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WIP #7983648
10/31/23 09:14 AM
10/31/23 09:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,322
Ontario, Canada
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slydogx Offline OP
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I hesitate in posting this for a couple reasons. First, it is hard science fiction and perhaps not a good fit here. Second, it is in draft and not yet polished. It is an excerpt from what I hope will be my future novel, and something I can be proud of.

I am posting it because I think the act of writing, and this Pen and Quill forum in general are important and valuable. There has not been any traffic in some time, so I am contributing what I can.

Along with a flash of bright light came a glimmer of consciousness, a journey from the void to self-awareness. In an instant, the boy knew he was a boy, he knew he was three years old; he knew he was alone, floating.
The first voice he would ever hear pierced the veil of his solitude. Mechanical, measured, without emotion.

“Subject – 36 - month wellness check. Chamber 05.16. Male. Heritage genetics – Anglo Caucasioid. Intellect Enhancement Module confirmed. Status is green, no error codes.”

After a brief pause, the voice continued to drone on.

“Begin stimulus response protocol.”
An electric hum began to build, increasing in intensity to an ear pounding crescendo. The boy’s body contorted in pain as his muscles involuntarily contracted, his back arched, jaw clenched, hands clawed.

“Pass. Stasis mode resumes in 10 seconds.”

Release, blackness, void.

Then, awareness of a familiar presence.

The Worm, which had taken to lurking at the back of the boy’s mind roared forward to the space behind his eyes. Its lips curled back, exposing row after row of glistening, dagger like teeth and exhaled a venomous hiss that sounded like water being poured on a bed of embers.

“This new world of man is corrupt and lazy and fallen. Change it must, and change is coming, but it will not come from the COMSOC councils and their tepid mediocrity. It won’t come from sycophantic Overmaster faggots or their sweaty Underboss henchmen and certainly not from brainless Troglodyte pit labor.”

Its eyes narrowed to glowing red slashes and its toothy grin grew impossibly wider than it already had been. Pausing to run its tongue along the front of its teeth, the worm’s voice dropped to a rumbling baritone whisper.

“Change will come from the half-starved victims of the COMSOC’s folly. Not those content to scrape an existence from the crumbs provided by the Worker’s Council, not the sheep in constant blind confusion following the edicts of the irredeemably fallen World Church. It will come to the world, screaming into the light in blood and chaos and violence like a newborn baby. It will come from one who serves no king.”

As much as it was possible for a thing so reptilian, so dangerous, so alien, the Worm’s aspect softened to that of a parent consoling a child. Behind its impossibly deep voice, a comforting rumble signaled ease and contentment. “Sleep now, child. Fear not the darkness. Fear not the void. I am here ever on watch. I occupy the space between the spaces. You are never alone.”

With that, the Worm’s eyes snapped shut. Like the sheathing of a thousand times a thousand swords, its lips uncurled to hide crimson gums and jagged white teeth and it faded into the background as if it had never been.

Release, blackness, void.


Just happy to be here.
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #7983718
10/31/23 11:04 AM
10/31/23 11:04 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,746
Idaho, Lemhi County
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Gulo Offline
"On The Other Hand"
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Wow! You have a good command of the words, and a good imagination. Post more! Not generally my favored genre, but give me more.

Jack


Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #7983782
10/31/23 12:17 PM
10/31/23 12:17 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,322
Ontario, Canada
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slydogx Offline OP
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The largest of the troglodytes, the one who had struck the boy now held him fast against the concrete floor, a single massive, calloused hand wrapped around his neck. The smell of sweat, alcohol and machine oil was suddenly overpowered by the sickly sweet stench of the troglodyte’s breath as it pressed in close and grunted in self-satisfaction that it had injured the boy so easily.

Effortlessly, it stood up, lifting the boy in the air by his throat and with a dismissive flick of its wrist, flung him into the wall.
“Cromak!” it bellowed, followed by a guffaw of laughter.

Celebratory hoots and laughter followed from the small audience of hulking brutes who had gathered to watch the violence unfold. “Cromak!” They shouted in unison, cheering him by name to show their approval of his mindless savagery.

His every instinct screaming at him to stay down lest he again attract the attention of Cromak, who was now distracted by congratulatory rough housing with the other troglodytes. Against his will, the boy clumsily, painfully struggled to his feet. Adrenaline surged through his body as the Worm asserted control. Perception narrowed to focus on Cromak’s face, his leering, jagged smile and the boy’s sense of self was torn from him in a torrent of madness as wellsprings of rage began to flow unchecked.


Just happy to be here.
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8020384
12/14/23 04:36 AM
12/14/23 04:36 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
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James Offline
"Minka"
James  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
Interesting and well-written.

I'm never sure whether someone posts their work for comments, or just to show their work to others here.

You're not the only one who writes hard SF sometimes.

Jim


Forum Infidel since 2001

"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8020805
12/14/23 04:22 PM
12/14/23 04:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,322
Ontario, Canada
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slydogx Offline OP
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I always appreciate comments or feedback... but I am fine with folks who just read and move along or skip the posts entirely because they aren't big fiction readers.
Mostly, I try to post in here once in a while because it gets me out of my comfort zone and it adds traffic to what is unfortunately a fairly slow section of the forums.

Thanks for chiming in


Just happy to be here.
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8040347
01/04/24 09:44 PM
01/04/24 09:44 PM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
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James Offline
"Minka"
James  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
Is this a short story or novel excerpt?

Jim


Forum Infidel since 2001

"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8040815
01/05/24 12:11 PM
01/05/24 12:11 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,322
Ontario, Canada
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slydogx Offline OP
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It is intended to be a novel. I have picked it up and put it down about 50 times LOL. I am trying to force myself to get it written and self published within the next year and half.


Just happy to be here.
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8041430
01/06/24 04:21 AM
01/06/24 04:21 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
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James Offline
"Minka"
James  Offline
"Minka"
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 17,379
Coeur d' Alene, Idaho
I would look for an agent and/or publisher directly before going the self-publishing route. If possible, you want others to pay to publish your work, not yourself.

But first you have to write it.

Jim


Forum Infidel since 2001

"And that troll bs is something triggered snowflakes say when they dont like what someone posts." - Boco
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8130628
04/29/24 08:21 PM
04/29/24 08:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 47
Connecticut
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Johnny Skunk Offline
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Connecticut
how much of it have you written? I think Its 50,000 words minimum for a novel. I like what you have so far. Do you work off an outline or just write as you go?

Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8130743
04/29/24 11:48 PM
04/29/24 11:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,322
Ontario, Canada
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slydogx Offline OP
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I only have a few key elements written and no outline. I am hoping the spark hits me and I get going again on it.


Just happy to be here.
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8136979
05/10/24 09:49 AM
05/10/24 09:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
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Ontario, Canada
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slydogx Offline OP
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Gajllardo tried to recoil from the boy’s touch, but the little hand exerted an unnaturally strong grip on his forearm. Waves of anxiety and fear assaulted his senses, his brain overwhelmed and frustrated by an overwhelming need to run, and hide being foiled by the iron shackle hold on his wrist. Madness was scratching at the gates of perception.

Despite three of four limbs being strapped to the observation bench, the boy managed to drag the struggling priest nearly to his knees and fixed him with a gaze that was all too human, too innocent and bereft of malice to be the cause of primordial dread that was choking screams of terror into lip quivering sobs.

“Who are we?” the boy repeated the priest’s final question.

“Who are WE?” more forcefully, but without anger. The priest’s knees weakened, and his lower body collapsed fully to the floor.

“The Vessel may be only human, flesh and bone, blood and guts, but it has a soul, an existence and a name. By necessity, we exist together, all at once.”

The boy continued to stare, no longer into the priest’s eyes but through them, as if the plane of focus had shifted from mere inches to incomprehensible infinities. This new feeling of utter insignificance was somehow worse than the terror he had felt previously.

The boy’s voice lowered to a whisper, the focus of gaze snapped back to the eyes of the priest, “I am just a frightened child, I am alone, and I am angry. I am cosmic terror from beyond the stars. I am judgement for the wicked, I am the mechanism of consequence for all of your unrepentant degeneracy. I am HE, and WE are ME.”

The boy pulled Gajllardo close and let out a rumbling growl. The exhalation was painfully hot, like the exhaust from some infernal engine. The boy spoke again, with mechanical precision that could not conceal the disdain in his voice.

“I have devoured the firstborn sons of pharaohs, I have burned the Sodomites from their wretched dens with cleansing fire. I am he, and we are me, the devil worm, Moziel.”


Just happy to be here.
Re: WIP [Re: slydogx] #8145673
05/27/24 06:55 PM
05/27/24 06:55 PM
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 47
Connecticut
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Johnny Skunk Offline
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Joined: Apr 2024
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Connecticut
Ender’s Game and Brave New World come to mind .

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