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End of life question. #7445230
12/29/21 11:38 PM
12/29/21 11:38 PM
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 4,805
western mn
B
bucksnbears Offline OP
trapper
bucksnbears  Offline OP
trapper
B

Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 4,805
western mn
My father is in tough shape and I think his time is very near.
He's very private and really has no $$.
About all I know is he wants to be cremated and want no funeral.
Very simple man.
I know nothing about this stuff and will the one carrying the brunt of it.
I guarantee he will want the easiest/cheapest way to get this done.
Any advice on how to handle this?
Mn if that makes a difference?
What steps do I take if I get that call?


swampgas chili and schmidt beer makes for a deadly combo

You have to remember that 1 out of 3 Democratic Voters is just as dumb as the other two.
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445236
12/29/21 11:44 PM
12/29/21 11:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 18,704
New Hampshire
N
Nessmuck Offline
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Nessmuck  Offline
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N

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 18,704
New Hampshire
Call the funeral home…they will come and get him….they will do the cremation…and hand you the Ern…Did this for my dad,and he just wanted to be buried at the Veterans Cemetery…plain and simple…the way he wanted it. No Funeral ,no wake, …Cuz he said he hated going to them.


It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445245
12/29/21 11:50 PM
12/29/21 11:50 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 4,212
rogers city mi.
J
jeff karsten Offline
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jeff karsten  Offline
trapper
J

Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 4,212
rogers city mi.
Funeral (visitation) is for the Family as a show of support don't know your family size, closeness or religion speaking for myself Cremation is the less expensive and more convenient Here in Mi. the ashes can be taken and spread at any personal and private place and a memorial service held if thats one's wishes


olden tyred
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445247
12/29/21 11:53 PM
12/29/21 11:53 PM
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 160
new york
B
banchee Offline
trapper
banchee  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 160
new york
ok so nobody wants to respond, my old man died last year of cancer/covid he was a logger his whole life no retirement no jack shitea , no money. my sister had him creamated he was in a cardboard box when he went in the furnace, they gave her a plasctic bag of his ashes in a card board box. cost about 800.00 i think she said just to burn him uo in a furnace. we spread his aches in the woods among the hemlock and white pines .so your prob loking at about a grand with no head stone cemetary plot or embalming. hope this helps a still miss my dad every day banchee


TOMMY HAYES
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445252
12/29/21 11:56 PM
12/29/21 11:56 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 50,346
Minnesota
330-Trapper Offline
trapper
330-Trapper  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 50,346
Minnesota
Sorry To hear this bucksnbears...
I just went through this with my Uncle...Very Tough

Pm me if you need.

Nessy is correct, the Funeral director helped me 99.999% of the way


NRA and NTA Life Member
www.BackroadsRevised@etsy.com




Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445260
12/30/21 12:01 AM
12/30/21 12:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 24,654
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 24,654
nm
You can buy urns online probably much cheaper than the funeral home.
Funeral home will do most of the work.
You can prepay for it too.
Another thing to consider where will you store the ashes and or spread them? Some graveyards have places to place urns, others will allow you to bury the urn in a plot.
Headstone no headstone?

I'm sorry to hear this.

Last edited by adam m; 12/30/21 12:02 AM.
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445267
12/30/21 12:11 AM
12/30/21 12:11 AM
Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 108
Alberta
N
Norwestalta Offline
trapper
Norwestalta  Offline
trapper
N

Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 108
Alberta
I don't have any advice to give you but please accept my condolences.

Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445274
12/30/21 12:17 AM
12/30/21 12:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,868
ohio
Ohio Wolverine Offline
trapper
Ohio Wolverine  Offline
trapper

Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,868
ohio
I donated my body to science , they can use it for medical school or a body farm .
Used to have my organs for donation , but when you donate your body to science , they can't be harvested , so stopped that donation , who wants a 70 year old heart or whatever ?
My eyes used to be 20/15 , but getting worse by the week .
So my kids don't have to worry about a funeral , or an expense .
If I can , I still plan to just disappear where no one will find me .
But that's getting hard to do any more .
Never did or will care for people taking advantage of someone's old age and health or death .
Why would a doctor want to do hip surgery on a 90+ year old that is dying from cancer ?
Yet some will try to do it .
I'm dead to the world , so if it does some good , fine .
They send the ashes to my oldest daughter when it's all over with .
Hope they have a cookout and party , and not worry about my ashes .
Except I want them dumped around a tree I started from seed .


We have met the enemy and the enemy is us!
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445276
12/30/21 12:20 AM
12/30/21 12:20 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,420
MN
1
160user Offline
trapper
160user  Offline
trapper
1

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,420
MN
I just planned my own last wishes and like your Father, want the cheapest easiest thing. For me, I saw no reason to spend $1,000 on a plot not one will visit. Dump my ashes in the woods where I want to be. Funerals and associated expenses only benefit the living. Hopefully he has a will. I have seen many family turn on one another bickering over trivial stuff. If you want to talk or need more details, I am happy to help.


I have nothing clever to put here.





Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445277
12/30/21 12:21 AM
12/30/21 12:21 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 280
Mountain Home, Arkansas, Baxte...
K
Kent Smith Offline
trapper
Kent Smith  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 280
Mountain Home, Arkansas, Baxte...
Bucksnbears

Very sorry to hear about what is before you.

I would suggest if there are more than one funeral home in your area to call them, describe your needs based upon what he has told you and get a price. Not all places will have the same price and then visit the one you have selected and do an eye to eye visit.

They should advise you if cremation is done within 3? days there should not be an expense for embalming. You are the client and don't let them work on your emotions to buy more than what is needed, if funds are limited. If he was a vet there will be small amount of money from the VA for funeral expenses. You will need death certificates for any insurance companies, probate and maybe others. Usually 6 is plenty. If he files income tax some one will need to file for him for this year The container for the ashes does not need to be elaborate. My mother's was in a special type cardboard box.

In my state the funeral home records the death certificate in the state but if he owns anything in the county the survivor will need to record it in the county.

They will share what info they will need and they might want some money up front. As been shared all it will take is a call from the hospital or you when the time comes.

Hopefully there is someone in the family that can go with you as four ears are better than two. Call me if you need to. 870 405 0500

TrapperKent

Re: End of life question. [Re: Ohio Wolverine] #7445278
12/30/21 12:23 AM
12/30/21 12:23 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,420
MN
1
160user Offline
trapper
160user  Offline
trapper
1

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,420
MN
Originally Posted by Ohio Wolverine

Except I want them dumped around a tree I started from seed .


I find it interesting that in the end a lot of us care about a chunk of dirt more than anything else.


I have nothing clever to put here.





Re: End of life question. [Re: Ohio Wolverine] #7445280
12/30/21 12:33 AM
12/30/21 12:33 AM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,629
Champaign County, Ohio.
K
KeithC Offline
trapper
KeithC  Offline
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K

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,629
Champaign County, Ohio.
Originally Posted by Ohio Wolverine
Never did or will care for people taking advantage of someone's old age and health or death .
Why would a doctor want to do hip surgery on a 90+ year old that is dying from cancer ?
Yet some will try to do it .


When my 98 year old great, great aunt died, one of the numerous charges the hospital stuck my grandparents with from the autopsy was for a pregnancy check. That's just pure theft.

I think having a get together for the family and close friends is important. It doesn't have to fancy. A simple potluck at someone's home or a church hall will work. It's good for grieving people to get together.

Keith

Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445297
12/30/21 01:00 AM
12/30/21 01:00 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 6,175
Wisconsin
M
Moosetrot Offline
trapper
Moosetrot  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 6,175
Wisconsin
My oldest brother died about 10 years ago and his family had him cremated. He's the one who started me off hunting, trapping, made sure i had a nice sport coat and enough money for my first Homecoming date...on and on and on. I sure did love the guy and miss him deeply yet.

They gave me a bag of his ashes. I carry a little vial of them when I hunt and every once in a while I spread him into the wind. One time while hunting geese in South Dakota we were laying in a field with absolutely nothing flying. After a while I thought "What the heck, maybe Fred will give us a hand." and threw his ashes up into the wind. Some may not believe in such things but shortly after that, the geese started flying...and dying. He taught me to hunt using old wooden decoys on Rush Lake, up near Oshkosh, and some of his ashes will go there because he dearly loved the place.

When rebuilding my old duck skiff this Fall I was really missing him and the times we spent together on the marshes and lakes duck hunting. I mixed some of his ashes into the duck boat paint so he will be with me out there duck hunting, something we both lived for.

I think cremation is the way to go. Times where a person could just lay there and rot, and truly be eternal are gone. I have already picked out some special spots where my family will spread me when the time comes.

I am not one to pray, but I wish you my thoughts and strength, Bernie. Always remember the good times.

Moosetrot

Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445327
12/30/21 02:20 AM
12/30/21 02:20 AM
Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 1,310
Saucier, Mississippi Harrison ...
T
turkn8rtrapper Offline
trapper
turkn8rtrapper  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Feb 2019
Posts: 1,310
Saucier, Mississippi Harrison ...
My mother in law passed last month. It fell on my wife and I to carry out her wishes. We went through a funeral home. The creamation earn and memorial service was $2,950. They handled everything. We made up picture boards for the memorial and it was the best one I've been to. No boo hooing just family and friends paying their respects and reliving the good memories. The earn is very nice and resides on our mantel until everyone decides when and where to spread her ashes. The funeral home also took care of the death certificates and notifying social security and medicare which was all part of the price. Actually pretty painless. As another said it can be arranged and pre paid.


"Skin that smokewagon and see what happens"
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445333
12/30/21 02:39 AM
12/30/21 02:39 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,536
Beaman Iowa 55
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Horn Offline
trapper
Horn  Offline
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H

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,536
Beaman Iowa 55

Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445347
12/30/21 05:19 AM
12/30/21 05:19 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,888
PA
E
elkaholic Offline
trapper
elkaholic  Offline
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E

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,888
PA
A lot of folks around here are going with the "all over in one day" funeral. Once the ashes are returned they'll do a viewing. Depending on how big the family/friends circle is 2-3 hours should be long enough, small Christian service included. Usually followed up with a dinner type of thing where people can sit and eat and share stories.

My FIL wanted no service or viewing, but told my wife if the girls needed one to go ahead and do it. He was so well liked and known that it ended up being a 5 hour viewing that had to be continued the next day for the burial. My MIL is a devout Catholic so she wanted a full Catholic mass. He wasn't much of a church man, and didn't want that, but the girls obliged their mom. I swear that as soon as they wheeled his casket in the church the loudest thunderclap sounded off. I looked at my wife and went, "Looks like old Haroldy isn't happy with this part of the shebang". We sat there and giggled the whole mass because everytime the priest would say his name there would be a thunderclap. At one point the priest said "ok Harold I know your upset with this I'll make it as fast as possible."

The moment they wheeled him outside for the military service the skies cleared and the sun shone bright.

Remember: The funeral is not for the deceased. It's for the living.


Millions of trees die every year to print environmentalist publications
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445358
12/30/21 06:14 AM
12/30/21 06:14 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,584
Magna, Utah
G
GritGuy Offline
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GritGuy  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,584
Magna, Utah
Do have some experience in this matter. My Mom wished to be cremated, two of us brothers abided in her wish, the middle brother fought the whole way, was a mess and it degraded our loss !

The two of us stuck together and won the fight, but lost the battle as we do not talk with or share any life with him any more.

You best study up on cost's because here it was 6K to finish it all, there is no spreading of ashes allowed in my state legally (Utah). No one follows it though, get caught in any park though and your toast, better study up on your rules.

We had a small service and had made photo collages in many different things as our family is big on taking pic's, many had no idea about our Mom's interests or had ever seen her in her younger day's.

Placed her in a mausoleum, so we could visit whenever and not to have to see the brother who caused such a mess.

Passing on has been mentioned it's for the living, sometimes it cause's some of the living in you to die as well.

Get all the stuff done before hand if you can, you will be able to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labors, knowing you did what was asked and then move on peacefully !


[Linked Image]

Sorry if my opinions or replies offend you, they are not meant to !

Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445371
12/30/21 06:58 AM
12/30/21 06:58 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,040
Valders, WI
Alex the dog Offline
trapper
Alex the dog  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,040
Valders, WI
Bucksnbears,
I give you much respect for asking this question and seeking answers before the passing of your father. Loosing a loved one is never a pleasant time. Just putting this out there, if $ are of any concern have a Covid test ran and if positive request it be noted on death certificate and file with FEMA. All expenses including post mass meal could be covered. Personally know of three families that had over $10,000 in expenses reimbursed.

I don’t want this to be come a political thread, just want to share an option.
Dave

https://www.fema.gov/disaster/coronavirus/economic/funeral-assistance#eligible


Forever in debt to my Father who introduced me to trapping.
May I be half the man he was.
Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445372
12/30/21 07:01 AM
12/30/21 07:01 AM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 7,402
Texas
Mark June Online content
trapper
Mark June  Online Content
trapper

Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 7,402
Texas
Originally Posted by bucksnbears
My father is in tough shape and I think his time is very near.
He's very private and really has no $$.
About all I know is he wants to be cremated and want no funeral.
Very simple man.
I know nothing about this stuff and will the one carrying the brunt of it.
I guarantee he will want the easiest/cheapest way to get this done.
Any advice on how to handle this?
Mn if that makes a difference?
What steps do I take if I get that call?



Sorry to hear about the dire situation with your father bucksnbears.
As someone who deals with end of life situations... palliative and hospice care, funerals and memorials, and who interacts with funeral home directors, I'll share that the way you handle any end of life arrangements will have lasting consequences for the family, especially with patriarchs like "dads." As a nation, we hate death. We can't defeat it. So too many families have done a poor job these last 100 years especially, with all sorts of "memorials" that leave gaping wounds in those still living, and when they grow old, they say, "I don't want any of that stuff... funeral. Memorial. None of it!"

There are two moments in human life when we are most apt to glorify God. At birth and at death. One is to thank God for the new arrival and the other to thank God for the gift of the deceased. Heck, us Americans don't even like to call it what it is, and that's predictable because of the circumstances being so "real" and "final" at death.... we kill a deer but our loved one "passed." Nope, we really are not good at the reverence for life, as a gift, and because of that we hurry through proceedings so we can all get back to happy.

But all of that is not the way we humans are divinely crafted. Not at all. We are made to deeply grieve the ones we love and we don't grieve in a healthy way when someone dies and we get it over in a couple hours as cheap as possible. Money? What? Money has no bearing on healthy grieving. None, In fact, we ask funeral directors (a business only 125 years old) to do the deal (when people used to bring the loved one home and prep them themselves on the kitchen table or bedroom) and then people grumble that the director is making money.

So here we are 125 years after undertakers (now called funeral directors) do most all of it, and so we've had 3-4 generations who've lived through no reverence for the dead, so they say, I don't want any of that. So I ask people, "Any of what?" A memorial service is to honor the dead person. And to help the living people respectfully and honorably and with much glory and thanks to God say goodbye to a loved one. We spend $$$$$$$ and all sorts of time saying "hey, there" to a new born baby but as a culture we forget and suffer when we hustle through a death of a loved one. And that suffering can be unhealthy grieving for a VERY LONG TIME. I see it ALL THE TIME!!!

Whatever you do bucksnbears, and how ever you want to do it, when your father dies, today or in 30 years, honor his life, thank God for allowing you to be a son to this man, and spend some intentional time as a family to gather and say goodbye... even though it's incredibly sad. It's supposed to be sad. The more you love someone, the harder it is to say goodbye.

But goodbye in a Christian setting is not the final scene. At funerals of believers, I always remind the family who also believe in God, y'all will see each other again "on that morning."

Blessings,
Mark


Dallas Theological Seminary
https://www.dts.edu
https://www.markjuneslures.com/
Predator Trapping Academy Host



Re: End of life question. [Re: bucksnbears] #7445380
12/30/21 07:22 AM
12/30/21 07:22 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 2,047
N.E. Nebr
L
LDW Online content
trapper
LDW  Online Content
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Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 2,047
N.E. Nebr
In the last year, I buried my dad, my mom and my son. My dad had a traditional funeral, with the cost of $15,000. My mom wanted to be cremated. Just a small family service. She already had her plot and stone in the cemetery. I think it still was around $8000. For some reason, I don't remember the exact cost. For my son, we also had a traditional service, but held the costs down as much as possible. It was $9000 for the services. My father in law had the burial plot purchased and he also paid for his stone. I didn't have to make all the decisions myself, have 2 sisters. However being the oldest, they looked to me to make the tough calls. I was also the PR for both estates. Had to work with the ex-wife on my son's funeral. For the most part, it went ok. It's been a year from (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman) that I never want to go through again.

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