what are your thoughts on a potluck funeral meal.


something along the lines of
the family or Robert Johnson invites you to a celebration of life and potluck lunch.
please bring a dish
If the dish reminds you of Bob or was one of his favorites all the better.
plates, flatware and cups will be provided
Beer , water , coffee , milk and lemonade will be provided.
After the service please join the family in the hall to eat , talk and share your fond memories and stories about Bob.



you might say Bob was a connoisseur of the potluck.

If that's what the family wants, I see no problem with it. You don't have to go, but Wi, better bring some type of tater tot hot-dish if you do.

Goulash or as I call it funeral hotdish

I think it's okay for a family to do that. My families' funerals, on both sides have always provided all the food , but I don't think it's wrong to have a pot luck. The important thing is for the family and friends to come together to grieve and to celebrate the life of the deceased.

Keith

when I was younger most funerals were that way, and they were at the church , I see nothing wrong with it,

it is my family , I have 5 uncle Bobs but in this case it was just used as an example name.
I have no issue with potlucks , I love a good pot luck.

it is a sick relative , pre planning their funeral wanted my input , I am definitely on board for a potluck not exactly sure what I will bring it might depend on what is in season.

Here it's done differently, traditionally, there's a wake at a funeral home, used to be 3 days but now it's just 1, people come for the afternoon or evening session, usually a service in the evening, they come up to family and express their condolences, most will approach the casket and say a silent prayer...then they sit, or visit with acquaintances .
The next morning is the funeral with a church service, if church goers, then the procession to the cemetery.. After, only close family and friends will go to a restaurant private room for lunch.

Of course there's many variations, often lately there is no wake, just a family service grave side, luncheons are often missing, some have a small gathering at the home of the deceased. With cremations becoming common, sometimes nothing at all, or just an immediate family gathering....

No pot luck funeral meals that I've ever heard of....

For these I look to my home grown.
Could be green bean mushroom casserole,
or venison, or something else good.

Around here if someone local passes neighbors usually make food and take to the house or services.if there's going g to be lunch after the funeral people may wait and take stuff there be it chips,homemade rolls,pickles,different types of appetizers as the main course will already be there whether that's some type of beef or pork.i asked my mom years ago that I thought it was kind of strange having a meal after someone's funeral her explanation was that years ago people had to travel so far to come to the funeral that the families felt compelled to feed them before they left for home.nowadays it's known as a celebration of life for the person.

Lately for potlucks we’ve been bringing bacon. Thick sliced done in the oven.A bit of maple syrup brushed on afterwards. Just a big plate of maple bacon strips. Never any leftovers

most of the funerals of the past were a lunch in the church basement , the church ladies all signed up for and made the food.

sadly it seems most of the church ladies have died or become too old to continue these traditions.

my great aunts funeral was one of the last that had a group of active ladies who provided the lunch and it is possible some of them came out of church lady luncheon retirement out of respect for my great aunt.

My mom is involved with a group of women called home extension that used to do the same thing but like mentioned above either they have passed or getting to old to do it.

Around here it's still the Church Ladies that provide the meal. Pot luck seems a bit of a hassle for those coming in from out of town or are working before or after the service. I'm guessing less will attend the meal if it's potluck.

a lot of the funerals I have been to were a wake from like 4-7pm with a little prayer service at the end , then 0900 the next morning family hour, then 10am arrival for a 11am funeral , grave side service after the mass then a luncheon served by the church ladies.

the last one I can remember like that was my grandfathers in 2012
wake at the funeral home in the evening and service the next day followed by lunch.

my grandma passed in 2023 and it was start gathering and having the wake at the church at like 8 am for family 9 for others , service about 10-10:30 and then grave side , return to the church and have sandwiches in the the hall that were ordered from a local sandwich shop.

in 2018 my aunts dad died , who was also my grandpas best friend , in 2019 my grandpa died , both of them had been founders in their parish raising money to have it built with a big hall to hold meals in.
they lived too long to have their own funeral meal in the hall.
both meals were at a restaurant with a wedding hall , on a Monday when they would normally be closed.
my grandpas old neighbor owns the restaurant so he mostly had his family work the funeral lunch but he was thinking then he was done with the funeral biz as well. too hard to get people to work it on a Monday.

I worked all sorts of funeral meals with my grandma in that hall , she is still alive in her 90s but her mind is gone now.
I was running a commercial dishwasher at 8-10 years old.
When she eventually passes I have no idea what her funeral lunch will look like.


the funeral director said only 2 churches in the area even have funeral lunches any more and they are mostly just a space and you have a caterer bring it in.


I appreciated the time before and the lunch and time after to reconnect with family as well as the friends of the deceased that we don't always see a lot and to have a good chance to share memories and hear stories.
the stories around picture boards at a wake or before and after the funeral service are great , it would be great to find a way to collect them all some how , but just hanging out and hearing them and remembering them is what we have.

I think we found a hall large enough to accommodate at a reasonable rate they allow catering or bring in your own food or even potlucks.

a basic cremation package is 5K
that doesn't include licenses and fees any additional transportation
death certificates
so expect around another 700-1500 to cover those things as the counties involved are billing some of them and the funeral home will pay them but pass on the bill.
I get they have to , but it still stinks , dog taxes look darn right tiny compared to death taxes.
the cremation license in WI varies by county MKE being the highest at 550 and Green one of the lowest at 225 or 250. Dane is like 525

if aunt Betty passes in MKE load her in the car and drive her to a cheaper county. Especially if she was not going to be burried in MKE because they charge a move fee to transfer to another county and both counties can charge it tack on 3-500 more.


all in one day is getting a lot more common here as well it allows people to drive in funeral and drive home the same day.
especially if you have anyone in the family milking they can milk make the funeral and then be back to milk.

My wife and her church group do all the work for most funerals at a near by church, helping set up and clean up afterwards. The meals are after the service and are usually catered in with the menu up to the families disgression.
Seems like someone always steps up as some drop out due to age or disability.

Round here church ladies feed the families afterwards. Families traditionally give the church a donation in return so there's a fund at the church for such things. Same with fire departments. If they come put out a fire for someone the someone that had the fire makes a donation to the fire dept. I'm sure it's less and less traditional every year.

Supposedly, the deceased can be brought directly to the crematorium, not even sure if a casket is required...eliminating most if not all the funeral home cost, I'm not sure how that works exactly but budget funerals have become common with the high cost of traditional funeral costs.

Around here most people bring something to the family’s house to eat then after funeral most everyone goes to the house for meal but this has got me thinking maybe a potluck would be nice who knows no matter what it’s all about showing your respect and reminisce about the person

definitely all about getting closure and getting everyone to share their stories and reminisce.

not hard at all to get 100 people for a funeral that is mighty hard to get into any one persons house and you never know what the weather will be.
I have been to funeral where it was 96 degrees and humid and funerals at a blowing -10 standing in the same cemetery.
stood in snow a few times grave side once almost to the knee.
you learn to wear your thermals under your good cloths.

thinking of mention dress casual , Bob is a jeans and t-shirt wearer who doesn't much like to dress up.

a cousin passed last year had a Packer party celebration of life. they rented a hotel hall and everyone wore their packers gear. they had a regular funeral in OH where he lived then his immediate family traveled back to WI for the celebration of life.
hard to get a hundred+ family to OH and a lot easier to get the 3 immediate family his wife and kids back to WI.

Bring two dishes, one big one for the potluck and a smaller one to give to the family to take home. I remember in a book about comforting the bereaved that bringing food to the family is suprisingly helpful since it helps them save on groceries a bit, makes it so they have to cook less, and reafirms that there are people who care about them during hard times. (Also use disposable dishes so they don't have to worry about returning cookwear.)