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church bulletins #7310932
07/21/21 06:59 PM
07/21/21 06:59 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,676
Williamsport, Pa.
J
jk Offline OP
trapper
jk  Offline OP
trapper
J

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,676
Williamsport, Pa.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
覧覧覧覧覧覧覧-
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman)?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'


Free people are not equal. Equal people are not free. Whats supposed to be ain't always is.
Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7310937
07/21/21 07:03 PM
07/21/21 07:03 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,287
St. Louis Co, Mo
B
BigBob Offline
trapper
BigBob  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,287
St. Louis Co, Mo
That's funny!


Every kid needs a Dog and a Curmudgeon.

Remember Bowe Bergdahl, the traitor.

Beware! Jill Pudlewski, Ron Oates and Keven Begesse are liars and thiefs!
Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7310945
07/21/21 07:12 PM
07/21/21 07:12 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 2,662
W NY
Turtledale Offline
trapper
Turtledale  Offline
trapper

Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 2,662
W NY
laugh


NYSTA, NTA, FTA, life member Catt.county trappers
Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7310946
07/21/21 07:13 PM
07/21/21 07:13 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 9,915
Greene County,Virginia
R
run Offline
trapper
run  Offline
trapper
R

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 9,915
Greene County,Virginia
Wow, that is loaded.


wanna be goat farmer.
Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7310956
07/21/21 07:22 PM
07/21/21 07:22 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,254
Fingerlakes New York
robert.d12 Offline
trapper
robert.d12  Offline
trapper

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,254
Fingerlakes New York
laugh

One of my favorites during announcements at my church was 典he venison donation will begin this week for those a little short on dough.


The beauty of the second amendment is it wont be needed until they try to take it. -Thomas Jefferson
Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7310968
07/21/21 07:46 PM
07/21/21 07:46 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,471
Central Pennsylvania
Nittany Lion Offline
Don't call me Mister, Mister
Nittany Lion  Offline
Don't call me Mister, Mister

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,471
Central Pennsylvania
Good stuff.


I got myself a seniors' GPS.
Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination,
it tells me why I wanted to go there.
Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7311153
07/22/21 12:57 AM
07/22/21 12:57 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,159
fayette,al.
G
grisseldog Offline
trapper
grisseldog  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,159
fayette,al.
Good ones

Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7311174
07/22/21 02:34 AM
07/22/21 02:34 AM
Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 2,431
Indiana
P
Providence Farm Offline
trapper
Providence Farm  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 2,431
Indiana
I interrupted my partner at works nap on brake laughing. I enjoyed reading that.

Re: church bulletins [Re: jk] #7311488
07/22/21 02:51 PM
07/22/21 02:51 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,096
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
T
Trapper7 Offline
trapper
Trapper7  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 11,096
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
I always liked this one: "Ushers will eat all late comers."


Jen Psaki: She's like watching a kid give a report on a book they've never read.
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