I've got this Marine who works with me. He's from West Virginia, he's funny, and he comes up with some crazy funny sayings when he's chewing someone's butt. I write them down as I hear them and have about 30 of his and mine combined at the moment. I'll start.

"That Marine's harder than Chinese algebra."

Last night I slept like a baby - woke up every two hours and cried

That guy is strong like bull and smart like tractor.

Jerry on American Hoggers has some good ones like
"it's like wiping your but with a hula hoop... There ain't no end to it!"

It's like wiping before you poop...it don't make sense.

It's coming up a cloud.

It's windier than 2 old women gossiping over a clothes line.

I was nervous as a [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot] in church.

From Aunt Gertie in Port Clinton, Ohio.
Circa 1980

She quipped " That's as common as an old stick"

Taste so bad I had to lick a coon dogs butt to get the flavor out of my mouth.

It were so heavy that I cut a washer off my a hole lifting it.

I'll kick a mud hole in your butt, then stomp it dry!

Ain't seen you in forever. Thought you went to take poop and the hogs done ate you.

Saved you life the other day when I saw a poop eating cur dog and shot em'!

Smiling like a possum eating poop in the Moon light.

That's slicker than snot on a chicken lip.

"Grinning like a Mule eating Saw Briers"

Busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
He was shaking like a cat crapping concertina wire.

Shivering like a puppy passing peach pits.




Charlie

I heard you died in a whxre house.

Colder than a cast iron toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg.

When they passed out heads I thought they said beds---and asked for a big iron one.

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I'm no spoon either

Like a baby loves his bottle

That's what I like about you- Nothin

All back , no brains

Madder than a three legged dog trying to bury a turd in the ice.

It's like krapping in your chaps and sitting in it, just not a good idea.

He's not the brightest light in the harbor.

I think the cheese slipped off his cracker.

I was about as popular as a txrd in a punch bowl.