That they’re getting old?

My aunt had a fall and of course she didn’t tell me about it. Mom did. We have been talking about my mom and aunt moving in together for some time. Seems like they want to wait until disaster strikes to get their crap together. Then it all falls on the kids and in laws to clean everything up. I’m not trying to sound like a jerk but I’ve been trying to figure it out for a while. I would hope they would try to be more responsible but no one wants to admit that they need help…

You can’t. It’s hard but they will come to realize that they can’t handle things themselves anymore. Eric

I know they don’t wanna move in together….but desperate times…

I've been trying to tell my old man for awhile with no positive results. Took him nearly dieing recently to finally get him to listen. It can't be fun from his perspective, and I know my turn is coming.

Take her to an assisted living place and let her see what they offer. If she says it’s too expensive or not her kind of people, tell her it’s that or being with the aunt. Then let her decide. She needs help but she needs to be part of the decision making process.

I feel your pain. My folks are in their 80's and they are still telling me how I need to do things. I do not try to tell them to stop and take it easy. They don't know how. I figure let them live but don't be far away when its time to help. That's all I can do.

Don’t have any business telling people how to live their lives because me nor you would want that at any age

by telling them that you want to help them get their affairs in order before medicade wants to take their house.

get the medical power of attorney , durable power , get the house in a trust , you need it there 5 years before

and to be fair any of us can kick it tomorrow . next week , next month

time is no guarantee.

yes I am a real downer but it doesn't make it not so.

I've been telling Christine I'm getting old for years ... she keeps telling me I'm not 'ld , just getting creaky and need I good oil'n. Lol

Most individuals aren't willing to admit their frailties and start to do any planning until they have to take care of another family members.situation. it's then that they realize that they don't want to put your family through the things they had to deal with.

Tell em by giving them this

This is what I've found out with my 85 year old parents. I help all I can and that's what they appreciate the most. Try to run their lives and tell them how to live and it alienates them.
I'll probably be the same if I live to their ages.

They told me their life is what they want, not what I want and think

Help and love is what I do.
So I pray and hope for the best every day.

Seems like a lot in reversal from when I was a teenager and thought they were trying to run my life, so I try to understand

You don't tell them, they know they are getting old.

You sit down and have a discussion about their safety and well being, your concerns and ideas about how to address them

Wife's parents for example.
Went from living on a 70ac place to now in assisted living in a 4 yr time span.

We are constantly discussing their situation and things that need to be done.

We have not forced anything.
We discuss their needs and let them have the majority say in what the next step is.

FIL is the easy one and the more healthy one and he is the shot caller between the 2 of them.
MIL spends most of her time in her chair and is dependent on others for a lot

FIL is 88 and MIL is 89

We went from being 45min away to moving them about 10min away.

They are just kidding themselves if they dont admit it.

Check their financial situation that might be the answer to your problems.

When I can no longer care for myself, I think I’d rather crawl under a bush someplace and croak in peace. One final game of hide and seek!!!

I wouldn't even tell them they need to go to any sort of assisted living or worry about the safety side as much.

I think some of us would rather fall down the back steps in winter freeze to death laying there and have our kids have a memorial service for us with who ever is left than go to live in a "home" and slowly loose our minds.

dying in your own home on your terms is fine.

there are worse things than dying

but what you might find is that they want to secure the land , the farm , the house , the assets for whom they want them to go to and not the state. That is why set up a trust and have that stuff in order.

A Good Attitude

I recently just told my father inlaw he was lucky the last few times he has fallen he didn't break something or hit his head and he really need to take it easy. He is loosing balance and having weak legs


his son pulled in a few weeks back and he was down the hill in the woods by the dog pen. had fallen and could not get back to the house. a week or so later he fell in the shower and had to call the neighbor to come help him get up.
The man is independent and can't sit still type. I layed it out very clearly since he is not listening to everyone else. I flat told him he has been lucked he has not broken anything and if he keeps pushing it he will and then will end up in a nursing home/rehabilitation center and may not get back out. I saw that hit home in his eyes. But I still dont expect it to sink in becuse i know I couldn't just sit around all the time. That man is incredibly independent and is legally blind but has learned how to deal with it so well you would never know he is blind if you were not told.

From my experience how well these aging discussions go or take place depends a lot on how discussions took place in the past. In some cases the elderly even start those discussions with their kids or others.
I am 77 and we are moving to a condo as my wife has significant movability issues. I was hoping for several more years in our smaller older home but we will probably be gone from this place in a few months.
I have noticed a decline in my physical abilities in how fast I can walk, needing to take breaks more often and not nearly as stable as I would like with some vertigo and just losing strength. I share that with our kids and we can openly talk about how to best move forward. As we age we don't want to give up our independence but if we force others to let us fend for our selves or wait until the need, all generations are harmed.

Bryce