That person couldn't spell CAT if you spotted them the C.

That person is so paranoid, they think the football players are talking about him in the huddle. 

“You don’t know what you know.”

I'll get on that faster than a Hobo on a ham sammich

here that is a couple tree for

it isn't a exact number

as in wife asks "how many beers you had?"
Husband "ahh a couple tree for"
wife "so somewhere south of a 12er!"
husband "bout dat "

Had my nephew help me align a door...he said ..is that good..

I said just move it back a CH.

He said ...what's a CH.

Then we had a little chat ..and laughed

you know the one that just made sense one day

call me anything you like just don't call me late for supper!

so at my house there was always enough food and my dad was always late getting home for work so mom would make him a plate wrap it un plastic wrap and put it in the fridge , we had an early microwave he would heat it up when he got home from work that could be 8 or 9 especially in Nov Dec
we nearly always had leftovers as well to take for lunch , cooking ahead was common.

eating with my sister in laws family , farm family , grace was said then there was 5-7 minutes of no talking just shoveling food and taking seconds and everything was gone in that 7 minutes every plate clean and every bowl empty.

that was the day that one just clicked for me.

Slicker than snot on a door knob


boy shows his grandpa a new tool that takes significant work out of a process that used to be tedious or hard

"Well isn't that slicker than snot on a door knob!"

an admiration of the cleverness , smooth ness , handiness or usefulness of the new tool.

that sure beats a sharp stick in the eye!

must be why the birth rate keeps falling , to many hairless cats these days.

Croocket as a dogs back leg.

Slicker than snail snot

Dumber than box a rocks

Tighter than gnats behind stretched over rain barrel

So dumb can't pour pee out of their boot if the directions were on the bottom.



Mac

Kind of like one the sayings around here, "rarer than hen's teeth."

"Good enough for government work."

Used to have a Gunner who'd call me up and say , " Proff, can you send me some guys ? I've been tasked with building bricks without straw over here . ".

Father came from W.V. Had a few sayings - instead of bull s----- he would say Horse feathers - Guys a frigging corn ball - Don't take guff from any one - Grinning like a mule eating saw briers - Scarcer than hens teeth - when he pronounced Push it came out like Pooosh (little WV accent) - Chomping at the bit - Run rough shod over some one - By the way, he called me a corn ball a few times. All I can think of right now.

Sigogglin, haints, cases etc. Sigogglin means something a little crooked, haint is a ghost or a scary thing, cases are tires on your vehicle.

Screwy as a football bat.
Ugly enough to scare the poop off a pitchfork.

I don't know the origin of ether saying but I heard them a lot from a good friend in high school that had a great sense of humor.

With regard to stupid:

Not playing with a full deck
A few bricks shy of level
Rowing with one oar in the water
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Life is hard. It's even harder if your stupid "John Wayne"
If his brains was dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off.
dumb as a sock full of soup.
Lights are on but nobody's home.
His train of thought hasn't left the station.

That one reminds me of another one dad would use.

Girl is uglier than mud fence.

No idea where he got that one.


Mac

it's a horse a peice

this one is apparently from the southern end of the fox valley in WI the area between Oshkosh and Fondulac

it is equal distance

in an ambulance in Liberty township on hyw 41 ,

EMT "well Oshkosh or Fondy ?"
patient " which is closer?"
EMT " it's a horse a peice!"
patient "well Fondy is closer to home go that way!"

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

Brass monkeys were the divisive on ships to hold cannon balls.
When it got very cold the brass would constrict allowing the ball to spill.

Rare as hen's teeth - referring to something that is uncommon
Dumb as a bag of hammers, dumb as a post, etc.
Nuttier than a fruitcake
Light in the loafers - referring to a man who is effeminate
The lake (or ocean) is as flat as pee on a plate - referring to calm water