Daughters attitudes

For the parents on here how did you handle the little attitude that comes with hormones increasing in your daughter(s)?

I'm at a loss.

Hug 'em
Hug 'em again
The opposite gender is formative in these years adam

Depends on the kid and the situation. But you do it quickly, fairly and solidly so they know what will happen if they try it again. One of mine I can still look at cross eyed and she’ll crumble, another could be a CIA interrogators nightmare. Just be constant/consistent with her/them.



Owl

Also be understanding, even if you don’t understand, cause you won’t.



Owl

Thank you Jesus for all boys!!! My hats off to you men with daughters...may God truly give you peace and understanding.

Let her mom do it.

I had 3 teenage girls and a teen son .at one time! For 3 months before my son Aged a bit.

Be firm ....pray. Each kid is different. I never realized when I sent my eldest daughter to her room as punishment that it was her Favorite place. But the other kids viewed it as horrible treatment.

So .pray for them and try not to blow up.

They will age and come around!

Mark, thanks. That's why I'm struggling badly. I'm trying my best but boy she's breaking me.

Yup praying like crazy. Trying not to blow up but there are times I have.

Bow hunter, 6th grade

I yi yi..... I have a 4 year old that already has an attitude!! I don't want a preteen/teenage

I did everything to will her a boy lol. God said I don't think so scooter!

The problem is that you're trying to apply logic. When hormones strike, they aren't logical. Hormones cause emotions that don't make sense. Her brain is trying to figure out the emotions as much as you are and it applies crazy logic to make sense of it. Remember that the emotions come first and the argument/logic/excuse is just her brain trying to justify the emotions.

Example: She feels like she hates everyone today even though everyone has been very nice to her. That's crazy and her brain can't make sense of it. So...her brain comes up with a reason that explains the emotion that doesn't make sense. Her brain decides that you didn't like her choice of lipstick yesterday and that must be why she hates you today. So, she yells at you about you being mean to her yesterday about her lipstick - and adds in a bunch of other stuff that you never said for good measure.

Just remember that she can't help it. She is a victim of her emotions as much as you are. For some reason, God makes them crazy from 13-15. There really isn't anything you can do to fix it. She will feel more normal in a few days.

Every kid is different. Mine was extra crazy. If it's really bad, wait until she's having a good day and have her mother talk to her about seeing a doctor. The pill evens out the highs and lows.

I have a 23 and a 21-year-old. Some tough times, but mostly good. My philosophy was if they got crazy hormonal, I took them trapping, hunting, and fishing. Always seemed to calm down even the worst situation. My youngest started getting crazy at 10. She is 21 and still a bit high strung, also she can out shoot me with both bow and pistol, so I better be nice. Both received full scholarships for all 4 years of college playing softball.

The analogy used often (rather than Venus and Mars) is males speak and hear in "blue" and females speak and hear in "pink." Big variance to be sure. How so?
Simplistic answer is;
Males work stuff out at an early age (boyhood) learning that face to face (blue) encounters are usually battles and we learn to avoid face to face. We are shoulders next to shoulders persons most often and females can't figure this blue action out. Sit on the couch next to each other. Go hunting walking side by side. Blue loves all this. To females it looks like nobody loves anybody or someone isn't paying attention in this stance! Often pink may even say blue, as two blues are "hanging out,".... "You guys getting along?" We say huh? Never better.

Why does pink ask that?
Because females bond/interact/fight/love face to face! Something blue learned early not to do because you might get a nose bleed!

So your daughter would prefer a face to face encounter/battle/whatever BUT all she wants to do is for her pink to see another pink or blue to take her seriously in the moment; AND be heard. Face to face. No judgement/yelling/confrontation from the blue (at this moment). The moment may not be sensible, but that is irrelevant to pink.

I have three daughters. When pink would flare (often during adolescence) I would invite them to sit down and while blue is too often angry when we are face to face (we mean biz in this stance... remember we like shoulder to shoulder) I would firmly but sincerely invite them to speak; My blue is listening to your pink.... looking squarely at them. Face to face. No phones allowed.

All the girls still remember those words. We used them often in our house!

Blessings!
Mark

you ain't seen nothin' yet. When she hits 13, it's like flipping on the brat switch. I swear to God it is!
We had all boys.

Best I can say is I know where you are coming from;my daughters are 17,15,12 and 10. I know I haven't seen it all..........yet. They are all different Hang in there and hang with her.

I wanted to get my girls out and about and don't have many hunting buddies, so I raised some. All 4 of them took their first white tail buck at age 8 on spot and stalk hunts. We work cattle together, (which is a high tension endeavor for us if I let it be, its on me) go to lots of ball games, church functions, and whatever we can together. Seems like the more we do together the less the hormone deal flairs up for us. I have a better feel for the mood they are in and can prepare for it or maybe make a 'dad joke' or two and lighten things up. Sometimes, though, they get told to just knock it off and get over it.

I'm sure not right all of the time, but they know I care and that seems to make a big difference.

Oh boy! Mine is 14 going on 29 and knows everything! I've popped a cork a few times. She gets overwhelmed with emotion but hides it very well. When she acts on it, it makes no sense whatsoever. Ive learned to be patient, and the truth reveals itself. I've learned to listen and speak to her calmly and respectfully, even when she's a mess, and I insist she speak to my wife and me respectfully. She seems to be learning that lesson, not perfectly, but much improvement over the last 2 years. FWIW, she's crazy about hunting and fishing, a black belt in martial arts, and a great cook. An amazing young woman!

I highlighted the part of your post - the unconditional love and devoted time that our daughters truly desire

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do. Sometimes the attitude comes much later in life. My daughter got married, got weird, and hasn’t spoken to us in over ten years. I’ve got two grandchildren I’ve never met and they only live 30 minutes away.

If you live in a two story house, move to the other floor. My wife and teenage daughter had a “crisis of the day”. It might go away in a few years.

I am a firm believer that anyone that raised daughters gets a free pass through the pearly gates. I am also a firm believer in I now know why lions eat their young after raising daughters. I raised 3....one is a fly off the handle and pick the pieces up later type ( her mothers genes) crewchief in Air Force on refuelers, punches harder than most guys. #2 is a keep it inside but your not stepping on her. # 3 is a combo of both with some strong Republican leanings and an emotional wreck all in one.

On a side note*sarcasm here* the Chinese were way ahead of their time when the got rid of their baby girls....it's not that they aren't useful on the farm or wherever. It's because they didn't want to put up with these emotional basket cases from 10yo to 19yo.

Adam, are you looking for advise for the wife, kids, grand kids or great grand babies? I have no answer for you, haven't figured it out yet. (but i do have a tip for you.... no matter what they say your reply should be "you're right")

After all your posts about your wife over the years.... I'd say you're in for a long ride with your daughter. She had a good education on how to pull your strings.

Good luck.

Pete

I concur with Pete, you and your wife have to be on the same wavelength, otherwise to quote the Italians, fogetaboutit.

What kind of attitude are we talking about? Sixth grade isn’t that bad.

i know where you guys are coming from , raised two daughter , now you would think that they came from to different home , lol

Not knowing any history it’s hard to give proper counsel.

If you are looking for something that will stick.....”Don’t disappoint Jesus and you won’t disappoint me, He can be with you all the time, I can’t.”

We had 3 all close together. When they were little we thought the boys were hellions and the oldest, our daughter, an angel. By teens her head was spinning on her neck and she was spitting pea soup. But, like my dad always said, it'll all work out in the end and it did. She's now a fourth year high end university Dean's list scholar and a rock star.

The number one piece of advice I could offer is you must be 100% supportive, consistent and united with your spouse. You're doomed if there's other forces at play. If you disagree on an issue, disagree and work it out behind closed doors.

I gave mine a heads up when she was 10 that being a teenager is one of the hardest and most confusing parts of her life and they go by slow while going by fast. I told her that its going to suck and she's going to have also sorts of idiotic feelings and emotions so get your head right for them. Since then I would remind her here and there of that. She's in 7th grade and is usually a complete doll with me. Her and her mother...its a bit more of a struggle. I really believe giving her a heads up has really paid off.

I thought boys and girls are the same, so just treat them the same. That’s what most colleges teach so it has to be right. Lol

Hats off to all you guys raising girls. I’m still trying to figure out the one that blessed me with 4 boys. Good luck

Stops at 19? Heck I know plenty in their 40's that are still basket cases.

My daughter will turn 50 in a couple of years, Head nurse at our local hospital. Has her head on straight. I still say , she is my little girl. Proud dad. old243

Nice! Congrats.

I coached a girls soft ball team from minor league up to ASA, I remember the season when they was 13. Then season they turned 14 and 15 I remember saying to my wife what the heck happened LOL. My daughters when they hit around the 14 to 16, for one and 14 to 19 for the other was, well rough on them and dad. But as was said hugs and firmness, and many times real firm hugs helped things. the firmness was neededfor direction, but the hugs showed the love. It was not a easy time, but they got through it. and now they are daddys girls again even though they are in their late 30's with kids them self. Also what was already stated husban and wife must be on the same lines, working together not against, and I know many will not want to hear this, but GOD being a real part of our lives was the anchor.

Get a time machine. My daughters were impossible from like 12-19. From then on , My best friends. Wait it out, you will be a better man and the rewards will pay for ever.

These years are the start of self-independence and the start of more decision making. For children of both genders, what do they use as their template for "how do I do this?"
Parents? Family? Friends? Society?

It's complicated to boys and girls, and we call it "hormones" when it may be a completely different category of going-ons.
The good news may be that there are ups and downs, self-independence to be structured, and decisions to be figured out, and a two parent home, if at all harmonious, is better equipped to walk the walk with any child than what many children face - pure hardship.

It's part of the blessed maturing from young to old.
Hug your daughter, discipline her with affection, and be so very thankful that the didn't stay a 9 year old for the rest of her life.
That does happen.

It's like the parents of a child with a debilitating mental disease that leaves their 1 year old baby a mental baby for the rest of his/her life.
These parents would give all they own, would call it a blessing from God - if only their child could experience what other parents bemoan and call the "terrible 2's."
It's all perspective.


Smile that your daughter is healthy and the struggles of life carry on adam

Blessings,
Mark

If you need advice about kids ask us that don't have any, lol. Just indoctrinate your self with all the reruns of "Last Mam Standing" and you will be ok.

mine are 15 and 18 , you are getting good advice here , you just kinda have to love them through it and not get soured by their attitude.

also when you can talk through good and bad life decisions using others as examples for not so good things to do.

I have a cousin in TN a collection of bad life decisions , her oldest daughter and mine are maybe 2 months different in age , 3 years ago now her oldest ran away eventually came home , but just explaining to my girls the huge risk factors , involved in both the lifestyle my cousin leads , for her girls and the massive too huge to describe risk factors of a 15 year old run away. it basically takes the perfect roll of the dice to not get hurt or worse.

some other things to work in as life lessons

-there is no free lunch .

-if something is free your the product on the lighter side Gmail, google search , you tube , face book , even trapperman in the very lightest way , in these things you are being marketed to advertisements placed in-front of you every time you use the platform. think about how your the product and are you ok with that.

- managing risk , risk vs reward understanding what the risk factors are.



my youngest daughter wow she was all exited about doing most everything with me when she was young she went to gun shows and you should have seen her so proud carrying around her first 22 at the gun show when was maybe 10 a couple years later she wants nothing to do with her gun other than no one else is allowed to touch it either just sits in the safe.

I can be cool or cool-ish or not embarrassing at times , but they are short , then ugg dad

best I can tell you have to ride it out and keep helping them with everything , let them know when they are displaying the big Attitude and when it is getting them in trouble and why. but be reasonable and keep loving them.

Wow thank you all I appreciate it. The support and advice is much needed. I felt like I was doing something wrong and losing my mind. We ended the night with lots of hugs and laughter.

I am still trying to process all the advice but I think it boils down to a few things. Unconditional love, patience (which is hard a lot of the times), affirmation, communication (best when "dust settles"), firmness. I am still going through all of this and I greatly appreciate it.

Days like yesterday when I can barely function due to fibro issues the last thing I need is a bad "hormonal" attitude and all that comes with it.

Newhouse, man that sucks. I am sorry to hear that. I pray that restoration occurs sooner rather than later.

I used tough love on mine and although it wasnt popular at the time she thanks me now for it.

Thanks Mark, we’ve got a granddaughter turning 13 next month and she stays with us a lot. I’ve unknowingly stumbled onto the edge of your advice and now it makes more sense.

adam m,
For whatever reason, I struggle with the “listening/de-escalation” thing so sometimes I just have to not do or say anything other than listen. If I open my mouth during this time the situation will south real quick, lol. Prayer sure helps me keep this in check and my mouth shut though. Fun times for sure

I think I said this on here before. Just remember you are as dumb as you are going to get when your daughters are teenagers. Hang on, it will get better.

Put a shock collar on em LOL I don't know, but good luck to you.
Dennis

My daughter turned 13 in April. So far not any problems. I am hoping it continues to be this good but have my doubts. I am hoping that me not letting her have a phone or any kind of social media will help. I am real hard on her but we spend every hour that she is around together. We go put out deer Camaras, change the oil on the car and truck, shoot bows, go for wheeler rides, go fishing, anything to keep her busy. The i give her more chores then she can keep up with so she doesn't have time to act up. If she did she is afraid of how bad the whooping will be. She told me that she doesn't want to disappoint me because I am the only dad she will ever have and she knows my whooping will hurt. She is a way better kid then I was for sure. I am truly blessed.

From the wise words of a friend of mine, pertaining to women in general.."even the good ones short circuit now and then"

It's all pretty much been said, just remember they are individuals and one size don't fit all,
And they get better when they hit 30,.

Take her cell phone away.
Will be amazed at how fast her attitude will change

When my oldest daughter was home from Virginia this summer, she left me this. She has a 22 year old daughter and a 16 year-old son.



My middle child (daughter) she was the one who kept you up and watching closely. She has an 18 year old daughter starting college.

Then my son was very much into adventure. Climbing 500 foot towers with no safety strap. He did tell me later he only went up about 150 feet.
He has 2 boys 13 & 9.

I guess we (wife and I) did mostly the right things.

bnb I take it away often. She is now really hating life that she can't go outside to play

seniortrap, that is a great present for sure. So true. I thought I knew what love was until I saw my daughter and then each of my sons.

Mark thanks I gotta start handling this in a different approach and I gotta remember that we are wired completely different than girls/women.

gcs that is great. Thanks

Yup I gotta be slow to speak and quick to listen.

Thank you all I appreciate it.

I've got all daughters, and am somehow mostly still sane.
It helps to realize right off the bat you're not going to understand, so don't even try. Just be patient and let them know you're there if needed.