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Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483029
02/03/22 12:31 AM
02/03/22 12:31 AM
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 223
East Central Mn.
U
uplandpointer Offline
trapper
uplandpointer  Offline
trapper
U

Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 223
East Central Mn.
From the time I was a teenager I was told by my parents that I would never do anything with my life and would always be a POS. I finally got tired of it and realized that they were the ones with problems. That was 30 years ago. They both died 10 or 12 years ago, not exactly sure and it doesn't matter. Funny thing is that I was the youngest and first person in my family to own a house, have credit/cards or be able to save any type of money. I have a great job and make a better living than all of them together. The thing that bothered me the most is that most of my relatives (spread out around the country) had heard my parents put me down so much that they believe it to this day. I used to try to figure out why they had the feelings about me that they did but finally realized it wasn't worth my time. Now I spend my time keeping my small family doing the best we can.

For everyone out there struggling with family or addictions keep your chin up and make sure your doing the best for you.

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483032
02/03/22 12:35 AM
02/03/22 12:35 AM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 24,749
nm
A
adam m Offline
trapper
adam m  Offline
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 24,749
nm
Praying for you

Re: family problems [Re: BernieB.] #7483037
02/03/22 12:45 AM
02/03/22 12:45 AM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 770
WI
B
BvrRetriever Offline
trapper
BvrRetriever  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 770
WI
Originally Posted by BernieB.
Two words. Teen Challenge. Check it out. https://www.google.com/search?q=mic...223j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8


It's the only program that has super high long-term success rates for sobriety and family restoration.

The worst thing you can do is give up on her or disown her. What she needs to hear are words like, "I will never stop loving you no matter what" and "I will never give up on you." You have to realize she doesn't want this any more than you do! She's powerless to control it through her own will. She can't change her behavior. She needs to have a change of heart.

I know your frustrated, but abandoning her will just make it worse. It's not a bad idea to have her kids taken away from her, it's a powerful bargain chip to get her into some place like Teen Challenge that will transform her life.


Truer words never spokenÖitís called unconditional love. She needs to know that you will never give up on her. Even if you donít approve of the way she is treating herself and the way itís affecting those around her. Disowning someone is an attempt to feel some sense of control in an already out of control situation. It will not help to do it. Your daughter needs to understand that you donít approve of what sheís doing and yet you will always be there for her, unconditionally. That doesnít mean you enable her behavior.

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483055
02/03/22 01:16 AM
02/03/22 01:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 556
South Central Kansas
KsTrapper88 Offline
trapper
KsTrapper88  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 556
South Central Kansas
I will pray for you, your daughter, and your grandkids. That God would work a miracle of redemption like only He can (and has done before). Makes me think of how God is constantly loving us and showing His grace to us, even as we all sin, turning our backs on Him to some degree so many times in our walk, but His mercies are new every morning. Praise God. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to step away and allow the consequences of our loved ones choices to truly set in, meanwhile praying for, waiting and watching for their repentance. I will pray for your situation often.


Derek
Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483059
02/03/22 01:22 AM
02/03/22 01:22 AM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 37,188
james bay frontierOnt.
B
Boco Online content
trapper
Boco  Online Content
trapper
B

Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 37,188
james bay frontierOnt.
She will have to make the decision to clean up on her own-no one can force that on an addict.
You can let her know that you will be there for her when she makes the decision,but in no way will you enable her habit in any way.
Stepping up for the grandkids welfare should re-inforce your intentions to her in this regard.


Forget that fear of gravity-get a little savagery in your life.
Re: family problems [Re: uplandpointer] #7483121
02/03/22 06:49 AM
02/03/22 06:49 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,452
Philippines,,ohio
west river rogue Offline
trapper
west river rogue  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,452
Philippines,,ohio
Originally Posted by uplandpointer
From the time I was a teenager I was told by my parents that I would never do anything with my life and would always be a POS. I finally got tired of it and realized that they were the ones with problems. That was 30 years ago. They both died 10 or 12 years ago, not exactly sure and it doesn't matter. Funny thing is that I was the youngest and first person in my family to own a house, have credit/cards or be able to save any type of money. I have a great job and make a better living than all of them together. The thing that bothered me the most is that most of my relatives (spread out around the country) had heard my parents put me down so much that they believe it to this day. I used to try to figure out why they had the feelings about me that they did but finally realized it wasn't worth my time. Now I spend my time keeping my small family doing the best we can.

For everyone out there struggling with family or addictions keep your chin up and make sure your doing the best for you.

Been there experienced that too. They said it so much I believed it as a kid and rebelled and made alot of mistakes but later in life I was fortunate to straighten it all out. When they died some 15-20 yrs ago I never felt more relief. Now as an old man I realize there was nothing I could have ever done to please them and live free of it,and try to raise my son better. I later in life realized that there are just some people who will never be happy with anything.

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483127
02/03/22 07:00 AM
02/03/22 07:00 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,956
Michigan
T
Trapper Dahlgren Offline OP
trapper
Trapper Dahlgren  Offline OP
trapper
T

Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,956
Michigan
thanks everyone for your thoughts ,

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483130
02/03/22 07:02 AM
02/03/22 07:02 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,452
Philippines,,ohio
west river rogue Offline
trapper
west river rogue  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,452
Philippines,,ohio
Originally Posted by Trapper Dahlgren
thanks everyone for your thoughts ,

Hang in there!!!

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483131
02/03/22 07:14 AM
02/03/22 07:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,956
Michigan
T
Trapper Dahlgren Offline OP
trapper
Trapper Dahlgren  Offline OP
trapper
T

Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 9,956
Michigan
people understand this we love our daughter!!!!, it is killing us to watch her go thru life like this, she knows we love her or should by all we have done try to help her and tell her that we do [love her] but she is a user and a liar, can't believe anything she say or her husband, at this point its up to them an the state at . can't help someone that don't want it

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483137
02/03/22 07:27 AM
02/03/22 07:27 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,452
Philippines,,ohio
west river rogue Offline
trapper
west river rogue  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,452
Philippines,,ohio
Originally Posted by Trapper Dahlgren
people understand this we love our daughter!!!!, it is killing us to watch her go thru life like this, she knows we love her or should by all we have done try to help her and tell her that we do [love her] but she is a user and a liar, can't believe anything she say or her husband, at this point its up to them an the state at . can't help someone that don't want it
Roy,my stepmom was the same. A user and liar most of her adult life. She was put in rehab twice before I was 14. Nothing anybody did could help until she wanted it. An addict only sees what they see.

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483753
02/03/22 06:32 PM
02/03/22 06:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 384
UP of Michigan
B
billy Offline
trapper
billy  Offline
trapper
B

Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 384
UP of Michigan
this is one of the hardest thing to understand,prayers are with you and your family.


Billy
Re: family problems [Re: KsTrapper88] #7483777
02/03/22 06:48 PM
02/03/22 06:48 PM
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 8,815
Maine, Aroostook
Posco Offline
trapper
Posco  Offline
trapper

Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 8,815
Maine, Aroostook
Originally Posted by KsTrapper88
I will pray for you, your daughter, and your grandkids. That God would work a miracle of redemption like only He can (and has done before). Makes me think of how God is constantly loving us and showing His grace to us, even as we all sin, turning our backs on Him to some degree so many times in our walk, but His mercies are new every morning. Praise God. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to step away and allow the consequences of our loved ones choices to truly set in, meanwhile praying for, waiting and watching for their repentance. I will pray for your situation often.

Amen.

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483877
02/03/22 07:58 PM
02/03/22 07:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,098
Northeast Oklahoma
M
Mike in A-town Offline
trapper
Mike in A-town  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,098
Northeast Oklahoma
Had one particular family member that had problems with drugs/alcohol for a good part of their life. The really sad part is that once they got clean they were still miserable, self-centered, and manipulative.

Some people clean up and become a different person... Some are just as bad, if not worse, than when they were addicted.

I wish I had some insight or advice. But I don't. Just know that you aren't the only person to deal with this.

Mike


One man with a gun may control 100 others who have none.

Vladimir Lenin
Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483905
02/03/22 08:16 PM
02/03/22 08:16 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,897
Coldspring Texas
Savell Offline
"Wilbur"
Savell  Offline
"Wilbur"

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,897
Coldspring Texas
... Iím a rocks throw away from disowning this bunch I got down here already ... and they havenít really done anything wrong yet... my thought is they can sense that and not put me to the test... time will tell I reckon


Insert profound nonsense here
Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7483926
02/03/22 08:34 PM
02/03/22 08:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 179
Montana/Florida
G
Gene Dziza Offline
trapper
Gene Dziza  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 179
Montana/Florida
You are good people for stepping in for the grand kids. In so many addiction problems I've seen, there's an underlying mental health issue, and they self-medicate with drugs to escape the tortures of their lives. If you think it sucks to have a drug addict daughter, just think about how bad it sucks to BE a drug addict daughter. I haven't met any addicts that are happy with their lives. Most people don't grow up as kids saying, "I want to be a drug addict when I grow up."

I say love her, absolutely don't disown her. Drug addicts will tell you that the hardest thing, is for loved ones to turn away from them when they are at their weakest. It's a hard road, and hard for her too. I've travelled your road. I will pray, for sure. Whether you are a man of faith or not, I say do what Jesus would do.

Stay strong my freind. You are a good man.

Re: family problems [Re: Trapper Dahlgren] #7484029
02/03/22 10:04 PM
02/03/22 10:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,584
wyoming southeast
D
danvee Offline
trapper
danvee  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,584
wyoming southeast
Thoughts many and prayers to you, your daughter and family keep strong.

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