One day I was busy just a-catching them fish
and dreaming of a six-foot trout.
Suckin' on a beer and swattin' bugs
And bailing the water out.
When a monster fish with eye's ablaze
Gobbled up my plastic rat.
He pulled my boat across that pond
So fast I lost my hat.
Well, my pole was bent in a figure-eight,
My reel was a-singin' the blues.
The wind was whistling by so fast
It sucked the laces outta my shoes.
The fish was headed for the opposite bank
Right at the tackle store.
I figgered that monster son-of-a-gun
Would kill hisself for sure.
He didn't go slow; In fact, speeded up
And was puttin' up a heckuva wake.
I got concerned and tossed my anchor...
And watched the anchorline break.
I figgered then that I'd bail out
But didn't want to lose my beer.
My earlier concern had grown a bit
And turned into white-eyed fear.
I did some mighty quick calculatin'
Using E equals M-C square,
And figgered Ed's bait and tackle shop
would cease to exist right there.
That devil-eyed fish hit poor Ed's pier
Right under the fishin' bench.
Plowed into the bank at such high speed
He dug up a heckuva trench.
Well my miserable life passed before my eyes
As my boat approached that ditch.
I'll repent all my sins, be nice to preachers,
Won't call you a son-of-a-(This word is unacceptable on Trapperman).
And I'll never again, as long as I live
Torture innocent worms.
I'll swear off the drink, and I'll even think
of washin' off some of my germs.
Well about the time death was imminent
That darned ol' alarm clock rang.
And I woke up with sweat everywhere,
grabbed a gun and shot the thang.
Cause the biggest fish in all the world
Had just gotten clean away.
And all I could do was go on to work...
...And go fishin' another day.
Love it, Jack !