Posted By: Pawnee
Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 03:23 AM
I posted a few weeks ago about my Marine buddy that lost his wife. He has 3 kids under 5 years old. She killed herself on the little guys Bday. It was his 1st birthday.
I’ve been asked if her headstone should show another date. Maybe 3-4 days plus or minus his birthday. I think it should not show the same date as her death. A little boy at the age of 10 doesn’t need to put 2 & 2 together and figure out his mom kilted herself on his Bday. If he figures it out when he is a man. He can deal with it, but a little guy doesn’t need to worry about things like that. A year from now WHO will remember the date! What do you guys think??
Posted By: N.Roberts
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 03:35 AM
What a terrible thing to need to worry about.
Could you just put years ? If she was my age, it would read 1977-2018 and leave out the exact date?
Hang in there.
Posted By: Yes sir
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 03:37 AM
Yeah the kid shouldn't have to deal with that. Another option maybe just just month and year..??
Posted By: Anonymous
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 03:38 AM
That sounds like a no win situation. My opinion on the headstone is to not have a lie etched in stone for the rest of their lives. Sad
YEAR OF BIRTH AND YEAR OF DEATH IN THIS SITUATION IS WHAT I WOULD SUGGEST
Posted By: adam m
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 04:28 AM
Another vote for year&year
yes just the year my brother died 3 days before my birthday went I was 9 still think about it every year
Posted By: Getting There
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 11:20 AM
How about the summer of 2018.
Posted By: MB750
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 11:22 AM
My Grandmother died when my Dad was 2 months old. He was the last of 10 kids. He never mentioned her very often because "I never knew her." My Grandpa married a while later & Alma was my Grandma, the only one I knew.
Posted By: Kyt
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 07:32 PM
We have good intentions to shield kids from the truth. But if he notices that other headstones have the month and day, he may wonder why his mothers is different. When he finds out the exact date, it may be more of a trauma to him because he will realize people were trying to hide it from him. The truth is he had nothing to do with it.
Personally, I would put the correct date on the stone. Then it will look like all the others. I'd make sure the kids know that their mother died because she was sick and felt she could not bear to live any longer. No one knows why she happened to die on that day. In her state of mind she may have had no idea it was his birthday.
I think people commit suicide because they are mentally, or physically,(or both) sick. Either way, it was not the kid's fault, so don't attach any special significance to the date. Then maybe he won't either.
Posted By: Law Dog
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 07:39 PM
Year only but I'd still have the talk about the postpartum issues and the mental health issues that come with it like Kyt pointed out when the time is right.
Just imagine keeping it from the child only to figure it out some day and the damage that might do then. A tough road to hoe either way but the truth is better then a lie any day. IMO
Posted By: AntiGov
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 07:41 PM
He's gonna know anyway.why all the trouble of a headstone ?
Just spread her ashes over the ocean
Posted By: traprjohn
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 11:28 PM
^^^The wife and I both agree...….if he really wants to know as an adult, he can look it up in public records
Sadly, we've been there, done that,
Posted By: Pawnee
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/14/18 11:37 PM
Thanks for the replies. I was thinking just like you all, but needed some reassurance
Posted By: Kyt
Re: Wisdom needed!!! - 09/15/18 02:55 PM
Keep in mind the headstone is just one of several sources of that information. The other kids, the neighbors, the relatives may also be sources that let it slip or tell him on purpose. Kids can be mean when they are angry. Or the other kids may think he is somehow to blame and resent him. Good luck keeping it a secret.