Fathers with Daughters ?

I knew this day would come, my daughter has found the love of her life.

He seems to be a good kid. That said there are a couple things that concern me. Most of his conversation is money and things. The other is, he drives a Ford.

I question his priorities. My question is, do I hold on have those conversations until he comes to me for that serious conversation or do I begin the interrogation now?

Get your bluff in early.

Good for her. I’d do it now! The good lord knew what he was doing when he gave me and the wife all boys. Girls of any age scare me. Old man told me something I’ve never forgotten when me twin boys were born. I replaced the word he used with thing.lol

“It’s easier to keep track of one THING. Than it is to keep track of EVERYTHING in town!”

He’ll never be good enough. Doesn’t matter how good he is.

Start now...it may get worse...lol
Does he hunt, trap, or shoot ?
Got to ask about that...

If he talks about money and things, he will probably always have a decent job. If he drives a Ford, he knows his .

Time for the flood light!

I'd start now

I would jump right in there now , the guy drives a ford , hes a pretty shady character.

Now! Ford is good!
I'd see how serious he is, make him prove he is worthy.
Ask to see his cell phone internet history

If it's an F series pickup he's a keeper. But I say definitely better have some talks with him about how he treats your daughter, and a mention or two about capital punishment wouldn't hurt. Really depends on how old your daughter is on how you handle this. Make sure he is aware of your no trespassing policy with regards to putting his hands on her.

Go with your gut feeling......I didn't like my daughters boyfriend the 1st time I saw him and I was right....a parents worst nightmare.....almost went to prison over that boy.....Sounds like your OK compared to my situation. The guy she married is tops in my book so it worked out finally.

Also remember to mention the older you get a life sentence becomes less of a deterrent haha

Start now. Get to know him, if there's things you don't like or that he doesn't know or understand, mentor him into the kind of man you want for your daughter. Of she loves him, there's likely nothing you can do to make her feel any different.

He's only talking money so can save enough to UPGRADE to a Toyota! My daughter just turned 11 so I know I'll face the music someday as well. I can only hope that he is better than I was in those days. Good luck!

the ford thing is a non issue , they can be serviceable vehicles it could be much worse he could have some sort of Dodge addiction.


money is something that should probably get talked about , it may stick it may not.

invite him over for a project , projects are great ways to see how a person works and work ethic is important it translates into effort in so many things and effort in being a good partner to your daughter is important.

depending on the project or a ride along trapping you should be able to steer a conversation towards fiduciary responsibility.

He is a avid hunter, not trapping yet but has spent time in the fur shed with me.





She has waited for someone like him to come along for quite sometime. She has not been in a serious relationship before mainly because she has set the bar pretty high. She went on a couple dates when she was in high school but that’s about it. She is now 23yrs old. She handles herself very well.

The job thing worries me a bit. He works for his dad in a family business, that he apparently will be taking over when his dad retires. From what I’ve seen, he isn’t afraid of hard work, that’s a plus.

The only thing I don’t like is the “keeping up with the Jones” talk.

I raised 4

3 daughters and a Son.


The Girls couldn't be counseled ( even by their Mom , my Wife tried twice) . The Girls marry whom they will. After the divorce of one she became even more unwilling to listen to advice.

Run off the one you perceive as bad and you Could end up with worse.

This can be fixed slowly by hidden counseling. Like when he sees something he "wants" compared to what he "needs". Hopefully you can tell him "yes, I know those folks, they work 2 jobs to have all those material things, so they hardly ever have the chance to play with their toys."
Or
"yes, I know them and know their house is paid off, and kids have a college fund, and his 401k is rolling, etc.

Our SIL took the Wants--Needs talks well........

Wants come AFTER a house is purchased
AFTER a 401k is set up
AFTER all vehicles are paid off

"the one who dies with the most toys, wins" is a phrase for boneheads who end up NOT providing well for their families.....
.....like my buddys SIL ....stupidly got $8k tax return (W-2 needs adjusted) then blew it and now cannot afford a lawn mower.

to answer,,,,,,start the talks now
you can be subtle and discreet somewhat too...not bossy or forceful.

Don't forget to have him take a test for STD's like we made our SIL. THAT alone will test his character.
We also insisted to see a Dr report from a physical.
So we then said, "this hi blood pressure thing needs worked on, the LAST thing we want for our daughter is for you to stroke out after a short marriage."
ALL THIS before I gave him the green light to propose.
He got on board and has been for all 4 yrs of their marriage.

I used to just explain to my daughter's boyfriends that they better treat them right. Because if they didn't, I had a gun, a shovel, and 450 acres to hide the body on.

Wow!

Are you horse and buggy people?

Keep your nose out of It.

Daughters, lol. Just look in her eyes, if you see happiness, let all go. If she knows your there 24/7 then all is right with the world. The best advise I have ever gotten is don't ever offer advise to a Lady who didn't ask for your advise.

If you raised her right she will do what is best for her. Stay out of it.

This ^^^ is where I’m at. I have talked to her about the relationship and her words confirm what is written on her face.

I think I’ll wait and play it by ear when the time comes.

I appreciate everybody taking a few minutes to read and post your thoughts on this matter.

Get to know him better but don’t carry it to the extreme, at least not at this point. Trap shed projects were you can talk “guy talk” are good. Talk general stuff. Don’t get too personal.

If you push too hard, too fast - and if she really loves him - you could end up driving her away from you.

Note - the above comments are a daughters view point, not an overly protective father.

That's classy Hobbie!

Internet history on phone and text messages. You will know what he is into good or bad. If he refuses he’s gone.

good luck

If my father in law would have told me to have a physical and present the report to him prior to obtaining his blessing I probably would have laughed and walked right to his daughter and proposed.

Just remember, if you happen to push to hard with questions you could push him away.
And if your daughters heart is set on him, you will also push her away.
I learned that with my youngest daughter. She doesn't talk to me anymore.
Remember, Love is the greatest force on this earth
The world will move for LOVE

The Beav is right on-leave them alone.
You know your daughter-if you raised her right she will make responsible choices.
The guy talking about money and keeping up with the joneses is his way of indicating to you that providing for your daughter is important to him.

I told ALL of my daughter's boyfriends that if they ever hurt her they would be repaid TEN fold. I too have a gun and shovel and a lot of places to hid a body.

x2. Tough talkers with your guns and threats, watch how fast you push your daughter into a dirt bag's arms.

A big pair of castors hanging on a nail works good.

I have this big grinder on a trailer, it is mobile I show this to them and discribe what it can do!

Scott!

Could be worse Hobbie Trapper
I read about a daughter bringing home a seminary student she was planning to marry.
The father took the future preacher son in law into another room to have the talk.
After they had left his wife asked him what he thought of the future family member.
The father replied, he thinks I'm God.
Wife asked why's that.
He said no matter what I asked about him taking care of our daughter such as food, housing, grandkids and vehicles; his answer was God will provide.

Also, let him know the real reason you keep hogs is to get rid of the bodies!
Dennis

My daughter will be 16 in October, I trust to make right decisions. She knows I will hurt anyone that doesn’t respect her . Boys beware !!

I would be talking to your daughter, she is making the decision and all you can do is steer her right. You did not mention her age but In my experience until she is about mid 30s she is making the decision with her heart and not her head. Talk to her and give her good advice and maybe she will use some of it, or not. Most like us have to learn from experience.

As far as the whole driving a Ford thing, it's okay, just make sure he uses AC Delco parts on it whenever possible

I have a few college buddies who were their families' "Heir to the Family Business". One knew the family name was on the sign, and planned to work as hard as he could to honor his father and grandfather. One worked hard and cared about the business, but lacked the smarts to run it correctly and wisely sold out. The third knew he had a lifelong paycheck and used it as an excuse to behave however he wanted - although I did hear than by his mid-thirties reality had slapped him in the face and he'd matured a bit.

I know it's difficult to put that in context on an internet forum, but I'd want to learn what he expects of his business when it becomes "his". (And as a father of 7 and 11 year old girls, this post hits home.)

The fact that she's 23 and just now getting to this point tell me you raised her right.

Yep. I have two daughters. If you try to scare / interrogate him you could wind up alienating your daughter from you. She might side with him no matter what, even if he is an idiot. Let it play itself out and try to guide her without being pushy.

Casually mention to him you go on an internet forum where every 3rd post is about a pig castrator..........

I do not have kids but I do feel I have something to add to this thread, something I am not real happy to talk about.

Whatever you have to say to your daughters boyfriends/fiance do it before the wedding. I got along fine with my future father in law up until my wedding day, on my wedding day he made some comments towards me that were not exactly a welcome to the family. After the wedding my wifes parents did all they could to poison the relationship between my wife and I. I really did my best to provide and care for my wife but I feel like years of her parents telling her "you can do better" and constant disapproval finally got to her head, after spending 100k on treatment for her for alcohol and eating issues she decided this spring was a good time to clean out our bank accounts and leave. I'll never forget at our wedding one of my wifes good friends came up to me and quietly said "get her away from her parents", I should have taken that advice to heart.

I would recommend taking from this the following lessons
1- If you have something to say get it out well in advance of any wedding
2- Realize psychological issues are genetic, I should of seen this coming by the way my wifes grandma, mother and aunts acted.
3- Once married offer your full support to the relationship.

Water board him. Get all his secrets

Sounds like he wants to impress you and that aint a bad thing. As others have said pivot the conversation to show him what's really important.

I like this



But....just in case...its good to let interested men know that you kill for money and regularly dispose of carcasses.

lol

Interesting thread being as I have 4 girls from a 17yo down to almost 10.

Only had 2 boys ask for dates so far; visited with them both a little before they went out. Both "good kids", one of them the son of some of our best friends. Told them where I was coming from, didn't threaten them at all or any way, but made it clear that they needed to look out for my daughters' well being. Told them two things to think about: Treat other people like you want to be treated, and that if you play stupid games you got to expect to win stupid prizes. Make good decisions.

I have told the girls that I would visit with their dates, especially the first times that they go out. I have told them and I hope that they realize its because it matters to me that they are looked after and that is because I care about their well being as well as the well being of the guy they are with. I figure if the guy doesn't have enough spine to visit with me a little bit it is likely he doesn't have enough spine to look after my girl if somehow they wind up in a bad or dangerous situation.


It'll be interesting to see things play out over time. My girls all have different personalities, but similar interests, so I not sure what to expect as to what guys they will bring around. I have asked them to not bring any boys, try to pick out those that have some maturity and mental stability regardless of if they are 14 or 34.

I do look forward to having some SIL's, not much gun, cowboy, or other such man talk at my house.

Make sure they know how to skin a beaver before they take your daughter out.

He is probably a good kid but will not be any help to you down the road if you need help in the shop. Chances are his dad drives a ford to and he has never had to learn how to work on a vehicle.

My son and I just had this very conversation about a week ago . My grandson just bought his first truck and they didn’t make it home with his 99 Chevy truck before the rear end went out. The two of them had a blast working together fixing this old truck. He and I both driving Ford’s just never got to do any of those things. Heck maybe you two will be great buds while you teach him how to work on your stuff !

lol

I doubt it, the Toyota and Honda both have proven themselves bullet proof. lol

If you are on trapper man asking advice for dating our daughters your probably looking in the wrong place! LOL

I read all the comments, some of them were true!, lol

In my experience with my daughter, you can't question, cajole or threaten a young lady about their relationships, doing so will encourage her to stay longer in a bad relationship to prove you wrong, and sometimes they make bad choices and pay for it later, what's the current divorce rate?

My son on the other hand is a good kid, good job and is looking for a relationship and a family. So far he's had girlfriends that were certifiably insane, bat turd crazy, pathological liars, possibly a serial killer, and a red head...
He's gotten good at the initial interview stage and unloads them fast now. lol.

About women, Wise man say,... even the good ones short circuit eventually!

Wish I had some sage advice to give. But I don't. Both of my sons-in-law are fine young men. They aren't perfect but they were good enough to take both of my daughters off of my hands. Those girls are their problems now. But so far I have a beautiful granddaughter, that's pretty cool.

I could say I got lucky, but I guess it sounds better if I say my daughters chose good men... Yeah that's it.

I'm not sure my boys will ever get married... The youngest is so awkward around girls and the oldest seems to have been born for the hangman.

Mike

Well we have no kids of our own and I always tell them at church if you want to know how to handle kids just ask someone who has none.

But I liked it when "ole" Tim would always clean his guns when Evie had a boy over on "Last Man Standing".

His concern with money and things is typical of most young people today, the big question is does he expect someone to hand him the money and things or is he a worker? As far as driving a Ford, depends on which one it is, if it is a 250 or better and not modified to the point of being useless it shows that he is planning on working that truck and doesn't want to wring axles and blow torque converters and transmission seals.

In all seriousness if your daughter is 23, I assume he is about the same age, he is not a kid, he is a man. Now whether he acts like one is another story, but talk to him man to man. Treat him like a man and he is more likely to act like a man, treat him as a boy and he will act accordingly in a lot of cases. Look at what you perceive his potential is not necessarily what he is now. As has been said talk to him sooner rather than later and certainly not at or after the wedding. Also talk to your daughter about what their perceived plans are as far as long term if the relationship is that far along.