This oldest child will always be a problem. I have not had any contact with my oldest grandchild in almost ten years due to her abandoning him to his paternal grandmother and estranging her against us.

Now she is married to an abusive controlling monster, OF HER OWN CHOOSING. I've bit my tongue for the sake of her two other children. We've always tried to be there for them when they've been in need but that SOB has a real problem with authority and can't keep a job or roof over their head. More than once they've lived here until he got back on his feet. She won't work unless she absolutely has to and then only as long as needed to pay off whatever loan he has gotten them into. I didn't raise her that way.

DFACS, dept of family and children services, has been involved in the past upon complaint from the school of the children not receiving medical care and other allegations I was not made privy to. Temporary custody was given to my other daughter for a time. As grandparents we we're kept out of the loop and only allowed supervised visitation based on accusations he made. We were cleared of any wrongdoing.
Well they worked with DFACS got the younguns back and had hoped turned things around with a steady job, a nicer house and stable in school. We saw the grands pretty regular.

Well it didn't last. They moved back in here until they could get it together. I bit my tongue even when I thought he was to rough with discipline for the kids or the unexplained shiner my grandson had. Until it all came to a head over an argument between my 31yo oldest daughter and her 13yo sister, our youngest. That SOB called the law to his 13yo SIL. I blew up and in no uncertain terms in front of the cop told him that he was out, his wife and children were welcome to stay and I would make sure they had a roof over there heads but his sorry butt was gone.

Well my oldest left with him taking the kids. Moved in with his in and out of prison brother and his handful of women and brood. Seriously, it's pretty weird. A brother that he has had knock down drag outs with. They immediately withdrew the kids from school claiming to home school even though neither has the sense or desire to do so. We somewhat expected them to do something like this as they regularly use the grands to hurt us by not letting us see them.

The wife has tried to stay in touch with the daughter but it's hit or miss if she returns a call. We can not determine how much is her and how much is him as we do know he has dictated when she can talk to us or not. Now she is saying he is borrowing money to buy a fifth wheel to move to Michigan. To the best of my knowledge all of his family is here in Georgia, mostly locked up or dead.

Well today the wife had to go over there to get some car title papers signed and I stayed away to avoid issues. Well she called crying because she was not allowed to see the kids. Supposedly they are in fear DFACS will be called and they'll lose the kids again. I suspect this has much to do with the possible move.

Aside from my first instinct, should I make the call? I have no proof of harm to my grands but it definitely is not good the conditions they are in.

If I call and he ever gets them back I can guarantee never seeing them again.

BTW, our oldest is diagnosed as bipolar and I don't know her medication status.

Boy there's a lot going on in this post. I'd hate to have to make that decision, but I think I would make the call. You can, I'm sure, tell DHS that you don't want them knowing it was you that called, and I think they would honor that but I'm sure they would still assume it was you. But what I keep thinking about is what if they DO haul the kids to MI? What happens when they get evicted from their place in the dead of winter? And who would be there to look out for the kids? If your daughter is bi-polar, and possibly untreated, and her boyfriend is abusive to the kids.... it sounds like the kids don't need to be with them.

Do what you think is right despite the outcome Better then saying nothing and living with that the rest of your life

Make the call, after seeing the damage done to kids my daughter has fostered its the only choice. I've seen 5 year old's that can't talk and are smaller then a 3 year old 2 year old's that can't walk or even feed them self from being left in a play pen and only given a bottle. Find a pay phone or use one at a school or business if you want to remain anonymous.

Do what's best for the grandkids, not what's best for you. It's concerning that they won't your Mrs see the Grandkids. Possibly because they have bruises? I'd make the call as well. The Grandkids can always come back to see you when they're of age or when they get their lives straight. Doesn't sound like that will happen where they are. So sorry to hear this. And Atlanta is a bad place to be IMO.

X 1000

As hard as it may be, your child is a grown adult. The duty of care is to the grandchildren who are helpless in this and need an advocate

I agree 100% with what yotetrapper 30 said.

Very complicated set up and because we can't control other people's actions;
As I read this, it seems you have very little chance of building bridge with SIL...
And you won't be able to build a bridge with grandkids since they live with him and her, not you and grandma.
So....
daughter seems to be your only bridge option.

Dx'ed with bipolar will affect your daughter's self-narrative if nothing else. Medical labels are proven to either A. help people aim for care or B. give people an excuse to do things under that banner.
Medical Dx'ed DSM-5 codes are lifelong tattoos. Medical personnel label for continuity of care between themselves and for $$$ billing purposes. How does your daughter view being Dx'ed bipolar?

Try to aim daughter at medical or psych care is a hope.

But, honestly, most often, people have to reach a point where they realize all is crap, and they themselves aim at a better target.
Family fights and family tension usually drives people to circling wagons and there's no progress.

For you and your Mrs. to be supportive through all the crap, is key. Hard but key.
There will be a time, maybe far in the future, where what you and grandma do today will have an impact.

Prayers are fundamental as it may well take divine intervention to change hearts.
Blessings,
Mark

what Mark said , prayer and support.

Make the call and have them do an unannounced welfare check. You can remain anonymous.

The sad part is most cys departments have a thing about calling and setting up an appointment to do a check. Thus giving the people a chance to straighten up and everything.

After a bit more thought I would offer a particular theme often used in Integrated (biblical + psychology) counseling;

Relationships determine responses.

The odds are incredibly low for someone to give advice to someone they don't have a good relationship with and it works well. We usually call it "impossible," yet that is what most people think to do.
March in with a plan and expect a positive response from the person on the receiving end.
Impossible.

Focus on the relationship with your daughter by being there when you shouldn't be, don't need to be, and probably don't even want to be. It matters and can build relationships over time.
Hopefully there's a nugget of hope in this approach.

Blessings,
Mark

Do whatever you need to do to get the kids out.
Thats all.

What an awful situation. I'd make the call.

Call

Warrior, under Georgia Code Title 19. Domestic Relations § 19-7-3, you can likely get visitation with your oldest grandson.

https://codes.findlaw.com/ga/title-19-domestic-relations/ga-code-sect-19-7-3.html

I would never want to be in a situation like you are. I would contact DFACS and do what you can to get custody of your 2 other grandchildren.

Keith

Make the call for those grandchildren. If not you Then Who? Prayers your way for strength.

I would contact a lawyer and do everything I could to get full custody of your grandchildren before they are ruined .

Let the abusers wreck their own lives


It saddens me and pizzes me off to see a innocent child emotionally neglected or their spirit crushed

If the parents don't have documented abuses or criminal issues or something heinous, there is "0" chance of taking kids out of a home.
This is the internet so the legacy of this situation can't be laid out or figured out online.

i suspect drug use just from the stuff you posted. i hope i am wrong