

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967149
08/17/20 08:31 PM
08/17/20 08:31 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 811
N.Y./N.J.
T
traphound Offline
trapper
traphound  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 811
N.Y./N.J.
Going thru a divorce can seem like its the worst thing that can happen to you at the time,but for me it was the best thing that ever happened to me in a long run. Good luck with whatever you do. My only advise is get a good lawyer.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967150
08/17/20 08:33 PM
08/17/20 08:33 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,109
MN
D
Donnersurvivor Offline
trapper
Donnersurvivor  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,109
MN
Sorry this is happening to you. I am also going through it. Wife had major struggles with mental illness after my brother died, his death seemed to set her off. Spent 100k on treatment for her, didnt help. She decided to leave and clean out the rest of our savings, she also filed taxes by herself and claimed the entire 100k in deductions so now I have a heckuva tax bill.

I'm 30 and back at my parents, not proud of it, don't like it. Had to bust my butt this summer to try and pay off the taxes, haven't even had time to pursue the divorce. By 30 together we had saved almost 400k, plan was to buy a house free and clear, my goal now is to be at zero again by the end of this year.

The only time I did not wake up dreaming about her was when I went on a couple brief dates with another girl, didn't amount to much and the dreams are back.

You can PM me anytime if you'd like.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967154
08/17/20 08:35 PM
08/17/20 08:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,442
sw iowa
Outlaw99 Offline
trapper
Outlaw99  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,442
sw iowa
Been there, done thst. 2021 will be better, and 2022 will be better than 21. My advise, leave the radio off, leave the bottle down, and find something physical to do, and do it over and over again. Its easier to get rest and not make stupid decisions when youre busy kicking your own rear end daily. Time will take care of it.


Not everyone likes me, but not everyone matters
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967155
08/17/20 08:37 PM
08/17/20 08:37 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,871
Firth, Nebraska
jabNE Offline
trapper
jabNE  Offline
trapper

Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 5,871
Firth, Nebraska
You are in my thoughts and prayers bud. Not fun, not fun indeed. Went through it myself and have helped several family and friends through it too. It does get better.
Take a day at a time, take care of your self and those you love. Eat well, sleep well, best you can, it matters. Somehow you will get through it, but it does take time.
Stay busy, find way to help and stay busy. Clean, fix something, it all matters and helps.
Jim

Last edited by jabNE; 08/17/20 08:41 PM.

Money cannot buy you happiness, but it can buy you a trapping license and that's pretty close.
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967156
08/17/20 08:37 PM
08/17/20 08:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 3,820
Dunbar, Wisconsin
P
Pike River Offline
trapper
Pike River  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 3,820
Dunbar, Wisconsin
Hang in there. But now than a decade from now. ....That dont make anything any easier at this timr and place though. Be tough be strong. You got this.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967158
08/17/20 08:41 PM
08/17/20 08:41 PM
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 3,075
Kansas
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Pawnee Offline
trapper
Pawnee  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 3,075
Kansas
So sorry to hear. Ill be praying for you. I mean that!

You too Donnersurvivor. Both of you take care and God bless


Everything the left touches it destroys
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967163
08/17/20 08:46 PM
08/17/20 08:46 PM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,171
Central Ontario, Canada
C
Crit-R-Dun Offline
trapper
Crit-R-Dun  Offline
trapper
C

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,171
Central Ontario, Canada
Hang in there. Time heals. If it was inevitable, delaying will only make it more difficult and more complicated. You got your whole life ahead of you and a wonderful child to share it with.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967166
08/17/20 08:47 PM
08/17/20 08:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,010
Marion Kansas
Y
Yes sir Offline
trapper
Yes sir  Offline
trapper
Y

Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 4,010
Marion Kansas
I learned in my divorce the only thing we can control is if we get back up after being knocked down. Sometimes we know we are going to just get knocked down again by getting up but eventually you will overcome it.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967168
08/17/20 08:48 PM
08/17/20 08:48 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 4,350
Northern Wisconsin,Rhinelander
Hodagtrapper Offline
Muskrat Master
Hodagtrapper  Offline
Muskrat Master

Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 4,350
Northern Wisconsin,Rhinelander
Divorce is never easy but you seem to have a good grasp on things. It sounds amicable and you both want what is best for your daughter. Great idea on paying down your credit card debts.Good luck in the future and enjoy the outdoors as that can be therapeutic!

Chris


>>In God we trust<<
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967170
08/17/20 08:50 PM
08/17/20 08:50 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,378
centrel PA
K
Kevin Colpetzer Offline
trapper
Kevin Colpetzer  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,378
centrel PA
The best way to get over one, is to get on another one. Seriously I feel for ya man.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967173
08/17/20 08:52 PM
08/17/20 08:52 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 8,354
Champaign County, Ohio.
K
KeithC Offline
trapper
KeithC  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 8,354
Champaign County, Ohio.
I hope it goes as well as possible for you.

Never say anything bad about your exwife to your daughter. Hopefully she doesn't say anything bad about you to your daughter. It crushes a child psyche when they are pulled into a fight between their parents.

Men typically get screwed over by the system in a divorce. Make sure every agreement is in writing. Don't trust that the divorce will stay amicable. Always be very careful what you say when leaving a message for or sending a text to your exwife. Be careful with sharing details with people you both know. Don't let your exwife goad you into making a poor decision.

Good luck.

Keith

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: KeithC] #6967177
08/17/20 08:53 PM
08/17/20 08:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,109
MN
D
Donnersurvivor Offline
trapper
Donnersurvivor  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,109
MN
Originally Posted by KeithC
Don't trust that the divorce will stay amicable.
Keith



Take that advice seriously.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967183
08/17/20 08:57 PM
08/17/20 08:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 9,058
Oakland, MS
Drifter Offline
trapper
Drifter  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 9,058
Oakland, MS
Get your own lawyer! Know a guy lost everything doing the one lawyer deal. Went in to court and everything was changed from what was agreed on.


�Still, if you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than live as slaves. � � Winston Churchill








Life member NTA , and GA Trappers assoc .
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967185
08/17/20 08:58 PM
08/17/20 08:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,045
Aliceville, Kansas
Yukon John Offline
trapper
Yukon John  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,045
Aliceville, Kansas
No words, other than best of luck, stay strong, but know it's okay to be vulnerable...just don't be naive.


"I'm a man.. I'm 40!"-Mike Gundy
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967193
08/17/20 09:06 PM
08/17/20 09:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,998
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 20,998
nm
Sorry to hear that. I'll be praying for you guys.
In order to split custody without child support you both would need to figure out a 50/50 schedule which includes holidays birthdays etc... I know lots of people with 50/50 custody and it works great. Example: you have your daughter Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend. She has her Wed & Thursday and every other weekend. Obviously mothers day daughter with mom fathers day daughter with dad. Then you need to figure out who claims her on taxes. One of you will have 1 more day than the other in the year.
Gotta figure out all debts, financials (all income, retirement, bank accounts etc..) check with broker to see if there's equity, the market is insane right now houses are selling well over asking.

Figure out this stuff now and don't use the courts so when you go to court you don't waste anyone's time or money.

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967197
08/17/20 09:07 PM
08/17/20 09:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,441
Wisconsin
M
Moosetrot Offline
trapper
Moosetrot  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,441
Wisconsin
My observation is that most start out very amicable but then wind up being all about dollars and cents. I want to echo the advice on a lawyer. They can handle a lot of the stuff that might get nasty.

Thoughts and strength to you!

Moosetrot

Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967199
08/17/20 09:08 PM
08/17/20 09:08 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,641
Sandhills Nebraska
G
Gary Benson Offline
trapper
Gary Benson  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,641
Sandhills Nebraska
I certainly can't offer any good advice on this subject.


I know I'm paranoid......but am I paranoid ENOUGH???
Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas [Re: tlguy] #6967215
08/17/20 09:19 PM
08/17/20 09:19 PM
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 423
WISCONSIN
W
Wild_WI Offline
trapper
Wild_WI  Offline
trapper
W

Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 423
WISCONSIN
I agree with many of these posts went through it a few years back, we had 4 kids I got all of them due to circumstances after the rough stuff it was one of the best things that happened found my best freind and her and I have been happily married ever since. Not giving advice just a comment when ya get back on the horse look for someone with similar interests / hobbies its made the years fly by ... Good luck brother

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