He's so windy he could blow up a onion sack.

When the good lord passed out azz's she thought he said grasses and said give me 40 acres.

"if it'll rust it'll cut the SH** out of ya" ........ refering to pocket knives that aren't stainless

Guys used to say about Paul Millettes Beaver skinning knives: Pauls Knives are so sharp your eyes will start to bleed if you look at them.

It hotter than a henhouse

Of bad breath.....smells like he's got a turd dancing on his tongue.

A man who doesn't like to spend money is "tighter than a bulls [butt] at fly time."

Colder than a witches......

That would go over like a pregnant lady poll vaulting!

That would go over like a Turd in a punch bowl!

That would go over like a lead balloon!

He's so broke he couldn't pay a dime to watch a p'ss ant swoller a hay bale.
If you put his brain in a woodpecker, it would fly backwards.
I've been busier than a 1 eyed man in a t'tty bar.

It's so dry, I caught 2 catfish and had to throw'em back cause they were covered in ticks.
Got so drunk, I was taking back stuff I didn't even steal.
I've seen better looking heads in a cabbage patch.
The 3rd grade was the 3 best years of my life.
Got so drunk, I woke up at my house.
She was squeakin like a cat squirrel chewing on a door knob.

I'll whomp funk knots on your mellon faster than you can rub em...

I don't know what a funk knot is, Tree rat, but I bet child social services was on the brink of kidnapping you when you were a kid.....lol. Nevermind.....I just had a flashback....I remember what a funk knot is...

Come to think of it.......Dad? You didn't tell me you had an account on here....and mom thinks you're at work!

I'd be on that like Matt Jones on a fried bologna sandwich.

Well, she ain't much to look at, but she don't sweat much for a fat girl.

Ain't he bragging like he's the world's tallest midget.

Any old mule can fart on the first furrow. Takes a heck of a mule to keep on farting till the last furrow's turned.

Looks like two monkeys fornicating a football.

You can tell he's lying. His lips are moving.

This food ain't bad if don't mind the taste.

That gal looked pretty good until she smiled and I saw her summer teeth. Sum'er missing and sum'er still there.

Sum'r in her pocket.....

Ever meet someone who has the zacklies? When their breath smells zackly like their butt does.

Boy, i'll pop a knot on yo head, then pop ya for being a knot head!!

Nuttier than a peach orchard boar

ole (someones name) sittin on a fence, tryin to make a dollar outa fifteen cents

colder than a well diggers rear

they call me "polio" the crippler

Thanks, I'll dance at your third wedding naked in a hogs trough

I got buggers in my nose and dirt between my toes, I'm a country boy

look at her go, looks like two bear cubs fightin in a gunny sack!

speak to me talk to me come on now

Yep ..thats like a sore dik ....you can't beat it ..