Jerry has retired. After 35 years he decided he was done it working on the ranch.in Wyoming so he didn't go back out to work this year.

He has worked away from May til Nov since weve been together. 16 years.our entire relationship.

I'm glad he's home but there are definitely some Changes.

First off I'm a loner. I love him but I also need time by myself. If I'm around anyone too much they begin to grate on me. That's anyone. I enjoy being alone. I don't need or want so.eone underfoot all the time.
I've never been that kind of person.


I've always had the summer and taken care of the gardening qe3deating and things like that.

He's not the type to set around so he's always looking m for something to do. Which is a good thing. Generally.

I love him but his retirement had retired me.too because I don't have anything to do.

I used to get up at 6 and go out and plow or hoe the garden or weedeat. It was my "me time"..it was something I enjoyed and looked forward to. Now it's gone.

I can't fault him because I know he'd go just setting around but now IM the one setting around.

I'm getting frustrated.

There are no weeds to hoe or cut. Nothing to plant in the garden because he's done it all.

I don't wanna sound ungrateful and I haven't talked to him about it but that garden was mine..just like my mamaws was hers..I planted what I wanted when I wanted and where I wanted. Not anymore.

I think that's partly why the house deal is bothering me so much...because I don't have an escape anymore.

I need that time in the garden. It keeps me sane.

He's always been gone this time.of year so it's been up to me to.do thise things and I have but now all those things to keep me busy aren't there anymore.

I can't talk to him because it will hurt his feelings and I don't wanna do that but when he talks about needing to be busy I'd like to tell him id.lime to be busy to but there's nothing to keep me busy now.

I can feel myself getting frustrated and I don't want things to come to a head but I don't know how to keep that from happening.

I know this isn't a therapy group but I figured some of yall might have went through this before and could.offer me some help and advice. I really need it.

If I say something he's going to get upset and swear.off doing anything or decided to go to his house and I don't want tha to happen but if I don't find something to do outside I'm going to.lose.my mind before it's a said and done.

I was gonna talk to him about it last night but he was wally proud of what he'd accomished yesterday so there was no way I was gonna ruin that for him.

I really do need your advice if you've been through a similar situation.

Thank you

It's simple, you need to get a job, Lol....Just kidding, it is an adjustment.

You can still get out and have your alone time, or I'm sure he wouldn't mind leaving you there and giving you that space when you need it....Relationships aren't 50/50 it's more like 100/100...Yes, you can talk to him, he can handle it... You have to express yourself for the health of your relationship.

I haven't been through a similar situation, but can offer my thoughts if that helps at all. Maybe make a list of things for YOU to accomplish and make a list of things for JERRY to accomplish. Keep some of your tasks separate so you both can check things off of your lists. My wife and I do that sometimes - we start with one long list of things that need to get done, then split them into two lists. Each person gets the gratification of crossing something off of their own list, but the items on each of our lists benefits the whole house.

Since there aren't enough illegals anymore, I think I'm seeing a way I can stock my farm with energetic retirees! Don't worry, way too much work to do to ever run out of the fun!

But seriously, my wife and I have enough respect with one another that we can talk out what our needs are. There is a book out there called "Cues" and it is a wonderful primer about how to better communicate. It's an interesting and fun read.

I can tell from your posts that you think the world of Jerry (I sometimes tell on you with my wife Fanny) and I'm sure that its likely reciprocal. Glass of wine and a relaxing evening and talk about what all these changes mean for each other.

Incidentally, both my wife and I find we need a decent amount of alone time as well.

The only answer is the Lord Jesus. You both come to him and you will have plenty of comfort and peace and you will enjoy talking to people and not being on your own with the Devil leading your life. If you garden, you see God working everyday. So join his family and change your life. Throw a pebble in the pool and see the ripples. That is what you do every day you touch someone in your life. You either spread love or you turn to yourself and spread evil. We are all that way from when we are born. Me, me ,me. You need to grow up and turn off the old self and join the Holy family. That is your only job here on earth. Turn to the Lord Jesus and ask for his help. You can not do it on your own and if you and your husband want to be at peace you need to talk about this.

Buy him a fishing rod. If he will not use it, you use it.

Sounds like you need two gardens.

Could you put in a garden big enough for you to both work in and sell produce, by the roadside, like you do with the ramps in the Spring? You seem to enjoy it.

Keith

Try this line on him - How can I miss you if you never leave?

Actually, wifey and I were and are both loners. We understand each other and get along very well. Two loners who are very close.

I asked Fanny what she had to say on the subject. Her response was and I quote: "Granny used to always say that the baby that don't cry don't get the teat". Colombians....sheesh!

So from what I gather,Jerry is taking over the chores you used to do in the garden?
Why not ask Jerry to cultivate another garden so you can both have your alone time doing what you want.
Maybe Jerry wants to spend more time with you in the garden?
You will need to discuss it with each other in a nice way.I realize you are concerned about him maybe taking it the wrong way-so you will have to approach the conversation carefully.

Lol. I did that on Monday.

We have 3 actually and it's all yhe same.in all of them.lol

And these are bigger gardens.lol

2 gardens not in direct view of each other.

Yes. That's what we've done. We have a strawberry patch just coming on. A watermelon field ..that's always been my baby...and a large garden with every type of produce you can imagine for the farmers market.

Communication is the thing only that will fix the problem. If u were unintentionally doing something that was bothering him wouldn't u want him to let u know about it?

I like it.lol

Since I'm divorced.........I'll just sit back and try to learn here.............

I'm not a good communicator. I have a hard time talking to him because ehe so3s go overboard and get upset.

I to him something about Graham crackers 15 yes ago..that was true but I was teasing him... and to this day he still wont eat them.

He's not real emotional or sympathetic so when we do have an intimate conversation concerning how we are feeling it ushly ends badly.

We can talk all day everyday about anything else but when it comes to our relationship we Booth seem to get on the defensive real fast...

As far as he's concerned if something is bothering you. Ignore it..it will eventually go away.

Jerry is probably also missing his alone time. My Dad was the gardener and he spent many hours after retirement watching it to make sure it was growing right. When he wasn’t doing that he was talking to the horse. You guys need to talk about it and you need to get your garden back. Jerry needs to find something else that he enjoys. I bet he already knows that,