church bulletins
#7310932
07/21/21 06:59 PM
07/21/21 06:59 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,679
Williamsport, Pa.
jk
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,679
Williamsport, Pa.
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These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman)?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up:
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Free people are not equal. Equal people are not free. What's supposed to be ain't always is. Hopper Hunter
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Re: church bulletins
[Re: jk]
#7311488
07/22/21 02:51 PM
07/22/21 02:51 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 15,680
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
Trapper7
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 15,680
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
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I always liked this one: "Ushers will eat all late comers."
We are told not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but are told to judge all gunowners by the actions of a few.
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