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observation on Divorces #7460868
01/14/22 06:15 PM
01/14/22 06:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 24,667
nm
A
adam m Online content OP
trapper
adam m  Online Content OP
trapper
A

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 24,667
nm
Having known lots of people with divorces (childhood-now I've noticed something....Divorces hardly ever work out for the better.
Yes some divorce for are a legit safety concern but most of the time the adults just want to leave for whatever reason and the courts allow divorce for irreconcilable differences.

Usually from what I have seen one parent does everything they can to bring down the other parent and make the kids favor one over the other. One parent tries their best to be cordial with the other but the other is to bitter angry and selfish to be reasonable and work with the other. One or both try to "out due" the other with material things and so on. In the end the kids suffer both parents suffer and no one wins. The parents struggle to get by etc...

Some friends get along with their ex's better divorced, others are constantly pulling out hair, others can't see their kids, others constantly deal with a complete difference in rules and expectations.

These are just a few observations I've observed over nearly 40 years in life.

Is there a point when divorce parents ever say....this divorce isn't working out for any of us and it would be better to rejoin in marriage? It is certainly easier and cheaper to stay married than divorce most of the time.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460870
01/14/22 06:19 PM
01/14/22 06:19 PM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 23,259
Eastern Shore of Maryland
HobbieTrapper Offline
"Chippendale Trapper"
HobbieTrapper  Offline
"Chippendale Trapper"

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 23,259
Eastern Shore of Maryland
My divorce from the first wife was not a problem. No kids and we didnít own anything but the cars. 365 days and $160.00 later and it was done.

Canít lump all of them in the same bundle.


-Goofy-
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460872
01/14/22 06:20 PM
01/14/22 06:20 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,430
MN
1
160user Offline
trapper
160user  Offline
trapper
1

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 14,430
MN
A divorce tends to bring out the worst in everyone. Both parties will spend $100's of dollars fighting over a Gravy Bowl that Aunt Betty gave them just so the other can't have it. It is almost like a contest, who can hurt the other one more. Anyone that has gone through a divorce will tell you that is likely the low point of their life. Luckily I never had any kids to further complicate things.


I have nothing clever to put here.





Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460873
01/14/22 06:21 PM
01/14/22 06:21 PM
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 2,174
IL - Shawnee Ntl Forest
ShawneeMan Offline
trapper
ShawneeMan  Offline
trapper

Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 2,174
IL - Shawnee Ntl Forest
Just a sign of the times - better than the latest newspaper headlines...

2 Timothy 3:1
This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;


Shawnee National Forest - We live out here because we're not all there.
http://www.ripcordassociation.com
101 Pathfinder Det / Vietnam 1969 - 1971
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460875
01/14/22 06:24 PM
01/14/22 06:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,527
wyoming southeast
D
danvee Offline
trapper
danvee  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,527
wyoming southeast
Its great for the attorney's and at least in this state you marry one and after you say "I do" she owns half the ranch and livestock.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460877
01/14/22 06:28 PM
01/14/22 06:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,536
Northern Minnesota
BernieB. Offline
trapper
BernieB.  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 3,536
Northern Minnesota
Too many people quit before it really gets good. Kids suffer way more than most people realize. A big part of our dysfunction in society these days come from kids who were emotionally harmed through divorce and everyone ignored it and said things like "kids are resilient". They're the ones who get hurt the most and nobody seems to care.

I have always said there is no marriage that can't be a great marriage if both people are willing to make it work.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460878
01/14/22 06:29 PM
01/14/22 06:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 36,169
james bay frontierOnt.
B
Boco Offline
trapper
Boco  Offline
trapper
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 36,169
james bay frontierOnt.
Some stay married till the kids are grown.If they can remain civil with eachother,that is probably good for the kids.If the two are at each others throats all the time-then it is bad.
I knew one younger fellow from work who got divorced.His wife got the kids and would not let him see them-he loved his kids more than anything and wound up comitting suicide.

Last edited by Boco; 01/14/22 06:31 PM.

Forget that fear of gravity-get a little savagery in your life.
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460880
01/14/22 06:33 PM
01/14/22 06:33 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,664
Champaign County, Ohio.
K
KeithC Offline
trapper
KeithC  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,664
Champaign County, Ohio.
In most cases, I believe it would be much better for the kids if both parents unexpectedly died, than to have their parents go through a divorce, destroy each other in the eyes of their children, burden the kids with guilt and make them wonder if they are as bad as their parents.

Keith

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460887
01/14/22 06:56 PM
01/14/22 06:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,637
S.E. Ohio
M
M.Magis Offline
trapper
M.Magis  Offline
trapper
M

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,637
S.E. Ohio
Iím going to assume that unless youíve been through it, you have no idea what youíre talking about. Surely there are more important things to worry about than other peoples marriages.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: KeithC] #7460888
01/14/22 06:57 PM
01/14/22 06:57 PM
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,637
S.E. Ohio
M
M.Magis Offline
trapper
M.Magis  Offline
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M

Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,637
S.E. Ohio
Originally Posted by KeithC
In most cases, I believe it would be much better for the kids if both parents unexpectedly died, than to have their parents go through a divorce, destroy each other in the eyes of their children, burden the kids with guilt and make them wonder if they are as bad as their parents.

Keith

That surely has to be one of the dumbest things Iíve ever seen written on the internet.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: KeithC] #7460892
01/14/22 07:02 PM
01/14/22 07:02 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 12,452
Oakland, MS
yotetrapper30 Offline
trapper
yotetrapper30  Offline
trapper

Joined: May 2011
Posts: 12,452
Oakland, MS
Originally Posted by KeithC
In most cases, I believe it would be much better for the kids if both parents unexpectedly died, than to have their parents go through a divorce, destroy each other in the eyes of their children, burden the kids with guilt and make them wonder if they are as bad as their parents.

Keith


Goofiest thing I ever read. My parents divorced when I was 5, and although I remember being sad for a little while it didn't last long. In the divorce, my dad agreed to allow me and my mom to stay in the house until I was 18 if she paid the mortgage payments, at which point the house would be sold unless one bought the other out. After the divorce, I believe I was nearly as happy as I would have been had they not divorced as my life didn't change much. Sure, occasionally one or the other would talk the other down, but even as a child I realized that was to be expected since there were so many hard feelings, and so I just ignored it. I lived with my mom, and my dad came like clockwork to visit 3 times a week. Mostly we'd go hunting, or to town for ice cream, or bowling, or something at first. Later, as my mom and dad became more civil, we would most times just stay at the house unless we had something special planned. We'd go fishing, play cards or board games, go sledding in the winter, go trapping, train one of my ever present dogs, etc. On holidays, my dad would come down in the later morning and we'd hang out for awhile then he'd leave and we'd go to dinner at my mom's parents house. I do remember one point of conflict (in my mom's mind) with the holidays. Being a single mom she didn't have a lot to spend and yet she did (too much) and would try to buy me everything she could think would make me happy and then along would come my dad with a gun, or a used 4wheeler, or a beat up snowmobile and I'd be more excited about that gift and she'd get so mad/hurt about that.

But to say kids would be better off with their parents dead? That's ludicrous! I feel I had a great childhood despite the divorce, and am still close with both of my parents today!


~~Proud Ultra MAGA~~
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460894
01/14/22 07:04 PM
01/14/22 07:04 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,177
Sandhills Nebraska
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Gary Benson Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,177
Sandhills Nebraska
My ex got advice from her sister and brother, both who have been married and divorced three times. Great advice.


I know I'm paranoid......but am I paranoid ENOUGH???
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: M.Magis] #7460916
01/14/22 07:25 PM
01/14/22 07:25 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 50,434
Minnesota
330-Trapper Offline
trapper
330-Trapper  Offline
trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 50,434
Minnesota
Originally Posted by M.Magis
Originally Posted by KeithC
In most cases, I believe it would be much better for the kids if both parents unexpectedly died, than to have their parents go through a divorce, destroy each other in the eyes of their children, burden the kids with guilt and make them wonder if they are as bad as their parents.

Keith

That surely has to be one of the dumbest things Iíve ever seen written on the internet.

Not So fast there, that's the way you feel or believe.

My parents fought like cats n dogs and When I was married myself for 3 years, my parents divorced.
I was the oldest kid and much crap fell on me.
I remembering feeling that I wished they had died on their plane ride to Alaska together.

I believe God wired our brain PRE SIN , pre divorce. AND that my brain could wrap around the Grief of death much easier than the Unnatural mess and distorted wierd pain of Divorce.


NRA and NTA Life Member
www.BackroadsRevised@etsy.com




Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460917
01/14/22 07:25 PM
01/14/22 07:25 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,760
Idaho, Lemhi County
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Gulo Offline
"On The Other Hand"
Gulo  Offline
"On The Other Hand"
G

Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,760
Idaho, Lemhi County
I can't pretend to know anything about the "typical" divorce. I surmise each and every situation is different. Take my comments with a grain of salt, however, as I've been married for 41 years ... to three different gals.

Jack


Read a book...

Poetic Injustice:Ramblings from Alaska
The Last Hunt
Wild Life:The Evolution and Misadventures of a Naturalist
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: M.Magis] #7460919
01/14/22 07:29 PM
01/14/22 07:29 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,664
Champaign County, Ohio.
K
KeithC Offline
trapper
KeithC  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,664
Champaign County, Ohio.
Originally Posted by M.Magis
Originally Posted by KeithC
In most cases, I believe it would be much better for the kids if both parents unexpectedly died, than to have their parents go through a divorce, destroy each other in the eyes of their children, burden the kids with guilt and make them wonder if they are as bad as their parents.

Keith

That surely has to be one of the dumbest things Iíve ever seen written on the internet.


It's truly what I believe having gone through it on the child of divorce end. Apparently you believe only your beliefs matter, which is one of the dumbest things to believe.

Keith

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460921
01/14/22 07:34 PM
01/14/22 07:34 PM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,664
Champaign County, Ohio.
K
KeithC Offline
trapper
KeithC  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 11,664
Champaign County, Ohio.
Originally Posted by M.Magis
Originally Posted by KeithC
In most cases, I believe it would be much better for the kids if both parents unexpectedly died, than to have their parents go through a divorce, destroy each other in the eyes of their children, burden the kids with guilt and make them wonder if they are as bad as their parents.

Keith

That surely has to be one of the dumbest things Iíve ever seen written on the internet.


Originally Posted by 330-Trapper
Not So fast there, that's the way you feel or believe.

My parents fought like cats n dogs and When I was married myself for 3 years, my parents divorced.
I was the oldest kid and much crap fell on me.
I remembering feeling that I wished they had died on their plane ride to Alaska together.

I believe God wired our brain PRE SIN , pre divorce. AND that my brain could wrap around the Grief of death much easier than the Unnatural mess and distorted wierd pain of Divorce.



I am the oldest too and was the one who got stuck inbetween arranging the terms of the divorce. Likewise "my brain could wrap around the Grief of death much easier than the Unnatural mess and distorted wierd pain of Divorce."

I am sorry you had to go through it too Scott. I am sorry for anyone who has to experience what we did.

Keith

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460923
01/14/22 07:37 PM
01/14/22 07:37 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,235
Montana
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beartooth trapr Offline
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Posts: 6,235
Montana
Never been threw a divorce and don't have any kid's.
But have seen plenty of divorced people go threw it.
Seems crazy to me, some end up with one worst than the one they got rid off.
laugh something was good for a while I guess.
And some people should never get married.
But they just keep trying.

But I guess I don't understand , I been married now for 27 years.
I got lucky and found a good wife.
Just keeps getting better


Let me sugar coat this
Re: observation on Divorces [Re: beartooth trapr] #7460930
01/14/22 07:43 PM
01/14/22 07:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 12,771
Iowa
~ADC~ Offline
The Count
~ADC~  Offline
The Count

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 12,771
Iowa
Originally Posted by beartooth trapr

I guess I don't understand , I been married now for 27 years.
I got lucky and found a good wife.
Just keeps getting better


X2 25 years for me. Could not have a happier marriage. Some people say it was tough some of the time, but it never was for us. And like you said just keeps getting better.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460931
01/14/22 07:44 PM
01/14/22 07:44 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,145
east central WI
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Dirty D Offline
trapper
Dirty D  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,145
east central WI
many years ago before divorce was a regular accepted thing there were couples that didn't get along but stayed together.

There was the bad stigma that went with getting a divorce and the woman had less choice than to depend upon a man to provide for her.

Now there is no societal stigma in getting divorced and women come out with child support and alimony. There is no downside for a woman to get divorced today only upsides.

If hubby isn't making her happy its time to pull the cord and jump out.

For a man the odds are you'll be in hock for many years paying the ex.

Thats why something like 70-80% of divorces are started by the wife.

Re: observation on Divorces [Re: adam m] #7460935
01/14/22 07:47 PM
01/14/22 07:47 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,231
Philippines,,ohio
west river rogue Offline
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west river rogue  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 7,231
Philippines,,ohio
Was married for was married 41 yrs to one woman,had a decent divorce without strife. Lived with a few others and stayed until it got bad. Had my sons with one I lived with in asia for 6 yrs and we both discovered after 6 yrs we found things we didnt want for our lives. So we parted ways and my living son came west with me. Far west. He never experienced parents fighting or bickering as we had already made choices. wish my parents had split instead of the constant fighting,threatening and abuse. So at 15 I left. My son has a great life here with me and has little contact with his mom by her own wishes and he doesnt really care. He is well adjusted and honors in school,,alter boy at church,school leader and the list goes on. You cant lump it all together,people are different. [Linked Image]
[Linked Image] [Linked Image]


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