I have a couple questions for those of you with daughters.

- Do you plan to contribute to her wedding?
- If you do, do you expect her to ask you for it? Or do you plan on just telling her what you have to give?

Yes, tell how much giving.

Here....the wedding process has got completely out of hand, people take out mortgages for her "special day"
it's a race to see who can out do the other, it's sick....
Hopefully your daughter has some sense, picks a moderate wedding and something you can help with without breaking the bank..
If your not planning or expected to fund the whole show, I'd tell her what you can do and stay in budget. it's a wedding, not a coronation...

Haha. I'm asking as the fiancé to the bride. Not the father. I know how I'd handle it.

Here's the situation. We've been together for 8 years. We got engaged this past April. We never asked for anything and didn't really expect anything. But her father would literally change the subject anytime someone else asked us about the wedding and tried to avoid the conversation. At this point we've planned and funded the entire thing ourselves with cash. (Her dress was $500.00, I'd say that's moderate by today's standards).

Now he says he wants to pay for it. Well, he wants to split it with his ex-wife. When my fiancé asked why he waited so long, he said he didn't think about it and it's our fault for not asking. I feel like he had 36 years to think about it. She's his first born.

Just to be clear, it's not about the money. We don't want a crazy wedding. It's the fact that he wanted no part of it before and it really hurt her feelings. And when she tried to tell him that, he blamed her.

I don't think he wants to help, I think he's just trying not to look bad.

Happens all the time. I’d stay out of it and concentrate on having a happy wedding. The last thing you and especially your fiancé need is more to worry about before getting hitched. I’d just tell her “it’s no big deal, we got it covered” or something to that effect.

Probably....best of luck on your nuptials...

If I had my druthers when I got married, a pig pickin outdoor party, or maybe a clambake would have been fine...give us the stupid amount of a traditional wedding for a house down payment...

But my inlaws were show offs...

Just run off to the Justice of the peace and get it done. No drama. That's what I wanted to do but my wife wanted a big wedding. We compromised and got married at the farm and had a pig roast. That was 39 years ago and no regrets.

My daughters were raised by me. I cooked a pig for each, hired a DJ, bought some booze and a keg. Was not to awful. Good time had by all.

Wanted a cookout and keg at mine ...but nooooo that was low class..had finger sandwiches and fruit platters

So..a church basement wedding, lol

People too often forget that's what's important is coming together to interact and celebrate the new couple, not to waste money that would be more usefully spent on the couple's future together.

Keith

Rember looking at a few studies that showed pretty definitely that couples who spent a crap load at the wedding. usually don't last too long as a whole.

Reminds me of one of my army buds , was his best man , they rent out a yacht club, fancy hotel rooms for everyone, open bar, high class catering ,..... Think they made it a year :(same with alot of people I went to school with

Yeaaahhhhh she I'm still tripped out about it , I was expecting to get married under a tree in blue jeans or something, but no had to do it the "right way " but she's the sentimental type and it was the church her mom and dad and grandmother and grandad got married in so...

Still though that bag in the closet with a $3000 dress kinda makes me go wedding industry knows it's got its hooks in where it needs to be ... Think my suit was $60 off of Amazon

Over the decades, I've noticed an inverse relationship between the cost of wedding and duration of marriage.

We did a cookout on the river in the '80s.
I wore a suit from Sears.
My sister's bought it for me, as a wedding gift.
We're still married, lol.

One of my son's just got married, said they were all in just under $15k, including honeymoon.
We were about 1/10 of that, total.
We paid for his catering. ( I offered to)

Wife and I got married under a borrowed tent in a field at our gun club, Family present.

Had a cookout/potluck at a park about a month later for friends and extended family.

I see no sense in a new couple blowing a mountain of cash on a one day party.

In your situation, I'd let the wife and dad work it out, or, if she approves, just tell Dad to keep his money.

Did yours get mad at you when you offed to cook for your own wedding ? Mine and a few of my buddies all got petty hot at the idea

The mother of the bride will make the wedding plans. You are just an observer. She has dreamed of this job since your daughter was born.

She told him we've already got it taken care of. My issue is he acted like he wasn't interested, waited until we planned a cheap wedding on our budget, and then wanted to reimburse us for it. If he really wanted to help he should have offered 2 months ago. Not avoid us. How do you plan a wedding without knowing the budget?

We're happy with what we have planned. I was just asking how other fathers would have handled it.

You said you were together 8 years. I guess he figured you guys had the situation under control.