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Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad

Posted By: Landon

Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 02:34 PM

My mom passed away unexpectedly at 60 years old a couple months ago. She left to my brother and I 50/50 on her life insurance and pension. There was none left to our step dad. The amounts are not huge but I am trying to wrap my head around how we should split it with my step dad since the household bills were paid with both of their incomes. However, I feel our mom would have wanted us to benefit from it as well. I also don’t really want him to have to take us into account on his will in the event he remarries. Anyone have any experience in dealing with this situation? I don’t want to be greedy and offend him and want him to feel taken care of.
Posted By: AJE

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 02:38 PM

I've always thought such scenarios are extremely challenging to sort out.

Hopefully you get some good advice.

I've seen it tear people apart but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

It sounds really complicated.

Good luck.
Posted By: Bigfoot

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 02:40 PM

Did you ask him what he wants or thinks he might need
Posted By: Landon

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 02:50 PM

We have talked a bit about it and he is generally happy go lucky. I get the feeling he will not say what he needs or wants for fear of offending us. He has just been acting appreciative of any of it.
Posted By: yotetrapper30

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 03:24 PM

Could you take the total, and divide it by 3. The you and your bro each chip in enough to equal that third? For example, say there was 300k. You and your brother both got 150k. If each of you gave 50k then everyone would have 100k. Unless you think that's too much?
Posted By: Diggerman

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 03:39 PM

Your moms wishes are just that. She gave you that money, big or small, her wishes were for you to have it. She put your names on the policy for a reason. After that, if you feel the need to share YOUR money with your step father, go for it.
Posted By: HobbieTrapper

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 03:44 PM

Did they love each other and did he bring joy to her life?
Posted By: Flipper 56

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 03:55 PM

Does he get the house? She left it to you and maybe she felt like everything else was enough for him but wanted to help her kids with money.
Posted By: Flicker Shad

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by Diggerman
Your moms wishes are just that. She gave you that money, big or small, her wishes were for you to have it. She put your names on the policy for a reason. After that, if you feel the need to share YOUR money with your step father, go for it.

I agree.
Posted By: Jurassic Park

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 04:18 PM

That’s a tough one. I guess it would depend on how long was he your step Dad for.

Did he help raise you and your brother from young? Did he recently marry your Mom and you and your brother were grown and moved out?
Posted By: maintenanceguy

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 04:34 PM

Originally Posted by Diggerman
Your moms wishes are just that. She gave you that money, big or small, her wishes were for you to have it. She put your names on the policy for a reason. After that, if you feel the need to share YOUR money with your step father, go for it.


Just what I was going to say. I think it's good of you that you want to look out for someone else. I have no idea how much help is appropriate but I wish there were more people who looked out for others instead of just themselves.
Posted By: Bob

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 04:55 PM

You really have no legal or moral obligation to give him anything, your mother left it to you, but if you feel it’s the right thing to do, and you want to do it then you certainly should. Be careful how you go about it though, since he didn’t inherit it via her will then in legal terms it’s a gift from you and if you gift him over $16,000 you will be hit with an astronomical gift tax on anything above the $16,000. You, not him. The tax can be anywhere from 18% up to 40% depending on how much is gifted. If you want to give him more than $16k, consult a tax professional first and they’ll help you go about it the right way.
Posted By: fossil2

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 05:12 PM

you need to find out if he has his own will. many times in a re-marriage like that, each wills their assets to their own family members, and splits their living expenses day to day. did he or she own their home, is another big question. your line of thinking is very generous of you, but you need all the facts first. does your bro want to give away some of his money, or is it just you thats thinking of sharing your inheritance? are you close, and will you remain in contact with the step dad after your moms passing? hope you can work this out in such a way thats its satisfying for everyone involved.
Posted By: Landon

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by yotetrapper30
Could you take the total, and divide it by 3. The you and your bro each chip in enough to equal that third? For example, say there was 300k. You and your brother both got 150k. If each of you gave 50k then everyone would have 100k. Unless you think that's too much?


That is what my brother and I have discussed doing.
Posted By: Landon

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by HobbieTrapper
Did they love each other and did he bring joy to her life?


Very much. They’ve been together for 10-12 years and married for about 5. Most joyful I’ve seen her in a long time.

Originally Posted by Bob
You really have no legal or moral obligation to give him anything, your mother left it to you, but if you feel it’s the right thing to do, and you want to do it then you certainly should. Be careful how you go about it though, since he didn’t inherit it via her will then in legal terms it’s a gift from you and if you gift him over $16,000 you will be hit with an astronomical gift tax on anything above the $16,000. You, not him. The tax can be anywhere from 18% up to 40% depending on how much is gifted. If you want to give him more than $16k, consult a tax professional first and they’ll help you go about it the right way.


I have looked into this. From what I understand there is a lifetime gift amount. I would need to understand more about how this works but may apply it to that.

Originally Posted by fossil2
you need to find out if he has his own will. many times in a re-marriage like that, each wills their assets to their own family members, and splits their living expenses day to day. did he or she own their home, is another big question. your line of thinking is very generous of you, but you need all the facts first. does your bro want to give away some of his money, or is it just you thats thinking of sharing your inheritance? are you close, and will you remain in contact with the step dad after your moms passing? hope you can work this out in such a way thats its satisfying for everyone involved.


We will stay in contact. We really enjoy spending time with him and am looking forward to going fishing on Lake Erie with him this summer.
Posted By: yotetrapper30

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 05:55 PM

Originally Posted by Landon
Originally Posted by yotetrapper30
Could you take the total, and divide it by 3. The you and your bro each chip in enough to equal that third? For example, say there was 300k. You and your brother both got 150k. If each of you gave 50k then everyone would have 100k. Unless you think that's too much?


That is what my brother and I have discussed doing.


I agree with everyone saying you don't have to give him anything, but my reply was because it sounded like you wanted to. My mom remarried after I was grown, and her new husband has been like a second father to me and is a close part of the family. While my mom has no money to leave behind, he will very much continue to be a close part of the family if she passes away first. Knowing you don't need to give him anything, it'll really just need to be up to you and your brother to decide together what to give him.
Posted By: fossil2

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 05:58 PM

landon,,sounds like he was a real blessing to your mom. glad you have that kind of a relationship with him. hope you can find a solution that satisfies you all. and sorry for the loss of your mom. hard to lose a parent when theyre that young.
Posted By: bblwi

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 06:18 PM

Some questions and thoughts
How long were your mom and your step dad married?
Whose house were they living in, his our hers and was it now owned jointly or in the name of one person?

Those may be factors in your decision
As stated your mom wanted you to have the monies, you and your siblings may want to address some of the issues you raised. That is your choice
There is no mention of size of the inheritance so we don't know those details.
As to gift tax It is $16K annually for this year. You can gift a person that amount or less every year and never have to even report it, let alone pay tax on it.
So if the amount you would choose to gift to your step dad exceeded the annual exclusion you could work out an agreement with him, by you and your siblings inheriting the lumps sum as you have not tax and gift to your step dad less then 16 K per year until you have completed what you chose to gift.

Bryce
Posted By: 330-Trapper

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 06:24 PM

Originally Posted by Bob
You really have no legal or moral obligation to give him anything, your mother left it to you, but if you feel it’s the right thing to do, and you want to do it then you certainly should. Be careful how you go about it though, since he didn’t inherit it via her will then in legal terms it’s a gift from you and if you gift him over $16,000 you will be hit with an astronomical gift tax on anything above the $16,000. You, not him. The tax can be anywhere from 18% up to 40% depending on how much is gifted. If you want to give him more than $16k, consult a tax professional first and they’ll help you go about it the right way.

This
Posted By: west river rogue

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 07:04 PM

Good thoughts Landon
Posted By: Boco

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 04/30/22 11:34 PM

What Diggerman posted is spot on.
Honor your Mothers wishes.
Posted By: KeithC

Re: Splitting Mom’s inheritance with step dad - 05/01/22 12:42 AM

You might want to look into giving your stepdad a lifetime lease on the house and some of the property within. If done correctly, a lifetime lease can avoid most or even all of the tax burden, that would come if you gave the property as a gift. On your stepfather's death, under a lifetime lease, the property would revert to you and your brother, or your heirs, if you're not around.

Keith
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