Hard to believe in the year of our Lord 1974
Pheasant...rabbit..quail....were a hunters only score
Nowadays deer thru windshield is a daily chore
Have to remember this is now 2024

Where were they hiding back then
Maybe division of wildlife had'em in a pen
Shirley they had food to eat
With farmers growing corn ...hay..... wheat

Was young buck myself that year
Hunter gatherer in me had to show no fear
To impress a young lady I said my dear
Big game hunter in me just like the pioneer

The only deer my eyes saw before
Stretched on front fender of a starchief 1954
Rifle needed I had to explore
Clerk exclaimed you with a gun, I deplore

But where do I find a deer when here there is none
Hardware owner said easy, go west..... son
As he pointed to case with shiny new gun
Here's all you need
This humble 30.06 pump browneee

What gauge shells does she take 12 or 16
He knew then I was no hunting machine
Still as I acted a marine corps gunny
I could sense something was funny

How much I said ?
With it you'll shoot them dead...
Eyebrows raised....the price you see
Is........ three seventy ....no.....no ...
wait ..............four yes........four twenty

Walking out on 1890s creaky floor
Bell hanging on door
Heard a mumble...point right end away from you
I'd been had.....swell......shure........you too

Thru window he still recounted the 20s
I sensed spending ....too much money
One thing he told me .....found to be true
In cold weather .....she'll never.... jam on you

Off to great start with right gun
My anticipation could not be overdone
Deer hunting under a western sky
Found rancher family can't remember how or why

The wife was a version of ....mick dundee
Always with knife in sheath that scared me
Laughing......yelling......cursing.......all her .....forte
Sunup till after sundown...... she worked... all day

Ready for the hunt....just tell me when
Dopler radar did not exist back then
Nature pulled a surprise to my shagrin
Found....temp mimus 8....wind @20....just can't win

20 hunters signed with rancher familee
How many deer can there possibly be
I was not the only one
Almost all .....ended up borrowing my gun

Being part of a drive
Sitting on a stand
I was trying to survive
cold and wind I had not planned

Was last in truck to be placed
When she asked.....are you looking for a rack
Any deer.... I'll quickly embrace
Fine.........I know of ridge where we can attack

Soon she froze..... in point like an english setter
Aiming to what..... I don't know
4 does and a 4 point..... right to left..sizes gets better
I couldn't see ......cause now there was snow

Out and set up...with glasses I'll direct ...she barked
1st 2 on right too small ... watching them grazing
3rd is large doe..4th left is buck..your @#*# pick..she remarked
So confused I didn't know what I was chasing

What you waiting for.........as she swore
With my heart pounding ....cross hairs moving
My chest felt like it tore....
Was having a time choosing

Stop your g@# d*# breathing....and g@# d*# it..squeeze it off
With adrenaline pumping........I dare not cough
What's the distance I persisted
Your in g@#$*% range...just @#$%&*# shoot she insisted.....
.
Put crosshairs on back @ shoulder she roared
Held breathing.......squeezed it off....heart soared
Deer were gone.....jumped off ridge.....shure I missed
Then knew was a hit...hear her cursing....out of joy did exist

Gutting saw I was novice..need help and pushed me aside
Back at camp other hunters all had same cry
Missed deer stories with their automatics jamming
You have problems they asked?...not a one ..get ready for my bragging

One by one I lent out my gun
With their auto's freezing I gave them hunting fun
So my pump shot 10 or more deer that year
Result.. I ate and drank free ....they paid my tab with their appreciation cheers

Man who sold it over charged me for real
But I got better part of the deal
By truthfully not selling me an automatic
I ended up a hero ......with those hunting fanatics

The end

CORRECTION--SHOULD HAVE BEEN SEMI-AUTOMATIC

True hunting story from Ohio to Wyoming 1975