Was once asked how do baby chicks nurse when the momma hen doesn’t have any nipples. Thought it was a cute question coming from the 11 year old daughter.


B

When the weather is really bad, do the deer stay home?

Stuck my 4WD truck deer hunting. I mean stuck stuck, as in buried to the frame. I had gotten out the ropes and pulleys and had them about ready to start pulling it out when two young "deer hunters" came walking down the old road. Sure as heck they look at the truck, then me and ask, "are ya stuck?" Nope, I said, I am really trying to pull these trees over to get some firewood.

In the mood I was in I was happy my gun was in the truck.

Will you take this woman to be your wife?

While my brother and I were getting our MS degrees, we had to teach a few classes for our sponsoring professors. One of the classes was Dendrology (tree and shrub ID). This was a 4hr class in the woods during the fall semester. Our first plant of the day was poison ivy, and had literally pointed it out with "leaves of 3" saying etc. Walking every student by it, and directly showing them individually by pointing at it with a stick. Not 10 minutes later, this young lady with more bust than brains from a large Northern IL city, came to me with a twig and leaves in both hands asking "is this poison ivy?" I couldn't help myself when I said, "bless your heart, yes it is!" By the end of the 4 hr class, she had a pretty good rash going on. A few weeks later, this same girl ate a green persimmon too. Not overly intelligent, but easy on the eyes.

While set up at a farmers market was approached by a a Junior at a $75,000 per year private university. She pointed at something on my table and asked “what is that?”. I answered it is an eggplant. She thought for a moment and asked “ how many eggs are in it?”

While at work seeing a patient, the patient in the chair asked me: "So what do you do for a living?"

Oops, missed the outdoors part. Guess I'm as bad as that patient ha.

Not outside but, when I was working as a Chef the waitress came into the back and asked me "How do you cook the grilled scampi?"

More of an exchange then a question: We are at the deer cabin and it is lunch time. We decide to call the local grocery store:
Deli please: Hello deli, the lady answers.
Me: I'd like a 24 piece of chicken please.
Deli: We do not serve 24 piece chicken.
Me: Do you sell 12 piece
Deli: yes
Me: can I order two 12 pieces
Deli: yes
Me: but not a 24 piece, could I order a 16 and an 8 piece
Deli: Yes
Me: but not a 24
Deli: yes, getting agitated
SO I ask: How much is a pound of Joe-Joes, "potato wedges deep fried".
Deli: I do not know I would have to weigh them
Me: No I just want to know how much per pound they cost.
Deli: Sir I would have to weigh them!
Me: Hang up call store 15 minutes away get 24 piece chicken and 3 pounds of joes-joes.
(here's your sign)

Will you trap my coyotes for free ? You can have the hides.

Same thing with more of an exchange than question. Me and my buddy got in the truck after a morning deer hunt. I said man I either need to buy a good pair of insulated boots or some heavier thermals socks. He said buy some black socks. I said what good will that do? He said keep your feet warmer. I said only if you’re holding them out in the sun. No he said black socks are warmer than white socks. I replied with I can’t believe you just said something that stupid. I never could get him to understand that black only gets warm from drawing heat from the sun.

I was at deer camp a number of years ago and asked if everybody had a compass. One guy who was never at this camp before said no so I gave him an extra one. I asked him if he knew how to use it and he said yea, you just point it in the direction you want to go.

It takes a lot of extrapolation to that answer.
First in the picture it looks like some tide is out.....
but by how much ?
How high is that dock. above the water?
Is not FSL measure in meters World Wide Now ?

Really was a bone of contention during one of our major floods here as the city used a pumping station as their base and it had not been used for 80 years.
Survey crews were busy shooting FSL's for all the dykes.

Guiding a trip for a couple on the blackfoot river. Lady asks me, "is this river man made?". I contemplated explaining to her how it comes from high in the mountains, eroding valleys, etc....

I just said "no"

I sell quite a bit of poultry and I have been asked numerous times if whatever breed lays eggs. I always say no. This is the only breed that gives live birth to their chicks.

I was at an open house for the local Jack Links beef jerky plant. A guy in line in front of me spotted the mascot "sasquatch" and asked the guide "is that THE real sasquatch or just a guy in a hairy suit?"

When I ordered a pizza one time they asked if I wanted it cut into 6 pieces or 8. I said 6, I don't think I could eat 8 pieces.

BIL went into a subways to order a hot ham and cheese. The little gal asked what she could prepare for him. He told her a hot ham and cheese on white bread. She smiled and went to get the bread, cut it and asked him what type meat he wanted on it. He again said he wanted a hot ham and cheese. her reply was I know sir but what type meat do you want on it? He looked at me and asked, " am I saying something wrong?" I said nope, last I heard hot ham and cheese was ham and cheese warmed up. The gal never did get it. We walked out shaking our heads.

We used to work with a California-based center a lot. One of their guys had gotten some sort of project money to study "biofuels". This was back during the big ethanol ramp up after 2007. I didn't hear this question but my lib colleague did, he was much kinder in his reply than I would have been. The guy in Cali asked, "how do you tell the difference in the biofuel corn versus regular corn?" My reply would have been, "It depends on which way the truck turns from the end of the driveway, if its to the right (towards the closet ethanol processor), its biofuel corn." I don't think that guy works for the agency anymore...

Had a 32-33 yr old man ask me if the sun came up in the east or the west .