Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
#6967138
08/17/20 09:23 PM
08/17/20 09:23 PM
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Joined: May 2013
Posts: 3,162 Green Bay, Wisconsin
tlguy
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: May 2013
Posts: 3,162
Green Bay, Wisconsin
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I've been going back and forth on whether or not to post anything about this, but like many on here, lots of you feel like extended family. I'm not looking for sympathy or advice, but I wouldn't turn down some words of encouragement. 2020 has been rough, I lost my job in March, now this. I can't say it was totally out of the blue, but that doesn't lessen the sting at all. It's felt more like a roommate type relationship withour the benefits than a marriage for longer than I care to admit. She moved in with me after about a year of dating seriously, and she got pregnant about 6 months later. We got married because it seemed like the right thing to do, now I'm not so sure. We had our daughter 5.5 years ago and finally got married about 3 years ago. Our daughter is the best thing I've ever made, and I don't regret our decision to have her for a second. She's an amazing kid and surprises me every day.
For now I'm staying with my parents in the same school district only a few miles away. She's going to try and keep the house, which is fine with me since we only have a year into it and no equity. She's never made a mortgage payment as long as we've been together, through the 3 houses we've had in that time. Luckily we don't have any shared debt other than the house, and neither of us wants any child support or alimony since we're planning to split custody of our daughter. Unfortunately the divorce won't be finalized until Janiary and I can't even get started getting a new loan on a house until it's done. I'm planning to use the time living with my parents to pay down credit card debt so I have a lower debt to income ratio when it comes time to get a new house.
I don't care if this fades away and most ignore it. It's been therapeutic just writing this out. I may even delete it later. Like those letters you write then burn up. But im sure there are others on here who have been in my shoes, though I never thought I'd be in this position until recently.
Thanks for reading, and I hope your 2020 is going a heck of a lot better than mine.
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967150
08/17/20 09:33 PM
08/17/20 09:33 PM
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,528 MN
Donnersurvivor
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,528
MN
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Sorry this is happening to you. I am also going through it. Wife had major struggles with mental illness after my brother died, his death seemed to set her off. Spent 100k on treatment for her, didnt help. She decided to leave and clean out the rest of our savings, she also filed taxes by herself and claimed the entire 100k in deductions so now I have a heckuva tax bill.
I'm 30 and back at my parents, not proud of it, don't like it. Had to bust my butt this summer to try and pay off the taxes, haven't even had time to pursue the divorce. By 30 together we had saved almost 400k, plan was to buy a house free and clear, my goal now is to be at zero again by the end of this year.
The only time I did not wake up dreaming about her was when I went on a couple brief dates with another girl, didn't amount to much and the dreams are back.
You can PM me anytime if you'd like.
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967154
08/17/20 09:35 PM
08/17/20 09:35 PM
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,822 sw iowa
Outlaw99
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,822
sw iowa
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Been there, done thst. 2021 will be better, and 2022 will be better than 21. My advise, leave the radio off, leave the bottle down, and find something physical to do, and do it over and over again. It’s easier to get rest and not make stupid decisions when you’re busy kicking your own rear end daily. Time will take care of it.
Not everyone likes me, but not everyone matters
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967155
08/17/20 09:37 PM
08/17/20 09:37 PM
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Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,312 Firth, Nebraska
jabNE
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,312
Firth, Nebraska
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You are in my thoughts and prayers bud. Not fun, not fun indeed. Went through it myself and have helped several family and friends through it too. It does get better. Take a day at a time, take care of your self and those you love. Eat well, sleep well, best you can, it matters. Somehow you will get through it, but it does take time. Stay busy, find way to help and stay busy. Clean, fix something, it all matters and helps. Jim
Last edited by jabNE; 08/17/20 09:41 PM.
Money cannot buy you happiness, but it can buy you a trapping license and that's pretty close.
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967158
08/17/20 09:41 PM
08/17/20 09:41 PM
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Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190 Kansas
Pawnee
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 6,190
Kansas
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So sorry to hear. I’ll be praying for you. I mean that!
You too Donnersurvivor. Both of you take care and God bless
Everything the left touches it destroys
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967168
08/17/20 09:48 PM
08/17/20 09:48 PM
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 6,117 Northern Wisconsin,Rhinelander
Hodagtrapper
Muskrat Master
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Muskrat Master
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 6,117
Northern Wisconsin,Rhinelander
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Divorce is never easy but you seem to have a good grasp on things. It sounds amicable and you both want what is best for your daughter. Great idea on paying down your credit card debts.Good luck in the future and enjoy the outdoors as that can be therapeutic!
Chris
>>In God we trust<<
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: KeithC]
#6967177
08/17/20 09:53 PM
08/17/20 09:53 PM
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,528 MN
Donnersurvivor
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,528
MN
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Don't trust that the divorce will stay amicable. Keith Take that advice seriously.
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967183
08/17/20 09:57 PM
08/17/20 09:57 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,896 Oakland, MS
Drifter
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,896
Oakland, MS
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Get your own lawyer! Know a guy lost everything doing the one lawyer deal. Went in to court and everything was changed from what was agreed on.
Some individuals use statistics as a drunk man uses lamp-posts — for support rather than for illumination.
Andrew Lang (1844-1912) Scottish poet, novelist and literary critic
Life member NTA , and GA Trappers assoc .
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967185
08/17/20 09:58 PM
08/17/20 09:58 PM
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Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,926 Aliceville, Kansas 43
Yukon John
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,926
Aliceville, Kansas 43
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No words, other than best of luck, stay strong, but know it's okay to be vulnerable...just don't be naive.
Act like a blank, get treated like a blank. Insert your own blank!
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Re: Going through the big D, and I don't mean Dallas
[Re: tlguy]
#6967199
08/17/20 10:08 PM
08/17/20 10:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 21,539 Sandhills Nebraska
Gary Benson
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 21,539
Sandhills Nebraska
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I certainly can't offer any good advice on this subject.
Life ain't supposed to be easy.
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