I always tell my girlfriend......... You want to fly with the eagles and your stuck with a turkey..... gobble gobble

My fav from Newfoundland;

Stay where you're at till I comes where ya're to

Newfie here, i use this quite a bit.

also use "the arse is gone right out of her" or as we say it, da arse is gone right outta er

Shes gone bys, shes gone.

where you longs to

arse foremost

I was told this as a kid while picking blueberries by my grandfather, "Don't pick the red ones, theyre green" figure that out...

And of course from Oklahoma comes this gem: "Careful, your mouth is writing a check your arse can't cash".

I can't believe I forgot this one.

While in Iraq, I think it was 2005. I heard a Captain say about a woman....

"She's so hot I'd crawl through 8 miles of mud to hear her fart over a field phone!"

I'm so hungry my stomach is gnawing on my spine.

more meat on good friday

Hold my beer.......watch this.

Good stuff.....I ain't laughed so hard since the pigs ate my little brother.

he,s as use less as a rubber beak on a wood pecker.

Better to be shot at and missed, than chit at and hit!


Mac

I'm so hungry my stomach thinks my throat was cut.

I'm not racist I got four black tires and a color tv!

Jumped like a cat on a hot skillet.

Busier than a cat covering up crap!

Locked up tighter than a bull's backside!

"where there's hair, there's stink".... still my fav......

Sexier than socks on a rooster.

My boss used to always tell the floor supervisors this when we were in the middle of fixing something and they ask if we could hurry so they could make their quota.... "I've got 2 speeds, this one and go take a break... youu wanna see my other one?"

Grandpa used to say this when someone ask him how he was doing. "I woke up breathing this moring, guess I'm doing better than someone."

Steve

Smarter then a 2 lb pig

"Tighter than a gnat's butt stretched over a wash tub"

All hat and no cattle.

If I tell you a rooster can pull a freight train, you hook him up.