This has probably already been posted in the past. It's worth a second look as it's pretty funny. I mean no disrespect to James or any other lawyer associated with Tman.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your honor, I think I need a different attorney.

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it's possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see. But, could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it's possible that he could have been alive practicing law.

Trey Gowdy, who I think is one of the preeminent trial lawyers in the country, tells one on himself in his awesome book, "Doesn't Hurt To Ask." I think it was one of his first trials and he was examining a witness in a murder case who said he saw the Defendant carrying a blue bag. Gowdy then asked, "And what color was the blue bag?"

This lawyer loves lawyer jokes.

I think over the years I have read these same excerpts a hundred times and still laugh at them. I have testified in many trials and heard some really dumb things come out of mouth of attorneys.

Garry-

Thanks

Lawyers are people too.

Lawyers aren't really that bad. It's only 99.95% of them that give all rest a bad reputation.

Did you hear about the man who was walking through a cemetery and saw a headstone that said, "Here lies John Brown, an honest man and a lawyer." The man wondered why they buried all three men in the same grave.