Saw my Mom yesterday

My Wife and I drove to Eau Claire yesterday to visit with My Mother.
...she's 80 and has dimensia

She didn't know Us ...thought she did but not really. Painful

Mom was the Freedom in our Childhood...she grew up in the Wisconsin woods running wild just outside if Fiefield.

...she promoted me as a kid in Any type of out of the box Adventure.

Three years ago I had a Coyote in a MB650 near our cows. I went back to the House where Mom was visiting and she said. Let's go kill it. She got some spare boots of mine on and jumped on the 4 wheeler with me. She took several pictures before I dispatched it.
She Always was Game for anything outdoors.

She sounds like a great lady 330. Dementia is a terrible thing to deal with. God bless

I hope in her mind she's running the banks of the South Fork of the Flambeau River on a beautiful sunny day and proud of the son she raised.

Keep those memories front in your head. Dementia/alzheimers is a slo way to go. Especially for the family.

Very sorry for the pain you are in. Take your mom her favorite food if they will let you.

Dementia is tough to watch progress. My sweet grandmother didn't know me and got scared when I walked into her room, then she saw my son that was a baby in my arms and relaxed. She could barely talk probably the drugs they doped her up on. She became very mean and aggressive at times with my young cousin she was about 12. Grabbed her and shook her as well as her weak detected body could and said I'm going to kill you.

Some drama with my aunt that was in charge keep me from going to see her when she grandma into into her house ( at least untill they got the renovations were done to my aunts home, once that was done and paid for out of grandma's money they moved her into a nursing home) and the nursing home she ended up in keep sending her off to another one in Indy to get her drugged up so when I went for visits she was seldom there.

My last time I got to see her she again looked scared when I entered her room. I called her Grammy and told her I'm Matthew Ryan as all on that side of the family call me to differentiate between my father and I. She relaxed a bit, then I noticed her drooling, she had on patterned socks and I complimented her socks. She barely got out a thanks. That's the last thing one of the greatest women that ever graced this planet with ther presence said to me. I just realized how much resentment I still hold for my aunt. I need to work on getting rid of that.

It's hard. To watch when loved ones deteriorate. I always figured she was living somewhere in the past replaying the good of her kids and grand kids memories in her mind . I think I got that thought from when my grandfather was dieing from cancer and he would talk to me and the family like it was decades ago.

Great write up on your Mom. My father in law is a few years into dementia. It's very sad watching such a good man, who was one of the hardest working men I have ever known, waste away.

Sorry you are having to deal with this, 330. I don't think there is anything tougher in life than having to watch loved ones suffer.

Sorry you're going through this, a old friend of mine's wife was going through it and he went to see her everyday and the nurse told him he wouldn't have to come everyday and she wouldn't even know but he told well, I would...good days and bad days, very painful, again so sorry

Count your blessing for the great times you had with her. There are not many like her left, you were one of the lucky ones.

Dam that disease. My best to you 330.

Osky

I'm sure those memories will always bring a smile to you face. Sounds like a great mom!

My Mom, at the Cabin in the 80's


My Mom & I Yesterday

Thank You All for the kind words and encouragement.
Much appreciated

I went through the same with my mom Scott. Tough to deal with. She didn't know who I was and even if I showed her my photo ID she couldn't make the connection.

But I did get her to laugh a few times which surprised her nurses.

I finally came to the idea that she was not nearly as distressed at her life as I was. She was living her life from 50 years earlier and quite content in her head. The difficult part for us is to stop trying to pull them back to the present.

For them, the present is where they are already.

That's it. My mom passed with it as well.

Thanks White!

Same thought here too, Scott.

I have found too, that going with their thoughts , yet still being able to guide them in any present task they need to do, or help in doing, is the happiest for them, and me.

One lady , who used to show Saddlebreds long ago, all she wanted to do was talk of getting her saddle and going riding with me. She hadn't ridden in 30 years. She spoke of it as though it was yesterday. I told her we would go riding soon, and we spoke of the fun she had showing.

When I would have to leave, she would just be beaming happy. Sometimes she recalled me. Other times the staff would tell me how she mentioned a nice lady she met who wanted to ride with her .

Heartbreaking. Though, having them as happy in the past as possible, is far better than the opposite, if there is no choice.

Man, I can't even imagine going through something like that. Very sad. Glad you got to spend some time with her though! Love the coyote story!

Makes a lot of sense Sharon

Thanks Nostalgia

I'm glad to see a picture of you and your mom. My mother has Alzheimer's and on and off battles with dementia. At first it made me cry like I haven't in quite some time. Now I just embrace her and thank God for all the times we do have together. Being thankful for what we do have and my faith have helped me through this.
Sounds like your mom was and will always be quite the lady. Godbless

So sorry to hear of your mother Scott.
Since there are no medical cures for Alzheimers Disease (AD) medicine has been ramping up its quest to identify leading risk factors. Medical researchers don't subscribe to the general public's theme of AD being "inevitable."

I've shared with all our children who are raising our grandkids that sugar, more and more, is being investigated as a major risk factor for AD.
Here's one such study (there are more of these coming out since 2020);
https://tahomaclinic.com/Private/Ar...imers%20disease%20in%20older%20women.pdf

Here's the summary of that research;
Conclusions: Our study indicates that excessive total sugar intake was significantly associated with AD risk in women. Of six subtypes of sugar intake, lactose had a stronger impact on AD risk.

Nursing home and Assisted Living homes I support in a chaplaincy role are even now making changes to their dietary schedules. Case in point: How many times do seniors gather to play cards or whatever and what do they do? Bring dessert. It's everywhere today and it didn't use to be everywhere.
And now Medicine has identified that these foods are damaging to already damaged brain neurons, so high carb and dessert socials are on the way out in the places I'm at.

We are what we eat and while cardiovascular processes take about 40 years to end poorly for us.... EO (early onset) Dementia and AD is now showing up even in people in their 30's and 40's meaning genetics isn't the total picture.

Blessings!
Mark

AD is what my mom died from. We were able to keep her home until the last 2 weeks. I’ve already told my family not to do that for me. We would take her out and she would introduce me to people as her husband. That got some crazy looks. Love you mom. RIP. It looks like your mom was a strong woman.

My mom is 95 and living in assisted living. She doesn't have dementia or AD but her memory -particularly short term- is going fast, or is gone.
She still remembers me and many others, but when I call her later this morning to wish her a happy new year, she will have forgotten by the end of the day that I called her.

One blessing though; between about the ages of 85 and 93 she was becoming more and more cranky and bitter, however, all that has changed in the past two years. For some reason she is becoming sweeter and sweeter by the month.

Went through the same thing with my Ma, I lived a few miles from Fifield WI for 15 years, small world

My grandma had it and it was really hard to watch. She didn't recognize her husband of 68 years , nearly broke his heart. She would get out of the house at night, said she was going home. Even had half the town looking for her once.

I think its harder on the family and loved ones than the individual. Like stated, we have a hard time because we are trying to pull them back to the present. For them, they are probably reliving their glory days, probably not a terrible thing given the current world.

But, I would never wish it on anyone and I hope you can find peace and strength to go thru this battle 330.

330-Trapper,
I walked through this with my mentor. I can't say that I know what you are going through, but I can say that I pray for you and your family.
Jim

Cherish each moment with your mom.

Appreciate the writings of Experiences and the Heartfelt thoughts and especially the Prayers