DUI

Well at least I know she won't be drinking for the next few hours.
At least I got the car back in one piece.

Prayers continue for you and your family, Warrior.

Glad nobody was hurt.




Charlie

Maybe you can use this to get your wife into a good alcohol treatment program. I hope it goes as well as possible for you.

Keith

Thank you

Pray that this will knock some quitting sense into her. I love her more than life itself but I can't do this for her.

I hate to hear it. I hope some good can come out of this for you.

Dang that's sad to hear hope things improve some.

I hope it was the wake up call she needs.

A lot of good folks have bad problems hope it works out the best it can.

If you live in a small town, go talk to the judge, on the down low, and have him put her in state run treatment. They have dried out some mighty fine folk in my county over the years, to everyones betterment. Everyone I know here who has been sent came back with a different attitude. Admittedly, I live is a very rural place with a lowlow population.

It works here for us.

Recovery is not easy but well worth it. Rigorous honesty, acceptance and the use of good support groups work for many. Self will rarely is successful as it is self will that causes people to do things that normal non addictive personalities would never think about or comprehend.

Family can provide great and needed support but you don't want to function as an enabler so that they can keep on keepin on.

Bryce

It is going to follow for life now. First thing they ask at boarder if you have been finger printed..........DUI after 5 years get a laywer to innull the charges.

Her 1st ?

Unfortunately I and the local magistrate have had some issues. She's a crazy cat lady and I'm a trapper. She thinks the county can tell you what you can and can't do on your own property and I think everyone should mind their own business.

Yes, first anything.

Well, hard as it is to say, it probably would have been better if it was her 2nd or 3rd simply because the court would have sent her away for awhile for some serious treatment. I have no idea about Georgia law but usually a first offense is treated fairly easily by the courts. However, it usually depends on the BAC. Any idea what she blew? Or what her blood sample was? A high BAC can get some very stiff penalties depending on the state.

Hope everything works out for the both of you, sir. Prayers sent.
Dealing with a lot of family addiction problems here, so I feel for you...
PM me if you want to talk.

Some people have to hit rock bottom before they wake up to their problem. Unfortunately for everyone involved, rock bottom is a dangerous place to be.
I'll be pulling for her and for you on getting all of this straightened out.
Good on you for being there for her through thick and thin, for better and for worse, good health and bad.

Sorry for your troubles bud. Best wishes to you and I hope it works out for the best.

Hoping for the best outcome!!!

I hope it turns out for the best, Warrior.

As far as talking to the judge on the sly, an ethical judge wouldn't do that.

Jim

I don't know about her ethics but I do know she's nuts. According to her state law doesn't apply in Spalding county.

Hope this works out for you. Just had a good friend get arrested for the fourth time all OD's and the work. Found with a syringe and enough to kill her in it. Plan was suicide but couldn't follow through with . So hard on all.

Very sorry to hear this, good luck. Unfortunately this will continue until something else in her life becomes more important than this. This comes from personal experience, 32 yrs sober for me so it can be done. Until her time comes it is probably going to get expensive. Best Wishes

Warrior, sorry to hear she got one but thankfully no one was injured. Hopefully this is an eye opener for her. Prayers continue

Sitting here waiting on her one phone call. Bet her dam pride won't let her, we'll see.

In no way am I condoning DUI . But in many states the system does nothing but penalize the person for his action . It is set up to make the person guilty of DUI pay huge fines ,spent time in jail .pay large insurance premiums and attend classes to stop them from doing it again .If you look at the number of repeat offenders it is plain to see that method is not working I have seen repeat DU offenders simply drive without a license when they knew they where drunk . More penalties often put the person doing the crime is a position of drinking and driving more It is not something I have an answer to . But we as a society need to find a better way to deal with what is happening.It is a problem that is getting worse as it goes on

The key thing is the person has to want to stop.

I had a DUI back in June of 1995, but the following year it was like nothing ever happened, and for many years afterwards.

I got lucky - very very lucky - then one day i decided I did not want to go down that road anymore, and today - I can state that it's been years since I took the wheel with a drink in me.
In fact, the stories I can tell scare me today and today I can't stand being around people who are either high or intoxicated....

But I made that choice, not some one else.

One day I just decided that it was no longer fun to go out and party, and part of the reason why I cooled it was a look my dog gave me when I was going to tie one on at home.

That was it.....

*And I never looked back.

PS: And remember - relapse is a part of recovery.
Sometimes it is super difficult to walk away and know right from wrong..............

I know it was for me - a good twenty years elapsed before I finally figured it out - but I did, and thank God each day that I was able to on my own.

Thoughts Prayers + Hugs.........

Big George Glad to hear you have been able to maintain a sober life style for all these years .I have lost several family members to addiction . They not bad people but the problems they had such control of their lives they made repeated bad choices. It is more than just stopping the drinking for most of them . Their entire social life revolves around drinking and all the people them hang out with are just like them Keep heading in the right direction one day at a time

Well I lost the bet, she called. Pure defiance, not good. Now I got a decision to make. Dammed if I do dammed if I don't.

Sorry to hear about the situation you're in Warrior.

I have been there. It was awful ! Fortunately for me I have a friend who has been sober now for 40+ years. I asked him what to do. He said..........."kick her out".

That was crushing to hear from a friend.

But he was right. Until she hits bottom you can't help her.

Hopefully there are no kids involved.

As Bryce said above.........don't be an enabler.

You need to take care of yourself first. If she chooses to help herself....so much the better. The two things are NOT interdependent !

I sure wish you luck !

Hang in there Brother, there's a lot of good people here who truly care about you and the situation which you are in.

1500 bond

Nothing like a night stay in jail to make a person realize it's time for a change in direction.

Surely its a percentage of $1500 like most are here in MS

Cash or property. Bondsman is 10%.

That's not the problem, though.

I don't envy you your decision. Very difficult not to be an enabler at times with someone you love.

Hang in there, Warrior.

Jim

Sheesh. 24 hours in the clink will not hurt. Go to bed, and deal with it in the morning, when she is sober!

Since her response to you was "pure defiance", I would leave her in jail. She needs to realize her bad behavior effects you and the rest of your family too.

Keith

My ex had 2 DWI while we were married. She never called me from jail, either my sister or a friend. I finally had enough and kicked her out after 23 years of marriage. Been divorced 20 years now, she is still an alcoholic. She has nothing, rents a bedroom in a basement. She's 60 and I can't believe she's lived this long. Cigarettes and whiskey have really aged her, looks like she's 75. At one time, she was a pretty woman. Now she locks up the bar every night. What a life.

Feb.17 i was probably saved by a pair of state troopers.had i stayed on the mental path i was on i don't know if i'd be typin this now.

have no urge to ever drink again and pray i don't.

hang in there our friend.we are all here for ya as they all were for me.

My sympathies go out to you and hope this could be a wake up call for her. You are getting some excellent advice here. Take care of yourself number one. This can be extremely stressful.
I have been in this exact situation and unfortunately it did not work out. After treatment she went right back to drinking and eventually cancer took her away. It was a wake up call for me, however, and after observing what alcohol was doing to her and our family, I gave it up. It will be 25 years sober for me next March 13th.

I kind of agree with this. ^^
A little humble pie should have been in order. if she comes home and starts drinking again you have a Big decision to think over.
I wish you the best on what ever you do!

A lot of that defiance toward you is due to anger and fear with others and herself. You can choose to do what you feel is best for you but just letting her set in jail because she is angry is probably not what is going to free her from the disease and behavior she has shows.

Bryce

Getting a lot of armchair QB decisions here. You will have to decide what is right for you. Know that you have friends here that will support you in whatever you decide. Will keep you in my prayers.

Warrior, I have walked in your shoes. There is only one truth to everything that has been said and that is " Nothing will change till she wants it too!" You can't force her to get help or make her see the light until she is the one making the choice to seek help.

I'll Pm you my number and feel free to call with questions or to just vent.

I watched my wife drink herself to an early grave and what it did to her kids and to mine ( our second marriage for both), she got 3 dui in a year and a half and then spent a year and a half in prison. To be honest even after all that it was, getting drunk and almost ruining her sons wedding that I saw some change to her behavior and trying to change. She past away after a surgery (blood clot) that was needed due to years of drinking, less then a month later.

Did I love her any less NO but it sure hurt those around her and we are still recovering.

Only you can know what you can handle and what the effect is on your kids .

I have been in your situation. I tried being sympathetic and supportive but it wore me out and I had nothing left to give. You cant save someone from themselves, they have to do it. Take care of yourself because her alcohol altered brain sure will not do it. If kids are involved get them away from the situation. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and know the effects it has on a kid even into adulthood. Good luck my brother, you have a hard row to hoe.

When i was younger i had four dui's.
Lost my license for more than 20 years.
Everyone has their.own problems and I doubt.you'll find
the answers here.

You cannot help her until she’s ready to be helped. Letting her deal with the consequences may wake her up. Once she is ready to heal give her support and grace, don’t rub all this in her face ever unless she starts up again.

Prayers and best wishes for you, Brenda and your family.

Do not kick her out, that will hurt the kids and you more than you want to imagine. It is a catch 22 to do so, yes it might give her the wake up call she needs but it also might drive her to drink more especially with the increase of depression. Let her go before the judge, be prepared for her having a suspended license vehicles turned into inflatable cars. Do not even attempt taking her anywhere where alcohol is served or sold. Yes she might still find a way to get it but the less exposure the better. The exception is grocery stores but avoid the booze section. It will be hard for all of your family to go through this together, but remember your vows.

Prayers continue.

My friend had a sauce hound for a wife.....tried and tied...he finally got some relief when here liver gave out. She loved the Jack Daniels too much.

Still praying for you and your family. I’ve spent my life watching my dad deal with employees with this problem. It takes s lot of patience, and prayer. Only had one that we couldn’t help. God bless

I've been in your shoes and now am a single dad as a result. It's gotta be tough love from here on out. You cannot help someone who doesn't want to help them self. But, you can lay down some rules as to how your your family will move forward. Be supportive, but do not be an enabler!!!! That was my mistake. The problem is, an addict brings down everyone close to them. Don't let it happen to you or your family. Do what is best, the rest will sort itself out. I'd be happy to answer any questions via pm if you'd like. Good luck brother, I'll pray for you.

There is an aa type program for spouses, alanon or something like that, they will be able to help. I wish you the best.

Most people don't wake up one morning and say today I'm going to turn into an alcoholic. Often there is an underlying problem. Two reasons to drink in excess, your young and happy or drowning your problems. Or at least that's where it starts. You probably know which it is.

Spot on.

Never wouldve thought so many guys have had issues ththe drunk wives/mothers/girlfriends. Society usually paints the man as the deadbeat drunk while our women glamourize morning mimosas, lunch wine, afternoon margaritas and evening cocktails.

The media needs to do a better job shaming this toxic behaviour.


Wishing everyone here the strength to stand strong and tall.

Oh I think it effects both sexes. I think one is just more hidden or dismissed which is really unfortunate.

This will pass. One step at a time. Best of luck to you and your wife.