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Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204848
03/04/21 10:59 PM
03/04/21 10:59 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 62,661
Minnesota
330-Trapper Offline

trapper
330-Trapper  Offline

trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 62,661
Minnesota
Prayers Finster. Peace to you and Yours


NRA and NTA Life Member
www.BackroadsRevised@etsy.com




Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204849
03/04/21 10:59 PM
03/04/21 10:59 PM
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 645
Southern Indiana
H
Hoosier71 Offline
trapper
Hoosier71  Offline
trapper
H

Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 645
Southern Indiana
Thinking of and praying for you and your family. Peace be with you.

Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204850
03/04/21 11:01 PM
03/04/21 11:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,081
NW MO
T
TurkeyTime Offline
trapper
TurkeyTime  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 2,081
NW MO
Praying for you. I assume he is not a veteran/VA?

Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204864
03/04/21 11:14 PM
03/04/21 11:14 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 18,386
Green County Wisconsin
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GREENCOUNTYPETE Offline
trapper
GREENCOUNTYPETE  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 18,386
Green County Wisconsin
I hope you can all find peace and that your father can pass quietly in the night and relive everyone's suffering.


America only has one issue, we have a Responsibility crisis and everything else stems from it.
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204890
03/04/21 11:55 PM
03/04/21 11:55 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 758
U.P. Michigan
Spade Offline
trapper
Spade  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 758
U.P. Michigan
Finster:

Prayers, Nothing evil there, until a person has experienced the toll it takes mentally and physically of being a caregiver, how could they say otherwise.


24 years Army Medical Corps

I only want to be known as:

A great husband, a good trapper, and a great steward of the land.
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204897
03/05/21 12:00 AM
03/05/21 12:00 AM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,493
Garden,Michigan
B
Buck (Zandra) Offline
trapper
Buck (Zandra)  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 2,493
Garden,Michigan
It's no way to live,for people on both sides of the story.My 92 year old mother was in what turned out to be the last stages of dementia.I went to the facility to visit with her like I had every week.She was in her wheelchair with her head down like she was sleeping.When I sat down next to her she looked up at me started slapping me and grabbed my hair.I could deal with the hand that was slapping,but she had a grip on my hair she wouldn't let go.An attendant saw it and grabbed her hands so she released my hair.Then she started spitting in my face.About 2 months later when she died I thought about everything shed been thru.It's no way for anybody to live.


Buck(formely known as Zandra)
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204905
03/05/21 12:09 AM
03/05/21 12:09 AM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 615
Alabama
C
Coonman300 Offline
trapper
Coonman300  Offline
trapper
C

Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 615
Alabama
Just went thru this with my mom...tough situation for sure. Several things-1. Not evil-your father would wish the same if he was in his right mind...quality of life is paramount. 2. It is not on our time line-God is in control. 3. Hospice is your friend. 4. Our society/culture kinder to our pets than our family... never would we allow a beloved hunting companion/lap dog go thru this-sad you can’t end it in these situations.
Wishing the best for you and after he has passed remember him for the good days, not the last couple of years.


War Eagle!
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204907
03/05/21 12:10 AM
03/05/21 12:10 AM
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 811
Interior Alaska
3
30/06 Offline
trapper
30/06  Offline
trapper
3

Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 811
Interior Alaska
Finster, you are not evil, but a caring, humane son. My dear mother is "losing it" a little each day. The hard thing is that sometimes she knows she is, and she's very embarrassed and scared. I'll get to see her in 2 weeks. Her home is easing visiting restriction and I've been vaccinated, so they say they'll let me visit her outdoors for an hour a day. No hugs. We'll see how it goes, I hope she remembers me. Often on the phone, she's hyper paranoid, and thinks I'm trying to scam her some how. She is also being looked after by a private, nonprofit hospice organization, and they have worked hard to make her comfortable. They truly are angels on earth. Prayers for you and your family

Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204908
03/05/21 12:11 AM
03/05/21 12:11 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 539
Watertown, WI
R
rszwieg Offline
trapper
rszwieg  Offline
trapper
R

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 539
Watertown, WI
Sometimes the Grim Reaper is the Great Releaser. I hope that doesn't sound cold. My grandma had dementia. She wasn't violent but her body was failing.

She passed away in her sleep one month short of 98.

Pace

Last edited by rszwieg; 03/05/21 12:12 AM.
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204940
03/05/21 12:46 AM
03/05/21 12:46 AM
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 16,988
Fredonia, PA.
Finster Offline OP
trapper
Finster  Offline OP
trapper

Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 16,988
Fredonia, PA.
My mother is doing a conference call with the county in the morning. I guess we will see how that goes. They won't send anyone out because of Covid. I'm unable to directly help much at this point since I am out of town working. Just another kick in the junk that I'm unable to be there but I have to pay the bills. I have to be up in 4 hours but can't sleep because of my mind racing. Can't take a sleeping pill because I'll be a zombie in the morning and even when I do doze off, it's not for long. I usually have a nightmare that wakes me after awhile. I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in literally weeks. If the county won't do anything about getting him in a home (and I doubt they will). I may try to talk my mother into taking him to the ER and try that route. She seems unwilling to accept much advice on the matter at this point and I don't really understand that but it is what it is. I think she is worried about the money of which they have little. Well, I better at least try to get some sleep. I have a ton of work to get to in the morning. Thanks for the prayers everyone, it helps.


I BELIEVE IN MY GOD, MY COUNTRY AND IN MYSELF.
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7204959
03/05/21 01:40 AM
03/05/21 01:40 AM
Joined: Apr 2020
Posts: 262
Illinois Kentucky Line
Massac Offline
trapper
Massac  Offline
trapper

Joined: Apr 2020
Posts: 262
Illinois Kentucky Line
The easiest way to get placement in a nursing facility is to go to an ER, and say that he can't be taken care of anymore at home. He will be admitted to the hospital, a social worker will be consulted and they will find placement and work on making payment as less of a burden as possible.

I'm a nurse at a fairly big hospital and I see this situation almost every single night that I work. A person with dementia just has become too much for family to manage at home. They get admitted, may be started on some medication to help with agitation, and will usually have placement in about 3 days.

It sounds like he has become not only a danger to his own well being, but also your mother's. I'm not in this boat and I know it's much easier said than done. You spend your life married and living with someone for so long and you don't want them to go away, I know it must be hard. I know it's also hard for a son to see his father suffering and not at all be the same man that he's known his whole life.

I'll be praying for your situation, but going to the hospital and telling them that he has become unmanageable at home is the best and easiest way for placement to be obtained. I hope I didn't sound cruel or uncaring, I'm just trying to give you advice from someone who has taken care of people in this same situation.

Prayers to you sir.

Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7205011
03/05/21 07:32 AM
03/05/21 07:32 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,908
PA
E
elkaholic Offline
trapper
elkaholic  Offline
trapper
E

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 4,908
PA
Finster, Does your local hospital have a dementia unit? Ours here is called generations. It's basically for people just like your dad. It's not a nursing home, but it is in aspects. Basically what you do is to take your loved one to the ER. Tell them what is going on with him. They'll do an evaluation. Generally speaking it is easier to get them into that unit than it is a nursing home. Once they've made their determination (hopefully they'll admit him) and put him there you can get the ball really rolling for nursing home placement.

When you get to the ER have a list of things that he is doing ready. Violence, not taking meds, unable to care for himself, incontinence, not eating, etc etc. Your biggest hurdle right now is going to be COVID.

Hopefully you get some closure soon in whichever way it comes. When my FIL was fighting lung cancer my wife prayed nightly for him to just go to sleep and not wake up. She felt so guilty doing that. I told her; "He's not dad anymore. He's dad's shell but the rest of this isn't him. Don't you dare feel guilty. If he was lucid he wouldn't want to be living this way."

Also don't feel bad or guilty that when he does pass that you breathe a sigh of release. Just remember it's not him sitting there anymore.


Millions of trees die every year to print environmentalist publications
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7205262
03/05/21 11:09 AM
03/05/21 11:09 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,440
PA Venango Co.
R
Ron Marsh Offline
trapper
Ron Marsh  Offline
trapper
R

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,440
PA Venango Co.
Finister, Prayers for you. When my father-in-law was struggling at his last, and we knew he was right with the Lord we gave him permission to go and he did within the hr. No regrets


PTA Lifetime #131N. Salvation Army CSM
Stakes: Why leave them?
ALWAYS John 3:16 814-516-2923
Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7205283
03/05/21 11:34 AM
03/05/21 11:34 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,108
mo.
N
nate Offline
trapper
nate  Offline
trapper
N

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,108
mo.
Finisher
When my mother passed, it made me feel better to thank the Lord for my strength to be there for my family and to ask the Lord for his will to be done . I'LL pray for you and your family.

Take Care
Brother

Re: Prayers please Is it evil to wish a parent to die [Re: Finster] #7205290
03/05/21 11:40 AM
03/05/21 11:40 AM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,785
Georgia
K
Kirk De Offline
trapper
Kirk De  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,785
Georgia
Praying for you Finster. Our families going through the same thing almost identical. Not quite as far along as what you have.I sure pray the best for you.


The Real Reasons Animals Are Detecting Your Sets And Devices by Kirk Dekalb
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