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Time to tell the Family #7284039
06/11/21 07:39 PM
06/11/21 07:39 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
S
SGT. C Offline OP
trapper
SGT. C  Offline OP
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
to go screw themselves. When is the appropriate time? I have held my tongue over the years and have went out of my way to to help at my expense. One reason I moved to South Carolina from Florida. Been here13 years and none have come to visit. They expect me to come to them and that was the way when i lived just 50 miles from all of them.
So, this year I've extended the olive branch one more time about a few of us getting together and seeing a college football game(all the men folk love college football). I would be the one occuring the greatest expense/time and yet I get lame arse excuses.

I'm thinking about setting the boundaries and go from there. Or do I hold my tongue and except that is the way things have and always will be. And I stay in my corner and live and do what I want without giving a flip as in trying to be a family member. Sarge


Getting old is a fatal mistake

Always looking for reloading componets

I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284047
06/11/21 07:46 PM
06/11/21 07:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,014
Va. Lee Co.
D
Donnie H Offline
trapper
Donnie H  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 2,014
Va. Lee Co.
Sounds like a plan...

Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284049
06/11/21 07:49 PM
06/11/21 07:49 PM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,194
Western Shore Delaware
SJA Online content
trapper
SJA  Online Content
trapper

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,194
Western Shore Delaware
You can only be a family member if you, or they, choose to or not to.


"Humans are the hardest people to get along with."
Dr. Phillip Snow
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284051
06/11/21 07:52 PM
06/11/21 07:52 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,279
New York border
Cragar Offline
trapper
Cragar  Offline
trapper

Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,279
New York border
I would just mellow and just ride things out quietly. I used to take a long vacation every year to Florida. When my mother retired to NC I split my time visiting her and then going to Florida for fun in the sun. I kinda hated it at the time as Florida was more fun.

Then she passed away. I look back now and am glad I spent the time with her. I can go to Florida anytime it will be there. I am very grateful for the time I spent with my mom.


NRA benefactor member
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284057
06/11/21 07:58 PM
06/11/21 07:58 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
S
SGT. C Offline OP
trapper
SGT. C  Offline OP
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
Yep, i know family can cause the greatest heartaches known to man. I haven't been back in nearly 6 years( i do call) since my Dad passed away. It sucks.


Getting old is a fatal mistake

Always looking for reloading componets

I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284058
06/11/21 07:58 PM
06/11/21 07:58 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 1,082
Southern NJ
maintenanceguy Offline
trapper
maintenanceguy  Offline
trapper

Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 1,082
Southern NJ
I would just stay away from toxic people and drama. No point in upping the drama by giving them a piece of your mind. Doesn't accomplish anything and won't even make you feel better.

As to helping: I'm not sure what helping really means here but...

Are you helping someone who is your responsibility like your minor child? If not, it's not your job. Decline to "help" as politely as you can next time it comes up and if they get mad, tell them you'd be happy to talk about it when they've calmed down. And then, stop participating.

I suspect that as soon as you stop helping, they will stop being interested.

My wife hasn't talked to her mother in almost 30 years. She isn't mad at her. It still makes her sad. But mom was really, really crazy and bad for my wife, so she had to cut ties to be healthy. Family isn't always easy.


-Ryan
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284059
06/11/21 07:59 PM
06/11/21 07:59 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 12,594
The Hill Country of Texas
Leftlane Offline
"HOSS"
Leftlane  Offline
"HOSS"

Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 12,594
The Hill Country of Texas
The less time I spend with the comings and goings of the self centered and outright negative ppl I know the happier I am bud. Does it suck that some of them are family? Sure it does but the rule still stands.


“What’s good for me may not be good for the weak minded.”
Captain Gus McCrae- Texas Rangers


Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284065
06/11/21 08:03 PM
06/11/21 08:03 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
S
SGT. C Offline OP
trapper
SGT. C  Offline OP
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
I just don't want to get the dreaded phone call and have any regrets. But, at the same time, it shouldn't be one sided. Sarge


Getting old is a fatal mistake

Always looking for reloading componets

I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284070
06/11/21 08:08 PM
06/11/21 08:08 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
S
SGT. C Offline OP
trapper
SGT. C  Offline OP
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
I don't do facebook. So, i really don't know what they are doing most of time. Not sorry about not being on facebook. Can't stand the crap. So, I suppose if i don't call or text. I won't know how they are doing. Just chewed my brothers arse for not telling me he went under the knife until I called to see if he was interested in going. He fully understood where i was coming from when I hung up the phone. This is the kind of crap I'm talking about.

Last edited by SGT. C; 06/11/21 08:10 PM.

Getting old is a fatal mistake

Always looking for reloading componets

I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284071
06/11/21 08:09 PM
06/11/21 08:09 PM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,194
Western Shore Delaware
SJA Online content
trapper
SJA  Online Content
trapper

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,194
Western Shore Delaware
Originally Posted by SGT. C
I just don't want to get the dreaded phone call and have any regrets. But, at the same time, it shouldn't be one sided. Sarge


Why should YOU have any regrets if YOU have "extended the olive branch" . . . screw 'em.


"Humans are the hardest people to get along with."
Dr. Phillip Snow
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284072
06/11/21 08:10 PM
06/11/21 08:10 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,081
Philippines,,ohio
west river rogue Offline
trapper
west river rogue  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,081
Philippines,,ohio
you cant change other people and dont expect your wants to be theirs. My good friend retired master sgt 27 yrs is the most easy going guy I know,and accepts people for who they are. I think he has it cornered.

Last edited by west river rogue; 06/11/21 08:12 PM.
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284074
06/11/21 08:12 PM
06/11/21 08:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,688
centrel PA
K
Kevin Colpetzer Offline
trapper
Kevin Colpetzer  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,688
centrel PA
[Linked Image]

Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284094
06/11/21 08:36 PM
06/11/21 08:36 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,661
Oklahoma
Blaine County Offline
trapper
Blaine County  Offline
trapper

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,661
Oklahoma
As I've gotten older, I am less interested in what most family is doing. I have my wife and kids and they are the priority. I am plenty busy and am not looking for more obligations.

You don't have to get too wound up about it. Don't go visit. If they don't visit you, that's on them. Don't feel guilty about it and it doesn't have to be a conflict. It just is what it is and I wish you luck thinking this through.

My $0.02.


MOLON LABE
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284102
06/11/21 08:41 PM
06/11/21 08:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,750
Idaho Falls, ID
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Grandpa Trapper Offline
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Grandpa Trapper  Offline
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G

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,750
Idaho Falls, ID
Depends on how and what you tell them. Telling them you are disappointed in a harmless tone is one thing as compared to telling them off. If you do the former, then go on with your life. I have had friends and family ask me over the years why I never visit and I said it is a two way street. I say stop over and visit sometime and then I let it go.

Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: Blaine County] #7284113
06/11/21 08:47 PM
06/11/21 08:47 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,437
East-Central Wisconsin
B
bblwi Online content
trapper
bblwi  Online Content
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,437
East-Central Wisconsin
You moved several hundred miles away and their behaviors did not change. Evidently the pattern(s) have been set or established and time and distance is not changing behavior. Also based on their past responses they are not going to care much if you are spending the most time and costs, so I would not play the victim game with them as they probably could care less. I guess from my perspective why would I want to spend a day with a group of guys that really are not into family that much or at all and it takes a sporting event to even get a rise if that even takes place. I would work harder and longer on establishing relationships with friends who will be there for you when needed.

Bryce

Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: Grandpa Trapper] #7284115
06/11/21 08:50 PM
06/11/21 08:50 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
S
SGT. C Offline OP
trapper
SGT. C  Offline OP
trapper
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,510
Midlands South Carolina
Originally Posted by Blaine County
As I've gotten older, I am less interested in what most family is doing. I have my wife and kids and they are the priority. I am plenty busy and am not looking for more obligations.

You don't have to get too wound up about it. Don't go visit. If they don't visit you, that's on them. Don't feel guilty about it and it doesn't have to be a conflict. It just is what it is and I wish you luck thinking this through.

My $0.02.

Originally Posted by Grandpa Trapper
Depends on how and what you tell them. Telling them you are disappointed in a harmless tone is one thing as compared to telling them off. If you do the former, then go on with your life. I have had friends and family ask me over the years why I never visit and I said it is a two way street. I say stop over and visit sometime and then I let it go.

I will think this through. I'm ready to go by myself. Much easier at times. I'm thinking about calling it off and marking off a bucket list item. Might go to Tallahassee and see FSU(my favorite team ) and Notre Dame at night on Sept. 5th. Less stress on my part.


Getting old is a fatal mistake

Always looking for reloading componets

I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284116
06/11/21 08:50 PM
06/11/21 08:50 PM
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,593
West Central MN
20scout Online content
trapper
20scout  Online Content
trapper

Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,593
West Central MN
The more I deal with people (family included) the more I like my dog. I walked away from my toxic family about 15 years ago. The only regret was not doing it sooner. I still have a few family members that I stay in touch with and they all understand but don't have whatever it takes to do what I did. Life is so much less complicated now.


Common sense is a not a vegetable that does well in everyone's garden.
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284118
06/11/21 08:54 PM
06/11/21 08:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 14,070
North East Kansas
Marty Online happy
trapper
Marty  Online Happy
trapper

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 14,070
North East Kansas
I mostly like the peace and quiet of being alone..... smile


"He who is forged in fire, wont get his butt scorched under the sun"
Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284185
06/11/21 10:14 PM
06/11/21 10:14 PM
Joined: May 2018
Posts: 4,508
SW Georgia
W
Wanna Be Offline
trapper
Wanna Be  Offline
trapper
W

Joined: May 2018
Posts: 4,508
SW Georgia
Who is family?
I don’t see my brothers and sister that often but we keep in touch through text. Talk to my mom and dad daily. My baby brother who I’m probably the closest to lives in Washington and I’m planning a hunt out there the next year or so with his house as base camp. We ALL are going to a family reunion on Dads side in Texas this month so I’ll get to see everyone, including the one brother from California…that should be entertaining. While we don’t visit often or keep on a day to day correspondence, if defecation hit the cooling apparatus, they’d show up as would I.
As far as wife and kids, they’ll always be around and close. Two still at home, one lives across the street, and one about 30 miles away. Don’t think I could get rid of the wife if I tried!

Re: Time to tell the Family [Re: SGT. C] #7284201
06/11/21 10:54 PM
06/11/21 10:54 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,292
Magna, Utah
G
GritGuy Offline
trapper
GritGuy  Offline
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G

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,292
Magna, Utah
Seems to me the one thing you hate all the crap on, Facebook, is what you need to have to learn about what the family is doing, be cheaper in the long run, when one or the other gets upset you just check out !

No one to twist your arm or you theirs to do anything with anyone !

Maybe you having a trial of your mortality and feeling guilty about the relationships, who knows, but obviously you have no control about any type of relationships having been away and even there not doing anything, seems like a family that is happy jabbering on the phone once every year or more and thats it.

Don't know why anyone wants to be around any one else, when those don't care about you being around them !


[Linked Image]

Sorry if my opinions or replies offend you, they are not meant to !

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