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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: FairbanksLS]
#7591842
05/26/22 12:56 PM
05/26/22 12:56 PM
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
FairbanksLS
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
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Adjusting to spending over 6 more months together isn’t just going to go away.
formerly posting as white dog
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591845
05/26/22 12:59 PM
05/26/22 12:59 PM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,173
Rochester, MN
Teacher
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,173
Rochester, MN
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We talked extensively before I retired. Hours and hours and hours. I had reached the point where I felt like the FarSide cartoon that showed the kid raising his hand and saying, “Teacher, can I be excused? My brain is full”.
I’d had it with management and couldn’t take it anymore. Too many dictates from too many people. It was time to leave.
My wife was still working full time. I was trapping and had a part time job offer that looked good. The wife thought I couldn’t just leave work and just trap, meaning I needed to be needed by a job.
Jerry needs a job. With the unemployment rate pushing south of 4%, there are plenty of places that can use him. Then he needs a list of things to do around the house like cleaning gutters, putting in patio stones, washing the exterior window surfaces, fixing the picnic table, mowing the lawn, cleaning up his shop, painting the house. Anything to make him feel he is contributing to the benefit of both of you.
You’re not going to be 100% alone and neither is he. Both of you will need to compromise. Your marriage depends on communication as well as alone time.
Never too old to learn
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591846
05/26/22 12:59 PM
05/26/22 12:59 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
cathryn
OP
bvr-takr-upr
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OP
bvr-takr-upr
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
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Actually he says he doesn't. He repeatedly tells me.how happy he is just to be home so we can be together.
He is the only man I've ever known who wants me in every part of his life.everyday.
I lo e him for it but at the same time I need alone time..it doesn't mean I love him any less it's just that for my sanity I need that time.
I love him and I know he loves me..believe me or with all the issues with my kids and stuff... if he didn't he'd have been gone a long time ago.
I'd never day anything to hurt him intentionally that's why it's hard to talk to him about this because I'm afraid it's gonna hurt him.
IF IDIOTS GREW ON TREES THIS PLACE WOULD BE AN ORCHARD !
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591848
05/26/22 01:01 PM
05/26/22 01:01 PM
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Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 10,124
Marion Kansas
Yes sir
"Callie's little brother"
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"Callie's little brother"
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 10,124
Marion Kansas
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I'm not a good communicator. I have a hard time talking to him because ehe so3s go overboard and get upset.
I to him something about Graham crackers 15 yes ago..that was true but I was teasing him... and to this day he still wont eat them.
He's not real emotional or sympathetic so when we do have an intimate conversation concerning how we are feeling it ushly ends badly.
We can talk all day everyday about anything else but when it comes to our relationship we Booth seem to get on the defensive real fast...
As far as he's concerned if something is bothering you. Ignore it..it will eventually go away. I can understand. If u chose not to talk to him ur best option might be find yourself another hobby. Maybe a milk cow. Needs fed and milked twice a day and you can spent time making butter out of the cream. Let her dry up when Jerry's trapping and u don't need another hobby
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591857
05/26/22 01:19 PM
05/26/22 01:19 PM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,173
Rochester, MN
Teacher
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,173
Rochester, MN
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Lots of marriages have ended because a man without a job gets underfoot real fast. Tell him you both need some space. Put it in terms of both needing the space.
On the brighter side, he’ll get tired of not working by mid-summer and look for a job on his own. He likes his alone time too. Hang in there.
Never too old to learn
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591862
05/26/22 01:27 PM
05/26/22 01:27 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
cathryn
OP
bvr-takr-upr
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OP
bvr-takr-upr
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
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We've talked about a milk cow but he doesn't really want on because he said it'd tie us down too much. I've churned butter before.
Teacher. I do believe that he will end up working somewhere. I think that once he runs out of things to do he will have to.lol
He's told me that he's bee alone for 35 years. And he was on the ranch that now he's ready for us to be together and I want him with me. I love e him but I need somethings that help me to cope with issues I have. And gardening is/was my thing.
I don't want him out of the garden altogether. I just needs some weeds to hoe to.
I took the job I have now so we'd have some income coming in regularly for the day to dy necessities without having to go into savings.
I'm committed to him and our relationship and doing whatever I can to make our lives better I just need that alone time. Not just from him..from everyone...from time to time.
Ya know what I mean,?
IF IDIOTS GREW ON TREES THIS PLACE WOULD BE AN ORCHARD !
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591870
05/26/22 01:45 PM
05/26/22 01:45 PM
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,121
Killingly, CT
Brian Mongeau
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,121
Killingly, CT
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Buy him a fishing rod. If he will not use it, you use it. Lol. I did that on Monday. I bet you forgot the boat.
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591876
05/26/22 01:51 PM
05/26/22 01:51 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
cathryn
OP
bvr-takr-upr
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OP
bvr-takr-upr
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
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Neither of us are boat type of fishing people.
I really thank you guys for your advice.
It's very helpful to learn how yall how yall or would handle my situation.
Thank you. I really mean it.
IF IDIOTS GREW ON TREES THIS PLACE WOULD BE AN ORCHARD !
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591886
05/26/22 02:16 PM
05/26/22 02:16 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 15,694
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
Trapper7
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 15,694
MN, Land of 10,000 Lakes
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Jerry has retired. After 35 years he decided he was done it working on the ranch.in Wyoming so he didn't go back out to work this year.
He has worked away from May til Nov since weve been together. 16 years.our entire relationship.
I'm glad he's home but there are definitely some Changes.
First off I'm a loner. I love him but I also need time by myself. If I'm around anyone too much they begin to grate on me. That's anyone. I enjoy being alone. I don't need or want so.eone underfoot all the time.
I've never been that kind of person.
I've always had the summer and taken care of the gardening qe3deating and things like that.
He's not the type to set around so he's always looking m for something to do. Which is a good thing. Generally.
I love him but his retirement had retired me.too because I don't have anything to do.
I used to get up at 6 and go out and plow or hoe the garden or weedeat. It was my "me time"..it was something I enjoyed and looked forward to. Now it's gone.
I can't fault him because I know he'd go just setting around but now IM the one setting around.
I'm getting frustrated.
There are no weeds to hoe or cut. Nothing to plant in the garden because he's done it all.
I don't wanna sound ungrateful and I haven't talked to him about it but that garden was mine..just like my mamaws was hers..I planted what I wanted when I wanted and where I wanted. Not anymore.
I think that's partly why the house deal is bothering me so much...because I don't have an escape anymore.
I need that time in the garden. It keeps me sane.
He's always been gone this time.of year so it's been up to me to.do thise things and I have but now all those things to keep me busy aren't there anymore.
I can't talk to him because it will hurt his feelings and I don't wanna do that but when he talks about needing to be busy I'd like to tell him id.lime to be busy to but there's nothing to keep me busy now.
I can feel myself getting frustrated and I don't want things to come to a head but I don't know how to keep that from happening.
I know this isn't a therapy group but I figured some of yall might have went through this before and could.offer me some help and advice. I really need it.
If I say something he's going to get upset and swear.off doing anything or decided to go to his house and I don't want tha to happen but if I don't find something to do outside I'm going to.lose.my mind before it's a said and done.
I was gonna talk to him about it last night but he was wally proud of what he'd accomished yesterday so there was no way I was gonna ruin that for him.
I really do need your advice if you've been through a similar situation.
Thank you
Now, you sound like my wife. I plan to retire sometime this year too. She keeps telling me I'll end up just sitting around watching TV and doing nothing. Wrong! I have so much I want to do before I die. I have a woods that's overrun with Buckthorn that I want to get rid of . I have a lot of downed trees I want to cut up. I want to finally have time to do a decent job on my garden. Plus, we have a house on a lake 50 miles away. I want to spend some quality time fishing. Right now I only have time to go on weekends. I want to be able to go when the fish are biting and the weather is nice. I still want to shoot a few more elk and deer while I'm still able to. I started as an insurance agent August of 1967. The way I figure it, that's nearly 55 years ago. The way I see it, I put my working time in. It's time to quit. And I have a daughter that's itchin to take over my insurance agency. She's been with me over 25 years and really understands insurance. She deserves what I will leave her.
We are told not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but are told to judge all gunowners by the actions of a few.
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591889
05/26/22 02:37 PM
05/26/22 02:37 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
cathryn
OP
bvr-takr-upr
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OP
bvr-takr-upr
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 16,762
West Virginia,age 49
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I think I just need to be more understanding.
All he's ever known has been working out there and I think maybe he feels a little lost.
He's not doing everything to knock me out of doing it. I think he's just trying to keep busy and do thise things so I won't have to..now that he's home.
I've told him how good everything looks..the yard and the garden because it does. I brag on him all the time because he's one heck of a worker.
I guess I could have worse problems from him..hub?
I love him.amd he loves me and we are just going to have to find our places in our "new" relationship.
He's going to Minnesota tomorrow to sell the beaver and castor.
He'll be gone till Sunday morning sometume.
I'm gonna take that opportunity to piddle in the garden and get my head on straight.
I know he's doing the things he's doing because he's kinda lost like I said and he doesn't want me to have to do it when I come home from work.
He's repeatedly said I shouldn't have to work..it's his job and I've told him he's taken care of things a longtime now it's my turn to make some.money for us.
I've always worked but this is the best paying job I've had.
I want him to have time to find himself and his spot in his new life too..
It's a drastic change. From being a ranch foreman..
He has job offers all the time because he's a hard worker . He's worked for people on here before.. heck he used to trim Christmas trees for Bob (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman).
He's not afraid of hard work by any means..there's a couple guy's in Colorado who'd put him to work tomorrow but I don't want him to work his life away and then have no time to take it easy.
He deserves to be able to work for himself and do what he wants and he deserves to have an understanding life partner because he's a good man.
I have to do better by him and be more understanding because at th end of the day I love him and I'd be lost without him.
Last edited by cathryn; 05/26/22 02:44 PM.
IF IDIOTS GREW ON TREES THIS PLACE WOULD BE AN ORCHARD !
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591902
05/26/22 03:25 PM
05/26/22 03:25 PM
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
FairbanksLS
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
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Now you’re advising both men and women on how to train their significant others. Is your expertise based on your own training?
formerly posting as white dog
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Re: Retirement..how to deal with the changes?
[Re: cathryn]
#7591914
05/26/22 03:54 PM
05/26/22 03:54 PM
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
FairbanksLS
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 4,324
AK
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I think you’re skirting my question.
formerly posting as white dog
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