"Okay, like, here's what's goin' on, eh?"

"So the big hosers in Ottawa are all fightin’ again, right? Like, they’re tryin’ to see who gets to be the top dog, the king of the beer fridge, you know? Justin Trudeau — he's the dude with the fancy socks and nice hair — he's still hangin' on, but like, a lotta people are sayin’, 'Hey buddy, you had enough turns, eh? Maybe let someone else steer the zamboni for a bit.'"

"Then you got this other guy, Pierre Poilievre, who's like, always angry, eh? Like he’s got no donuts left or somethin’. He keeps shoutin' about how everything’s too expensive, like beer’s goin' up to, like, fifteen bucks a two-four, which is a real crime if you ask me."

"And there’s other folks too, like Jagmeet Singh, who’s got the cool turbans and is tryin’ to keep everything friendly — but like, he’s kinda stuck between helpin’ the Liberals and tryin’ to not look like he’s helpin’ too much, eh? It's like when you tell your brother you won't tell Mom he crashed the snowmobile, but then you realize you were on it too, eh? Real tricky."

"So like, everybody’s arguin’ about housing, and food prices, and whether we’re all gonna be workin’ until we’re ninety-seven, and meanwhile, regular hosers like us are just tryin’ to afford a six-pack and a bag of ketchup chips, eh?"

"In conclusion: it’s a real gong show, beauty! So don’t forget to vote, ya knob — it's your chance to pick who’s gonna wreck the country the least, eh? Take off if you don’t, ya hoser!"

Here’s how it would sound if Bob and Doug McKenzie were sittin’ around, crushin’ some beers, arguin' about the election, eh:

[Scene: Bob and Doug sittin’ on the couch in their toques, beers in hand, Canadian flag in the background.]

Doug:
"Okay, like, I’m votin’ for Pierre, eh? He’s gonna make beer cheaper and gas cheaper and maybe even donuts cheaper, too."

Bob:
"Take off, you knob! You believe that? Like he’s gonna waltz into the corner store and just, like, wave a magic hockey stick and POOF everything's cheap again? Beauty fairy tale, hoser."

Doug:
"Well, what’s your plan, Mr. Smarty-Toque? Gonna vote for Trudeau again, so he can, like, take our money and give it to geese or somethin’?"

Bob:
"At least Trudeau says 'sorry' when he wrecks stuff, eh? And like, Jagmeet’s got some good ideas too, y'know. Like free dental! You could finally get that chipped tooth fixed from when you tried to eat the frozen puck."

Doug:
"That was a training accident, Bob, and you know it. Besides, nothin’s free. Somebody’s payin’, probably me."

Bob:
"Yeah, you and your $8.17, big spender."

Doug:
"Shut up. I'm tellin’ ya, we need a real leader, like a guy who can chug a beer and still drive the Zamboni straight."

Bob:
"Buddy, the only thing you should be drivin' is a shopping cart at the beer store, and even then you’d crash it."

Doug:
"Whatever. I’m votin' for the guy who talks tough."

Bob:
"And I’m votin’ for the guy who doesn’t sound like he’s yellin’ at my dog, eh?"

[They clink beers and sigh heavily.]

Both:
"Democracy's a beauty thing, eh? Pass me another beer."

Keith

The Hosers have a 300% tariff on our dairy products,,and cant figure out why Trump is doing what hes doing.

But I keep hearing the argument that those tariffs only kick in after a certain threshold is met. The argument is that it rarely happens, that's bull scat. I am a dairyman and my wife is a lab tech at a large milk plant. Before those tariffs were adopted the plant she is at was shipping 3 to 4 loads of milk protein concentrate into Canada every day. As soon as they were implemented it ended. They ship none now, it's too costly for them to buy it here now.

And just for reference it takes about 400,000 pounds of milk to make just one load of the milk protein concentrate. So that's about a million and a half pounds of milk per day that was shut out of Canadian markets from just this one plant. That's enough product to keep about 18,000 cows in a job.