My wife's father isn't doing real well, has me thinking about our limited interactions as they live in Texas and us MN. Long story short My girlfriend and I were going to Texas to meet her parents for the first time, I wanted to get her dad's blessing to marry her. As time ticked down on the trip I got her dad in my truck for a talk and before I brought up anything he says "if your thinking marriage you need to date a minimum 5 years first." That basically killed the discussion. A few months later they were at our wedding and her dad pulled me aside and told me how much it hurt him that I didn't ask and told me I had to ask him there, I did ask and he said yes, he was backed into a corner at that point. I should note My wife and I were 32 and 33 at that point, we've been married 4 years and have 2 kids now, our 5 years of dating would of just been ending.

Sure wish things could of gone differently, I have no regrets but I suppose it's a lesson to log for the future. For whatever reason it feels good to write it out, maybe someone can glean something from it.

Be blessed all.

Girls and there dad have a unique bond IMO. I remember asking and talking to my FIL about marriage to his baby daughter. The one thing I remember him telling me is to take care of for life.
My son got married some years back now but he was mid thirty's and I ask him if he ask her dad for his daughter in marriage. He said he did, and he told my son that he needs to be absolutely sure it is the right thing. He has a very good relationship with his FIL and I'm very happy for that. He does more things with then I and that is fine with me.

Date for 5 years? Her dad was being ridiculous. IMO if a couple in their 30s date for 5 years before marriage then one or both have a problem with commitment. At 32/33, in another 5 years her time clock would be running out for having kids w/o increased risk.

You did the right thing by not saying anything about the 5 year foolishness because it would just have created strife and perhaps ruined your relationship with your (now) wife.

If your marriage is good, and with 4 + years in and 2 kids, you should look back and know you and your wife made the right decision

All 3 of my son in laws asked me before hand, I told them it would be fine. Just 1 thing, don't ever hurt them as I don't mind going back to prison if they do. The look on their faces was priceless lol. But I meant it.

That would have been a tough situation to be in Donner. Sure sounds like you did the right thing.

I was fortunate that my father-in-law was very easy to get along with and very easy to talk to. He and I had gotten to be pretty good friends, and I would often stop by his place for a cup of coffee and to talk about guns or trapping. The night I asked his permission, I reached in my pocket and grabbed the ring box, and set it on the table without saying anything. He smiled and said, "I hope it's my size". Everything went pretty smoothly after that.

Appreciate the feed back, I don't think he will make it a whole lot longer and I sure wish we could of gotten off better. I do think he's pleased with the marriage now, two kids and my wife stays home with them, we're very blessed

You say you've had limited interaction, but I'd be a little surprised if that's the only controlling behavior he's demonstrated.

Controlling people tend to overreach. It sounds like instead of having a civilized converation like people who are confident in their views typically do, he tried to preempt a conversation he'd be insecure about. He was afraid, he overreached hoping you (or her) would fall in line no matter how unreasonable his position was.

Peraps I'm wrong, but that's my guess.

My wife's parents weren't thrilled about us getting married. We were 18 & 19. When I asked for permission we had no date in mind (I had not proposed to her yet), so timeline was unspecified until after he said yes.

I think the controlling aspect came from my mother in law, I have a feeling she pushed him to say something. When my wife called her mom and told her I proposed and she said yes her mom said "oh no" and went quiet.

I hate going to Texas for visits but it's likely much easier than them living here. They want to move closer, we'd like them to move closer, just not to close...