Laundry – How hard is it? (This was just a little something I whipped up for giggle, hope y'all enjoy)

OK how many men here think they know how to do laundry? Well, I hate to tell you this but you’re wrong! If you doubt me just ask your mom, sister, girlfriend, wife or female partner, go ahead try it. They’ll either say “Oh - no” or give you that “Bless your Heart” look.
Now don't get me wrong guys you do know how to do laundry, but “guy style laundry” not “women style laundry” or as it called “properly doing laundry.” Men and women just do laundry in completely different ways.
Let’s start with deciding when it is time to do laundry:

Men – How do men decide its time to do laundry? Simple we’re out of clean underwear, no socks, not shirts, not even pants. That’s because men will wear shirts and pants, they wore the week before or even the day before (all the women gasp in horror), if in desperate need they will wear the same socks a few days in a row until even they can’t stand the smell, and that is how men know its time to do laundry.

(Rubillo roundabout – When my stepfather Charlie and my mom were separated for a few years, he came up with a way around the above system. When we would run out of underwear, socks, or t shirts (to wear under his dress shirt and tie) he would simply go to the store and buy NEW one – sheer genius! No laundry this week! When he and mom got back together, he had around 50 of each.)

Women- How do women decide they need to do laundry- it’s simple. They go to get dressed and try to find a certain dress, blouse, pants, or slacks and find them in the dirty laundry. (Now guys are thinking just wash the pants, right?) Ah, no. If the item she wanted to wear is dirty she will wash every piece of dirty laundry she can find, as well as dirty towel, washcloths, dishtowels, and on to the sheets, pillowcases, comforter, blanket, snuggly, coat, jacket, cover up, (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman) is you have a small slow moving dog , it better hide under the bed or it might get tossed in for a spin too.

Now on how to separate loads of laundry. Most men might have a basket for dirty clothes, but we all know some of you have a pile or more likely am area of the bedroom where e you toss dirty cloths. Usually a unused corner usually, however usually they a
re scattered about the room like a small tornado had just gone through it. Women usually have a basket and a hamper as well and you are not likely to find their dirty laundry scattered hither and yon,
Now separating laundry, you might want to go get a drink because this is going to be a bit long

Laundry Loads

Guys separate laundry into the following loads:
Dark – This is for anything that is not at least originally white to some degree
Not Dark – this is for stuff that is supposed to be white, socks, underwear, maybe a dishtowel (if he has any)

Women – They are slightly more advanced
Dark- for ladies this is black, dark blue, green, or brown items, usually jeans, slacks, or leggings
Less Dark- these are regular colored blue, green, brown, purple or greys
Colors – shirts, blouses, pants, slacks, leggings in basic colors like, red, orange yellow,
Pastels- pinks, rose, baby blue, anything they call light (name color)
Whites – strictly socks and maybe towels if white (no guy owns a white towel)
Delicates – obviously panties, bras, negligee and other assorted lingerie
Towels- now on to the towels, bath and dish (wish a bit of bleach to kill germs)
Bedding- sheets, pillowcases, comforter, blanket, snuggly, and possibly the mattress pad if she is feeling energetic
Coats- obvious one here
Sweaters- these need their own special load, if in doubt just ask any female in your life and they will explain it to you


Washing

Now we load the washer and actually wash the clothes
Guys load the wash in these ways:
Dark – We simply empty the entire basket into the washer, up to and over that thingy in the middle. If it covers the thingy in the middle will get up and start stomping laundry as if were grapes and we’re making vino. We figure if we weren’t supposed to load it that full, they would make the drum thing smaller, right?
Washing: Grab bottle of detergent and tip and appropriate into the washer, if extra dirty or stinky an extra tip. (Ladies we can’t tell you what an appropriate amount it, we just know by eye.)
Not Dark – See Above, but the non darks never reach the middle thingy
Washing: - Tip in detergent like about, but also add some bleach, usually to that triangle thing in the corner.
Now for the part that confuses us men picking the load size, water temp, cycle etc. Men only need three settings and they can be preset forever : Extra Large Load, HOT, Heavy Duty Cycle

Women – They are slightly more advanced
Dark- for ladies this is black, dark blue, green, or brown items, usually jeans, slacks, or leggings
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, load size determined by the “actual” amount of the load (crazy but true), COLD water, standard cycle

Less Dark- these are regular colored blue, green, brown, purple or greys
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, again load according to laundry, COLD water again, standard cycle

Colors – shirts, blouses, pants, slacks, leggings in basic colors like, red, orange yellow,
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, load to right size, cold water, standard cycle

Pastels- pinks, rose, baby blue, anything they call light (name color)
Wash - carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, load to right size, warm water, standard cycle

Whites – strictly socks and maybe towels if white (no guy owns a white towel)
Wash – carefully measured detergent, bleach and fabric softener, load to size, HOT water (finally)

Delicates – obviously panties, bras, negligee and other assorted lingerie WARNING do not wash underwire bras in a washer, or it may cause the wires to pop out and then you may die! Underwire bras must be hand washed to keep them safe from damage
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, warm water, delicate cycle
Towels- now on to the towels, bath and dish (wish a bit of bleach to kill germs)
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, HOT water again, and finally a HEAVY DUTY cycle
Bedding- sheets, pillowcases, comforter, blanket, snuggly, and possibly the mattress pad if she is feeling energetic
Wash – carefully measured detergent, a touch of bleach and fabric softener, HOT WATER and HEAVY CYCLE, there will be the following loads of bedding, Load 1 – Sheets and pillowcases Load 2- Blanket or Comforter and finally Load 30 The Mattress pad. Guys we know we would have stuffed as much would have fit into the washer and only done a second load if our grape stomping didn’t get it all in the washer.

Coats- obvious one here
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, COLD, standard cycle

Sweaters- these need their own special load, if in doubt just ask any female in your life and they will explain it to you
Wash – carefully measured detergent and fabric softener, COLD, and delicate again.

Drying – How hard can this be right? I bet if you're a guy you think you know how to at least dry clothes, you’re even more wrong than before. Look at a woman in your life and ask her if you can dry laundry correctly. You’ll either get a evil eye look, like don’t you dare try to dry laundry again, a giggle and a sweet, no honey you don't, or the “Bless Your Heart” look.

Let me explain:
Men -simple we take whatever is in the washer Darks, Not Darks etc., and jam ALL of it into the dryer, put it on HIGH and run for the longest cycle possible. Now for some reason when the dryer cycle is done our laundry is never dry, makes you wonder what kind of crappy dryers we have. So, we run it again HIGH and longest cycle. Usually after the second run it’s dry. Now I have been told there is a thing called a “lint trap” on dryers and has to be emptied out every so often. I’m just warning you because don't want anyone to get their fingers snapped in a lint trap, maybe leave it to the ladies as they have experience in this matter.

Now as to how ladies’ dry clothes, better get a drink again as this is complicated

Darks – usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet

Less Dark - usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet

Colors - usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet

Pastels – this is where it gets tricky, you could go high heat, but some fabrics need to air dry IE. Hang up to dry, or there is an allegedly a medium heat setting you can run them on, to complicated for us men, let the ladies do it or there will be blood

Whites - usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet

Delicates – another tricky one, some panties can be dried like ordinary thing high heat for as long as it takes. Other lingerie, bras, and other silky stuff must be hung to dry. If you have ever been in a woman’s bathroom you know it often looks like Victoria’s Secret blew up in there!

Towels - usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet, this is easy till we get to folding

Bedding - usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet

Coats- usually high heat and an “appropriately” sized load and an additional fabric softener sheet, however SOME coats must be hung up to dry or else there will be blood.

Sweaters- The Big Bad One – ok seems easy enough doesn’t it guys, DON'T EVEN TRY IT. If you dry your lady’s sweaters in a dryer you better be ready to take her shopping for all new ones or have young daughters who need sweater for their Barbies, or wear a football helmet so what she whacks you with the cast iron skillet you’ll at least survive.
Sweaters need to be hung up to dry, BUT there are criteria, very specific criteria! The best way is to lay them over the back of a chair, but few people have as many chairs as ladies have sweaters, so we need an alternative way to dry.

You can dry on a clothesline, BUT you must do this in the right way. If you say hang a sweater on a clothesline and clothespin it like you would most shirts by the shoulders, you will get the dread “Nipple Shoulders” (guys I am with you, never knew this was thing), but I bet the woman in your life knows what they are and if you create them, you may not see tomorrow. This is an item that is actually better to leave fresh out of the washer and in a basket and let your female partner handle it, better safe than sorry.

Folding
The dread of men, folding thing the “right” way (as if such a thing exists).
Men – most things folded with the simplicity of a five-year-old, pants leg to leg and then put in drawer, shirts sleeve to sleeve, then in half and put in drawer, dress shirts “might” get put on hangers as well as sweater if he owns any, I stress the “might.”
Socks might get paired up or might simply be tossed in drawer all together, underwear likely just get wadded up and tossed in its own drawer.
Bedding – We can fold sheets and pillowcases and put them in the closet. Except for that @$#^&#^ fitted sheet. My best advice is to take it, fold it from corner to corner then wad the SOB up in a ball and throw it in the corner of your closet.
Towels- fold in half and half again put in closet
That’s it for guys, now on to the ladies.

How women fold things (or as they call it, doing it the right way.)

Pants- folded neatly together then hung on a hanger
Leggings – folded neatly together then hung on a hanger or folded in thirds and out neatly n a drawer in her dresser

T – shirts – if she wears it out of the house it will get hung up on a hanger, t shirts that are oversized and comfy that she only wears around the house will be neatly folded and put in the PJ drawer

Blouses – they ALL get hung up on their own hanger and usually a special felt covered hanger

Bedding – neatly folded sheet, pillowcases, and maybe mattress cover, and some have mastered the dreaded fitted sheet fold, though sometimes they resort to wadding it up and tossing it in the linen closet

Blankets – all neatly folded and put away in the mysterious “linen closet”

Panties – neatly folded and put in a drawer in neat little rows, do not under any circumstance try to fold your lady’s panties men, you’ll just screw it up, even if you have seen her fold them a thousand time and you think you know how she does it, you're wrong.

Bra – an easy on cup to cup, straps tucked into cut if large enough (I think)

Towels – a tricky one, every woman has her own way to fold a towel and to her, her way is the only right way. Guys you can stand next to your lady and watch her fold towels and think “Well (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman) I can do that” sigh, try it and I bet she will give you the “Bless Your Heart” and not say what she is thinking “My God was he having an epileptic fit when he folded this?”

Coats/Jackets – hung on hangers not on a coat hook and they make sure the shoulders are perfect on the hanger

Sweaters (makes the sign of the cross) – this should be left to the experts; I know they can be either folded in a certain way and put in drawers OR hung on special hangers in certain mystical ways known only to women. Guys if you try to fold and put away your lady’s sweater, you’ll likely drawer a hanger only sweater and/or hang a drawerable sweater. No win situation.

So guys save yourself and especially the woman in your life the headache and difficulty and let the ladies do their own laundry. You can wash your own clothes guys, just expect the occasional HUFF, sign or the “Bless Your Heart” look from the ladies when they see you screwing it up royally.

LOL, lot of truth here.

We have one setting, one water level, one temperature, everything goes in, colors don't matter. Take out and shove in dryer, everything gets the high temperature.
The only time I get in trouble is "overloading" the washer...whatever...

Any clothes that can't make it doesn't get replaced, survival of the fittest!

My wife once said "I'll bet before we got married you never made the bed". I replied "That is not true. I made the bed every 2-3 months when I washed the sheets." Apparently that wasn't acceptable either.

How embarrassingly true!! I have my old GI duffle bag to shove the dirty stuff in, It's about the same size as the mouth of the machine, so it dumps in pretty slick.

Great plan !!

Gentlemen we have a Genius in our midst!

"I have my old GI duffel bag to shove the dirty stuff in, It's about the same size as the mouth of the machine, so it dumps in pretty slick."

The washing is not the dangerous part. Ever been clotheslined by a 36-DD in your sleep at 2A.M. while trying to hold your bladder just 2 more seconds. We got one rule, THAT BATH ROOM LIGHT STAYS ON !

I usually do the other chores

Good read^^^

it is a good thing my wife likes grey

10 grey shirts 5 pair of blue jeans ,grey socks

I do the wash most of the time , she doesn't like carrying things on the stairs , washer is in the basement with 115 year old stairs.
Go down the stairs head first once and the whole carrying things gets unpopular , well, no not the 14 to the basement the 16 from the 2nd floor she still uses those but not while carrying anything and holds onto the rail.

so I probably do it wrong , although she did it wrong as well , her mother waited till she was a week out from college and took her to a laundromat while they were on vacation to show here how to do laundry. So with 5 minutes instruction. she basically tosses it in adds soap and hits start also.

I helped the kids out I taped off all the spots on the dial not to use tapes USE THIS where I wanted them to set it and , that's it 2/3 full max or it stops up the machine. 1 spoon of soap. turn to <Here> and pull out on the dial. come back in 45 minutes.

You nailed it.

Men are not as picky as woman.

My aunt had 4 kids, all laundry was tossed into the basement at the foot of the stairs, they would jump into the pile of laundry from the top stair and not get hurt....when they ran out of clothes she bought new ones, and repeat, lol

Unless my uncle ever got mad enough to do laundry I doubt the washing machine was used much.

Yes, she was a slob....

A girl at church that teaches the kids gives the congregation simple instructions for properly washing clothes. First she pretends to dip a handful of clothes in a bucket of water and says "Washy Washy" then to another bucket and says "Rinsey Rinsey" then smells them and then throws in a basket to be hung out.

Next batch "Washy Washy" then "Rinsey Rinsey" then smells them and throws in a basket to be hung out.

Next batch "Washy Washy" then "Rinsey Rinsey" then smells them and "Yuck " then repeats cycle "Washy Washy" "Rinsey Rinsey" then smells before throwing into the basket.

When the adults are not being behave enough to fit her specs that are suitable for her kids she tries to get the hint across for them to clean up their act before getting out her hammer and tent pegs and that is when she ushers the kids out before hand !

Sadly if I want clean clothes I have to wash them myself. Don't misunderstand I love my wife but she is terrible at doing laundry. She packs the clothes in the drum so tight I don't think there is room for water. My muddy / sweaty (stinky) clothes come out of the wash just like they went in if she does laundry. I don't separate anything out. But for Lords sake it aint like washing clothes is physically demanding, so I don't see the point of packing them all into 1 load.

my wife handles all the washing, in fact pretty much all the domestic chores, as God intended.
And she mows the lawn.
I do other chores, mostly repair/maintenance of the house and related stuff.
It works out well.

I mow but I think the last time I did laundry was before I got married.

I don’t sort loads by color. I have two different types of loads. Dirty and super dirty. If you want to get fired from laundry duty, put everything in the dryer. They claim it shrinks stuff I guess.

Never attempt to dry a woman's clothes LOL they have about 6 or 7 ways and temps to dry different thing, and odds are if you guess you'll guess wrong LOL