I also got hit by a 2x4, I took a good beating turned around and told my dad to F off and flipped him off... I then got beat more, I really didn't deserve any of it and that is why I never wanted to have to hit a kid, I was angry about it for along time.

My ex wifes parents used what I would now call emotional abuse on her, sever disappointment and a lack of love if she was anything less than perfect, as a result she became an excellent liar who had a constant need for approval, it ruined her life and it majorly screwed up mine when we ended up divorced. A beating would of done far less damage.

I'm not commenting on your ex wife, but you brought up a good point.

A healthy fear of failing to meet expectations or disappointing parents, teachers, mentors, etc. is a good thing. Kids can however be ruined by constant guilt tripping and other similar mental tactics.

I remember a few times I got the belt for things I still believe didn't warrant the spanking. However I also remember getting away with pulling some stupid stunts that my folks didn't find out about... So after the numbers are tallied things probably came out even. Lol

Looking back at the knothead kid that I was, I'm thankful my folks cared enough to bust my butt... Kept me out of jail anyway.

Over the years there have been a lot of discussions on here about what's wrong with kids, the world, etc... It seems to me that the biggest disconnect is that a lot of people just can't comprehend that everything (except God's grace) has a cost that must be paid. That is what respect is, recognition of someone else's cost (be it time, money, or effort) with any given thing.

Mike

The belt and I had a date after most Sunday morning church services! I was hardheaded but came around a bit after 70-80 times. lol

My best friend spent the night and the next morning my mom woke us up and put us both in the corner while she made breakfast. My buddy asked her what we did wrong, she replies nothing yet...this is just a head start for what I don’t catch y’all doing today. Back then every parent treated every child as their own. I got whippin’s by his mom as well, lol.

Some of my sons friends weren’t spanked. Well one day my son and one of his friends decided to be REAL stupid with a call to a Deputies daughter about a fake accident. One of those calls to make them sound big and bad even though they were all cut up with broken bones. As you could guess Deputies daughter calls deputy dad who calls me and EMS.
When they come rolling in I told EMS to hang around because they may be needed. Needless to say my sons friend got so scared he took off running and called his momma to come get him before I “beat them both”!! After his momma heard the story she too believed in Corporal Punishment!! They still talk about those butt whooping to this day, lol.

Can't agree more, as a 16 year old in an effort to keep things interesting, I always feel pretty guilty about things, even things I probably shouldn't. I've seen it ruin some of my peers. And it's used everywhere: school and home. And you still feel it after the fact. Guilt has ruined plenty of what should have been fun outdoors adventures for me.

We have a friend, Amanda, who has a terrible, 12 year old son, Isaiah, who I suspect will spend most of his adult life in prison or end up dead. Isaiah has been diagnosed with ADHD, but I suspect his main problem is a complete lack of punishment and no empathy with his mom or anyone else. Amanda's husband died around 4 years ago from a brain tumor. Amanda is tiny, just 5'2" and not much over 100 pounds. Isaiah is taller and much heavier than she is. He hits her when she doesn't do what he wants and wrestles and restrains her. They chose not to physically punish him, while they could. Isaiah has no empathy and does not feel bad when he makes Amanda cry. He just does whatever he wants. He knows no repercussions from his bad behavior. Amanda gives him stuff, which he frequently breaks, to try to make him behave better. Isaiah has broken 2 flat screen Tv's. I gave him a turtle, which according to Isaiah died from "a lot of bloody cuts" and "it's head falling off". Isaiah has been expelled from one school for badly beating another boy. He had to go to a psychiatrist for repeatedly cutting himself with a knife

Around a year and a half ago, I introduced Amanda, to a then single father friend of mine, Nick. Isaiah kicked Nick's 2 year old son in the chest and pile drove him into the floor, supposedly playing wrestling. Nick stopped bringing his son over and then shortly thereafter stopped seeing Amanda when he grabbed Isaiah off of her while Isaiah was punching her and she would not let Nick discipline Isaiah.

I would like to help her but don't know how.

Keith

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

Some people just don't parent well

What Rimrock1 said..
If you spare the rod you spoil the child
I saw it with my ex wife’s brothers kids
Never any correction, never a spanking
The son was beat to death over drugs, early 30’s
The two daughters are trashy
It’s so sad, her brother is a great guy.

Love and limits. How I set the limits demonstrates love. If whuppin them is all I have, compliance is all I will get. A change of the heart is what I'm after. Follow the best parenting manual ever written for the best results.

One time my oldest son did something that required some action. I said to him: "Do I have to spank you?"

He said: "Nope, yellin' works"

My oldest giant son lives with his mother. Growing up, he was kicked out of 3 day cares for his violent behavior. I kept telling her she needed to spank him. Her and her mother told me over and over how wrong I was. The 4th daycare threatened to kick him out and mom and grandma asked me to come give him a spanking. He was surprised to see me and asked why I was there (not a scheduled weekend pick-up.) I told him I was there to spank him and then grabbed him by the arm and gave him 6 good swats. The fear on his face was unmistakable. I told him exactly why he got spanked and that it would happen again if he didn't behave. That was all he ever needed, I never had to spank him again. He is the biggest, sweetest gentle giant you have ever seen. I did have to give a few "dad looks" as a reminder over the years tho.

The world is lacking in that Dept. Thats why we have no discipline and school shootings so much nowdays. Bible clearly says it...spare the rod spoil the child!

I absolutley agree.

Even animals discipline their young, used judiciously is the key element here.

exactly!

I was switched with a willow branch many times. Had to go and get my own switch to boot. Never could find a dead branch as hard as I tried to find one. All green ones. Ouch!!!

You know the kind of switch that wraps around a little fellas back side and met on the other side. LOL We just had to have a willow tree in the back yard. Great....

Then there was the ping pong paddles and paps old leather razor strap. Oh yes I got many spankings. Deserved each and every one. Pinched, hand spankings and the dreaded spinach I had to eat before I could go out to play. YUCk...

Wish dad was still here to thank him for being a good father despite all the torture I put him through.

Here is solid research on millions of children.
The parenting styles commonly used in psychology today are based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist at the University of California at Berkeley, in the 1960s. Maccoby and Martin also contributed by refining the model in the 1980s.

The best possible scenario for the kids is High Authoritative together with High Nurturing The four types of parenting styles are:

Authoritative
Authoritarian (or Disciplinarian)
Permissive (or Indulgent)
Neglectful (or Uninvolved)

https://www.parentingforbrain.com/4-baumrind-parenting-styles/

You get the obedience you expect. I was never big on repeating myself, I expected obedience the first time I asked. If you get into the game of repeating yourself to your kids you're asking for trouble.

We did have an "appeals" process we heard of at church and put to use in our home. The kids might ask for something and you might say no. We allowed them to appeal and give additional information that might change our minds. I was a benevolent dictator.

Haha! I was slightly the same way. I always answered “No” and would make my actual decision off their reactions. If it was “yes sir” with no attitude I generally relented. If I got attitude and back talk then it was a definite no. Their response would tell me if I was right in my initial decision. Some things they knew was wrong or I wouldn’t let them do and those were the things that brought out the attitude. They actually caught on to my ways fairly quick though, lol.