For the love of $ ( inheritance)

What are your views?
Talked to a buddy of mine that has a very terminal cancer. Sounds like he's got less than 2 months.
He's fairly well off, worth a few million so he says and I believe him.

Anyway, it sounds like he's gonna leave everything to his son who is about 35-40.
I've know the son for years. Never had a job for more than a few weeks.
A total drunk/ meth head and has been for YEARS!.
Dad has spent buco- bucks bailing him out of trouble.
Got into a small debate with him without stepping on his toes about why he would leave it all to his totally worthless kid.
His reply was, ( who else am I gonna leave it too)
Now, I ain't all knowed up on money but for those that do, can you not declare leaving it too anyone you see fit?
What makes folks deed their hard earned $ on someone who will blow on drugs?
The guy KNOWS his kids a loser, talks about it but still is gonna leave him everything.
There is a a young guy that is a super respectful/ hard working fella helping him out for years with no pay.
The guys kind of a hermit and doesn't know many people.
Just drives me NUTS he's gonna give it all to a total loser instead of giving it to the kid that bends over backwards to help him out.
Am I outta bounds if I bring this up too him?

If you are friends, sure you can bring it up. Thing is though, it's his decision on where his money goes. It might sting you, but you should respect your friends decision and move on gladly knowing he did what he wanted.

If it was me I would mention to him that he should consider giving the other young man who has helped him a portion of his holdings. I would not be afraid to have that discussion with him.

Moosetrot

What your friend should do is appoint an executor of his estate, who pays out a small amount of money at a time, over a long period of time to the son, on the condition that he competes a drug and alcohol program and tests clean before receiving the payments. It will keep the son from splurging and immediately overdosing.

He could appoint the other young man as executor. Executors typically receive pay from the estate for their work.

Keith

I'd mention it. He wouldn't have to give all of it to any one person. If he split it up a little he could give his kid some but still give a huge chunk to the other whom seems more deserving.

It's his choice.but I don't think your outta bounds your trying to help your friend make a hard choice his son should get some of it with certain agreements with how and what the son has to do to get some of the inheritance,like holding down a job,getting clean and counciling etc.

Yup outta line. If he brings it up you can input. Anyone I know Bucks?
In the end if he does not make something official it will go to probate which is
A shame.
My favorite charity is the Shriners children’s hospital, wish it were his.

Osky

X2. I was thinking the same.

He has time to put together a nice tight trust for his kid with scheduled dispersements. Lots of options.
Sometimes things just aren’t right.

Osky

Another good idea.

Osky

The lowest cost option would probably be to set up a trust for the son. I'm assuming the soon-to-be-deceased wants to benefit his own blood.

A trust would pay the son a certain amount of dollars per month, and won't allow the son to (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman) it all away on drugs, fast cars, and faster women.

Jim

Yep with stipulations ........like continuous employment ........

No Osky, you don't know this guy.
Thing is, he's bad mouthed his son for years. His son has beat him up, stole MANY things to pay for drugs and he Knows it.
Yet he still wants to leave it all to his son.
I don't think I'll ever have enough $ when I die to give it to anyone but if I do, I know dam well I'd think it through and leave it too a person/ family that I felt would use it wisely. Please
An older guy I knew and did work for died a few year back. He was a multi millionaire but a world class ahole to the 9 the decree. He told me he was gonna leave 10% to his church.
I don't recall saying anything to him but to recall thinking" hey dude, you ain't buying your way to heaven"
I'm sure Satan is sick of him already!
But really, what makes someone think because it a family member they have to treat them special even after getting stepped on SO many times?

I agree with James a trust is a good option.

Good grief BNB, it's HIS choice. If you are a friend, you'll respect that. Knowing your dying ain't easy, bringing things up is ok but you need to let him go out the way he wants. That's what friends do.

Tell him to put part or all of it in a trust fund. Giving him only part of it each year. Then maybe if the kid gets his life straightened out he will have some of it left.......
Tricky part may be finding a trustee to look over it or some banks will for a yearly fee.....

Sorry James didn't read from the top .

Yea what James said......

OOPS you to osky

I know it's his choice and I'm trying to keep my mouth shut but it's HARD!!!
There's more to it than what I've mentioned but I'll say his son has treated him WAY worse than I've said so far!.
I seldom dive into anyone's $/ personal life as it's non of my business but this one is tough.!

Why does someone feel that way when it’s family?
Because in the end we only have authority and impression over family. We always wonder if we had been there a bit more often, stayed a bit longer, been a bit more involved... in other words taken just a bit more responsibility things could very well have been different. It’s difficult to hold someone to your standards if you were not involved enough to instill those standards.
There is generally a feeling of giving when in the reality of leaving this world, versus an expectation of perfection in the loved ones we leave behind.
I guess we’ll all know it one way or another ourselves soon enough.

Osky

x2 all of the above

That's some truth there!

I can't understand why folks get to that point without a plan in place. Especially if there's a large estate to be dispersed. Even if the son is going to blow it it sounds like he has no clue what he's getting or how.

It may sound morbid but the last two generations have had that discussion with us long before it came near. There's a three inch thick three ring binder sitting on my father's dresser that details his living trust and health directives with another copy in a more secure location. I and both my brothers are fully up to date on the contents. My mother passed without a single cent of hers having to go through probate or to get diverted to pay a shyster or tax.

Tell him what you think. Leaving a guy like that money will do nothing but fund his drugs and booze. He could leave it to anyone or anything he wants.

I haven’t had the conversation with my kids cause my oldest is only ten, but my will is gonna be written in such a way that if any of them aren’t responsible, productive members of society, and if they manage their own money poorly, they won’t get a penny when I pass. I won’t put my lifetime of hard work towards funding bad behavior. If it came to that I’d find a disabled vet or something to leave it to.

You might want to talk to a lawyer on that. In general practice you can't will things with strings attached. A trust however can usually conditionally disperse assets.

You might try informing him that he can leave his estate to whom ever he wants. In the end it is his chose. But atleast make sure he knows his choices.

That's some deep stuff Osky!

Bob, I like the way you think but, how would you wtire that will up??

With proper planning the transition while painful is smoothly done without unneeded distraction. The most difficult decision that had to be made at my mother's passing was picking the color of her casket.

I don't think you will feel settled with your self unless you at least suggest something for the other young guy.

Moosetrot

What's the man passion and go from there, giving that "kid" that kind of money might kill the kid.

I am trying to look at it from the dying man's perspective.
Personally, I have 2 wonderful sons. For that, I am blessed. Not every father is blessed that way. If I had a dirt bag of a son who did not get his act together before age 40, and I then find out that I am going to die in 2 months, I would be overwhelmed with thoughts of my short comings and failure to turn my wayward son around. Rational thought processes aside, that is how I would surely feel.
So now, with only a few months to live, all I have left to offer is a big sum of money to leave him. I have little time left to do anything else. The son will have to figure the rest out by himself. Sink or swim. My work is done. It is out of my hands now.
My recommendation to you, bucksnbears, is to spend as much time as you can with your dying friend, and just be there for him.

Bucks, the problem I see is if you suggest he leave his estate somewhere else, he might think you are angling to get part of it.

Jim

Why cause the man conflict and uncertainty in his final days? Tell him you love him and help him pass in peace.

I'm kinda quite when it comes too personal things. I want to but..
I'd rather see the inheritance go to someone they respect, not necessarily Love?
Wietd?

Well said!

Son is one lucky loser

Nonchalantly mention to your friend to tell his son how much he loves him and leave him a $100! Give the rest to charity. That way he won't be paying for his son's death.

There is an old saying "MONEY, IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL !!" .

Seen this type of situation a few times , through the years. You try to do the best for someone, and they squander it on parties, drugs, booze, gambling , Women... The list goes on and on.. The point is, when someone is older and there really is just one person there to step up to the plate and take care of them; why shouldn't they be rewarded? While the rest of the Family sits back on the sidelines either unable, or unwilling to help out during a loved one's final years, they sure can voice there opinion when they think you should be doing more than just taking care of the person 24/7 365 days a year!
Then, there are the ones that only care about what's in the Will, and how much they will get , when the person kicks the bucket.

And then , there are the people that when they are told that the person only wants a SIMPLE FUNERAL, No Viewing . Just direct in the ground burial. Those people , when told that, blow a fit. They want a full blown funeral , so THEY can mourn
Well, the way I see it, I can't see spending money on a big funeral , so that everyone can say their last goodbyes . If you want to see me , see me while I am still alive . Don't expect me to pay for a big old-fashioned funeral, where the GUEST OF HONOR, is laying in a Coffin ; unable to enjoy the Funeral because he or she is already dead and gone !

Went to a few estate seminars. Not sure how it works in the US, but here, you don't have to give anything to your kids. But, if you're going to do that, you have to have good reason to, because, especially when there is money involved, those left out of the will can hire lawyers to try to get their piece.

In the end, if you're not doing the standard thing, best to get a professional to help take care of the details.

Or, if your friend will give you Power of Attorney (it's what we call it up here--essentially gives whoever is designated the same signing privileges as the person it's for), he could give you that now and you could sell his assets and give them away before he passes on. If it's all legal (get his wishes to sell and give away witnessed by some lawyer), then there will be no contest later.

has he shot over 400 deer?

I there a way one can ensure that the future payments that are supposed to come from a trust fund cannot be sold by the kid?......"It's my money and I want it NOW!" We've all seen the commercials.

Trusts can be pretty bulletproof.

Osky

A good friend just went though something similar. His friend passed and left millions to his loser son. Within 6 months his son drank himself to death and didn't have a will so the state got it all.

1 Timothy 6:10 King James Version (KJV)

10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.


Full quote, it's the love of money that is evil not money itself.

Wouldn't it be interesting to know the amount the state and federal tax systems steal from the people who pass each year? If battling to protect what you have worked for all your life isn't enough while living, the vultures are there to pounce particularly on those who's estates were caught unaware.

Osky

There are a lot of good charities out there. I do some work for one which really helps people get free from the chains of addiciton.

Surely he has some compassion for some of them that he could leave some money to. I would sit down with him and see what kinds of things pull at his heart strings and help him put some of them in his will. He could also put some stipulations on how his son gets the money, to help make sure it doesn't further ruin his son's life.

Tough situation but I applaud you for being concerned about him and his son.

FYI, here's a little video about the organization I work for. https://www.facebook.com/mnfishingchallenge/videos/1105429696300481/

Money is neither good or evil. Large sums of money just make people more of what they already are. If you’re selfish it makes you more selfish. If you’re generous it’ll make you more generous.

Its real hard and touchy. My dad passed (divorced) and wanted to leave the paid off house to us 3 kids but as you know never got around to it. So his worthless new wife and her more worthless
daughter got everything. Now his wife is passed and her daughter is living in dads newer, mortgage free house. Now that moms widowed we are trying to get her to get her will the way she wants
it and leave her ex's kids out if she so chooses. But you can't keep pushing its got to be their choice but you hate for them to pass and not have it how they want it.

If he wants his kid to have it all you can do (and do it) is state your mind?

It would be easy for him to leave his son the money but it sounds like he's been doing the easy thing for 35 to 40 years. . now is the time to do the hard thing GIVE HIM NOTHING.

I think if he wants to give it to his kid, that his choice. Your option is the best solution.

Great suggestion.

Original Greek is:
A root of all kinds of evil is the love of money.

Not all evil is caused by rhe love of money as the KJV might imply.

I know that may sound a little nitpicky, but it is a significant difference.

He should talk to his attorney - he is going to know what his options are better than any of us. I have been tasked with being an executor a couple times and I am it for my mom's estate now so I'll throw out a couple of things I learned.

If he isn't specific in his will when it goes to probate the court will decide how the estate is divided and usually that ends up being divided equally to his children after any other outstanding expenses are deducted from the estate. Many states do not recognize step children as rightful heirs so if something is to be left to a step child it's good practice to spell it out in the will. Cash assets can be handled outside of the estate simply by having POD (payable on death) signature cards on file with the bank which allows that person to withdraw the money with a certified death certificate - this step keeps cash out of probate court. This works for safe deposit box contents as well.

The best thing he can do is go to his attorney and ask what his options are but at the end of the day it's his stuff and he decides where it goes. If he thinks he has no other options than leave it all to his son the attorney can get into trusts, life estates,etc.with him. Also be aware that whatever we tell you on here laws often vary from state to state on some of these things.

Do yourselves and your loved ones a favor - plan ahead.

You love your kids, even when they are screwed up.

I too would do a trust. Kid will blow the money in the first couple of years otherwise. It's pretty safe to pull 4% out of a trust and not lose any principal if it's invested properly. If your buddy has $2M, the kid can get $80K per year for the rest of his life. That's a lot of meth.

But, it's really not your business. As a friend, you can always offer advise if you think it will help but, as a friend, let him decide what to do with his money.

I don't like too meddle in other people's financial stuff.
He sounds set on giving it to his son so I believe I'll just keep my mouth shut.
Just kinda irritates me when it could go to somebody in need ( or several)

Good plan. In the end, money is nothing. Heck, money is nothing before the end. Family is all anyone, really, has. I have seen way to many folks try to do "what's right" and the reality is, there are no winners. Let your friend make the decision and support him. As if it isn't tough enough to die with some amount of dignity.

Stay out of it.
Stay Out of it..
Stay Out Of it...
Stay Out Of It....
STAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!!

IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

So you're saying I should stay out of it?

He can set it up as an "allowance", so much a month and NO MORE. Of course the lawyer/accountant will take a bite,l bu that seems reasonable under those circumstances.

I would look deep and hard into a trust. From my understanding, Minnesota's trust's have changed somewhat in the last few years and not for the best.

You fellas sound like a bunch of raging liberals, trying to reallocate the wealth of this poor fellow away from his family. Please, think about that. Worse case scenario, the young man inherits and puts the money right back in the economy. Do you folks, somehow, think you are entitled to make this guy's decisions? I'm glad I am not related to most of you folks!

Buying drugs isn't necessarily putting money back into the economy.

yep, and you could suggest ONE TIME smaller amt(s) to the MN Trappers Assn, RMEF, Ruffed Grouse Society, Trout Unlimited, etc, etc...like 5 or 10k ???

How is controlling how your own life's labor ($$$) is distributed to who and how you want being liberal?

Just giving it away without requiring need, cause or condition is definitely liberal.

BTW, speaking of libs. Just how do you think the likes of the kennedys, pews, soros, clintons and the like maintain their families wealth in order to stay in power?

Mind your own business.

The man wants to give his money to his kid for crying out loud. It's everyone else that is trying to tell him to do something else. While I watched my wife die, had she wanted to give everything she owned to her only daughter a the last thing I would have done is argue with her. Maybe, this fella didn't spend enough time raising his kid while he was making his millions? Who knows? Whatever the reason, it sure isn't up to us to second guess his dieing wishes.

Well maybe I'll try to set the senario better.
The father is a VERY simple man. I really don't think he knows better. To him, giving the $ to his kid is just " the
way" it's supposed to be. I'm not sure he knows about other avenues to distribute it too?.

I've made up my mind( I think) , I will say nothing to him about it as much as I want to.
Some of you guys are right. It's none of my business.

Good plan!

True, I'm of the mind my own business camp for the original question. Though I'm also tactless enough to tell a dying man his only son is a bum just because I feel being polite is sometimes over rated when telling the truth is needed.

There's always the option of minding your own business.

Bucks.... In the end I think your somewhat right. If the fellow doesn't know better, helping him get in touch with a good attorney to set up a trust is a very good idea. You may not like who he gives his estate to, but whoever it is is a better option than giving any more than need be to the state and federal govts. They have been whacking away at that earned wealth all the guys life, they are the ones who should get nothing more.

Osky

Even bad blood can be thicker than water. I would put it in a trust for the son with a executor and if he doesn't pull through he looses and it goes to a charity, maybe to help sick kids enjoy some life.

Good grief..If the guy has alzheimers,then yea get him some help.If not,,quit being liberals and thinking YOU know best what he should do with HIS money.

I agree, Osky. It sounds like a person who needs a little guidance. The suggestion of setting up a trust account for the son through an attorney is a good idea. It might make the son more responsible. If the father doesn't want to take that advice, at least you made a fair suggestion. Then, I would bow out of the situation. In the end, it's up to the father what he wants to happen to his money.

I love how all the non millianaires NEED to give the actual millionaire financial advice.Cracks me up.

Nooo, unless I'm mistaken which I could be I did not read that the guy has Alzheimer's?
I took it the fellow is not savvy so to speak in dealing with some things, his estate being one. Add that to the devastation of just being told you have terminal cancer and only 8 weeks to live things can get very foggy. Wether this fellow has one hundred dollars or one hundred million dollars makes no difference in context to my statement nor who he gives it to. My suggestion was purely to keep the state and federal govt out of things.
Deleted that, wasn't called for.

Osky

Never assume.

That's right!

Bucks, you came in here with a tough nut to crack, listened to MANY opinions. I believe that you have thoroughly sifted through it and have come up with the best option. Not an easy task, but I think that you have come up with what is best for everyone involved. Let the chips fall where they may.

Sometimes being a good friend means telling a friend something they don't want to hear, even if it destroys the friendship, if it's in your friends best interest.

The question is it better for your friend if you say nothing to him and his son gets all the money at once, likely quickly spends it all and possibly overdoses and dies, or to give your friend constructive advise on how to set up his estate to care of his son.

If you believe that death is the end, saying nothing to your friend would likely be best for your friend if he has never thought of the repercussions of leaving his estate, enmasse to his son. He will die with less worry.

If you believe your friend is worried about what will happen when his son inherits all the money at once, you should advise him.

If you believe in an afterlife, where the deceased can keep track of the living, advising your friend on how to set up the estate is best.

Keith

If the guy is a friend, there is no harm in bringing it up and asking what he wants, being clear that he wants to leave the money to his son. If he wants to give it to the son, then it becomes the father's business. If the father doesn't want to leave it to his son and but doesn't want to do anything about it, then it's still the father's business.

My late mother was like that. My father had left her significant investments and she had no business sense and didn't take make great decisions with it. We asked if she wanted help and she didn't and that was that. You can't help some people.

Maybe the father wants to give it to the son as a punishment. If the money doesn't destroy him, can't imagine what would be worse than being dirt poor after having the silver spoon handed to you.