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church bulletins

Posted By: jk

church bulletins - 07/21/21 10:59 PM

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman)?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up:

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Posted By: BigBob

Re: church bulletins - 07/21/21 11:03 PM

That's funny!
Posted By: Turtledale

Re: church bulletins - 07/21/21 11:12 PM

laugh
Posted By: run

Re: church bulletins - 07/21/21 11:13 PM

Wow, that is loaded.
Posted By: robert.d12

Re: church bulletins - 07/21/21 11:22 PM

laugh

One of my favorites during announcements at my church was 典he venison donation will begin this week for those a little short on dough.
Posted By: Nittany Lion

Re: church bulletins - 07/21/21 11:46 PM

Good stuff.
Posted By: grisseldog

Re: church bulletins - 07/22/21 04:57 AM

Good ones
Posted By: Providence Farm

Re: church bulletins - 07/22/21 06:34 AM

I interrupted my partner at works nap on brake laughing. I enjoyed reading that.
Posted By: Trapper7

Re: church bulletins - 07/22/21 06:51 PM

I always liked this one: "Ushers will eat all late comers."
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