Bob, someday I’d like to hear about your experience.
I read a book not too long ago called “ imagine heaven “ by John Burke.
It was a collection of folks near death experiences.
Some were truly amazing.

I'll tell you about it tomorrow. It changed me . Still have more work to do, but it set the stage. But it rattled me, even scared me . Big time ! Still does. And yet, comforted me.

I hope you do share, Aaron.

It's going to be a long read . Sadly, there's no other way to tell it. I've never shared this outside of family except to a battle buddy of mine from Afghanistan . Just about everyone knows about "the stroke", however, there's more to it that I haven't shared.

The summer of 2019 , I was having a lot of episodes of AFIB . At least three of them resulted in trips to the ER. My rate would go from 70's and 80's to 160 bpm , sometimes higher, and then go low again.

On August 15, 2019, I had a cardiology appointment due to all the AFIB episodes . The cardiologist looked at all my records , my lab work and with my otherwise good health , he said he did not think I was at risk for a heart attack or stroke. However, he did say that I was a good candidate for a heart ablation . He said that I should go home , discuss it with my wife (Stephanie) and he'd schedule me for the heart ablation .

On the morning of August 28, 2019, I got up and did my normal routine. Threw in a pinch of snuff, poured myself a cup of coffee , and grabbed my bow to get some shooting in before it started to get hot. As usual, I shot for about three hours. Still do.

Stephanie was off that day . She was working at a clinic as part of the nursing staff and had the day off . We had been having a little tiff the night before so we were having to deal with the awkward silence that comes with it. She was getting ready to start cleaning house. I came inside, sat my bow down, and called the cardiologist to see schedule the ablation that we had discussed, I left that message with his staff and then readied my stuff to take a shower.

Once I got into the bathroom, I closed the door and assessed my week or so beard progression in the mirror. I was debating maybe trimming as I scratched at it, then sat my right hand down the countertop and turned on the water to brush my teeth.

That's when I noticed my right was still sitting on the countertop. It should've been holding the toothbrush , but it was just laying there. "That's weird", is exactly what I was thinking . I remember that, well. I turned off the water with my left hand then used it to pick up the right hand. I felt nothing in it. No sensation whatsoever. I let go of that dead right hand and it just hit the countertop. Nothing. At that instant, my entire right said went dead. My right leg collapsed and I was relying on my left side to get me from crashing onto the floor. My left elbow was in the sink and was braced there to keep me from falling . I was beginning to lose sight in my right eye, as well.

Inexplicably though, that's not where I was found . I was found on our bedroom floor. Beyond logic , I had managed to exit the bathroom and made it to our bedroom before falling onto our bed. I laid there for a few minutes before trying to get up, which resulted in me falling down.

At the time , Stephanie's brother was living with us and he and Stephanie were in the living room talking with a friend of his that had dropped by . Donovin ( the friend) happened to look up and he saw me on the floor trying to use my left arm to get up.

To this day , my poor wife get's very emotional at this part. When she ran to me , she immediately noticed that I was covered in sweat. Drenched. And she watched my facial expression change from confused panic to a very peaceful look. She describes as "almost apathetic". At that point, I had lost my inner monologue, so, I wasn't responding . I was fully awake, but I was more like an infant. She recognized what was happening and all that information was passed on when 911 was called. I was having a stroke and she was watching me die.

Into the ambulance and got to the hospital and they didn't pause to put me in a room. Straight into the scanner to see what kind of stroke I was having so they could determine what kind of treatment to proceed with . They determined it was an ischemic so they gave me clot busting drugs and then we were loaded into a helicopter to head to OKC to extract the clot that was still in my brain.

Many here reached out to me during this period for prayers and well-wishes for healing while I was in hospital . Ten days I think ,it was three in the ICU. I can recall coming out of the anesthesia fighting . To include using my right hand but I was fighting my restraints.

But !! I had full movement.

Initially, we thought we'd beat it. Aside from communication issues , we really thought we'd beat that monster, that widow-maker. But , the challenges were just beginning. That reveal began about three weeks after I was discharged.

Keep in mind , a healthy brain accounts for about 20% of your daily caloric intake. Mine had just taken a hammer. Parts had been shutdown . Now, my brain was trying to work around the damage that'd been done. I was exhausted. I'd lay down for a nap that'd last four to six hours. Steph would come and check in on me to make sure I was still "OK". And I was starting to quickly lose strength . The bow I was shooting that morning ,I was no longer able to draw. And I was started to drop weight. I went into the ambulance that day weighing around 170lbs , by Thanksgiving, I would weigh 128lbs. Six foot tall, weighing 128lbs.

My brain would only process so much information through out the day. And it was very frustrating and very scary . I found that I could get disoriented very easily in places even in places that I was familiar with. And I found that the more information my brain was to process, the more frequently it would happen. Things as simple as going to the store get Steph a few items suddenly became very complex tasks as my brain would not make a simple decision .

to be continued...

Foxkidd, You can read all about my experience in an older version of the Readers Digest or an older version of the Trapper Predator caller magazine. It almost became a TV episode.

Aaron, I had no idea. I'm in tears reading your experience and now I'm invested. I'll check back for part 2.

Continued...

My speech was also becoming very frustrating. Things I tried to say didn't come out right , sometimes, it'd come out very mean or short. I wasn't trying to at all ! It just came out wrong I didn't know how to fix it. I started becoming more and more reclusive.

In November, Steph and I went back to OKC to have the ablation done to finally fix the culprit that had caused the stroke in the first place. But, I knew when I opened my eyes in recovery and looked at Stephanie, I knew that something was wrong. Before starting the procedure, they had taken a look at my heart to make sure everything was in order. They had found that I had a blood clot in my heart . Of course, they couldn't proceed, as that may have resulted in another stroke right there on the table. I felt as though I had been given a terminal diagnosis. I recall it was a very quiet drive home. The surgeon put me on a different blood thinner to, hopefully, break it up. But, I was starting to lose hope.

The struggle was becoming crippling, and the depression was becoming very real. Not just for me, either. Stephanie had also been going through a lot.

And then the "joyous" Holiday Season hit. More crowds, more lights, more traffic, and more sounds that my bruised brain had to process. It was becoming overwhelming, and I wasn't coping well. I became more and more reclusive, more angry, and more with drawn . And , I knew I still had a blood clot in my heart. I had a ticking bomb in my chest . I figured it was just a matter of time.

On New Year's Eve night, I got a call from my brother telling me that our Mom was being hospitalized for scepsis. I told him that I'd be leaving in the morning. Then I told Stephanie, and as she began to pack , I told her I didn't want her to come and that I needed to be alone. That hurt her, more than I intended but, nevertheless, it did.

I left early New Years Day, and I had the road to myself. Looking at about a four hour drive from SW Oklahoma to NE Oklahoma.

At first , I was just reflecting at all that's happened and what I was potentially looking at. And I was angry . Very angry ! But at no time did I think I was praying and I certainly didn’t think He was listening. Just me , by myself, in my truck. But that wasn't the case, at all.

About the time I was starting to go through Tulsa, it became something different. I was starting to address Him. I let Him know mad I was at Him, I told Him this was unjust and cruel. And not just to me, either. It was also cruel to my family. It had traumatized them. I told Him that if this what my future is going to be (young stroke survivors, statistically speaking, don't have a great prognosis) , then I asked Him to finish it. But...there came about point when I said ," I did this to myself . I know I did. But I don't want anyone to have to suffer for this. Please, just finish it. I did this to myself, I'm to blame. But don't kill me in pieces. Finish it.". I was asking Him to kill me right there on that, mostly, empty highway on that New Years Day morning outside Tulsa, Oklahoma.

And I got my answer...it was one word. But it had everything I needed to know. It also revealed something that I hadn't seen .

"WHY"...

It was so resounding. If someone else had been there with me, I would've immediately looked at them as, though, they should've heard it, too. It was actually very jarring. Later, my family would comment how distracted I was for the rest of that day. My brothers and sister-in-law noticed. You bet I was distracted. I was replaying that conversation . I couldn't let it go.

"WHY"

""WHY...do you think you know better than ME to make such a request ?"
"WHY...don't you stay in your lane and let ME be in charge for awhile ."
"WHY...do you think that everything I do is a punishment? Sometimes, I correct."
"My precious boy, WHY don't you just accept that I gave you a gift . You're welcome".

At that instant, it was revealed that many of my memories were muted. I know they happened, but I couldn't relate to them. There was zero attachment to them. Wars and deployments, divorces, custody battles, two decades of the drama and dysfunction of working in a prison. Gone. I couldn't describe to you what the inside of my offices looked like. I couldn't describe what the inside of my previous houses looked like that I shared with my ex's. And if I try to? It'll induce my aphasia and I won't be able to speak at all, because I'm asking my brain to pull up details it can't . I had been released. Our Father had released me from my past. On the rare occasions that I get with former co-workers, when they go to talking about 'the Good 'Ol Days'; I just nod and politely listen. No idea what they're talking about. Stephanie finds it hilarious. She can tell by my facial expression that I might be part of that story, but I have no idea what they're talking about. And it's kinda awesome !

Looking back at 8/28/2019 I realize that I was never in danger that day. That day had been in the works for quite some time. When I was in that bathroom trying to keep myself from falling, a voice came through my head, saying," You can't stay here. MOVE !". I was found soon after on the bedroom floor. Nobody knows, me included, how I was able to get out of that bathroom. I would've had to let go of the sink and I would've fallen on the floor. It would've been much longer until I was found and the clock was ticking. But somehow, I 'moved '(MOVE !").

In February 2020, I had my heart ablation. There wasn't a clot in my heart, anymore.

Glory be to the Father
The Son
And the Holy Spirit..

Merry Christmas , everyone .

Thank you for sharing this. You wrote out better than I can describe similar feeling of confusion, complete simple task, find words and speak when im having MS flair up or relapse whatever its called or which ever it is.

It's been nothing close to as severe as your experience and your willingness to share and positive outlook is beneficial to me personally. Not having your body respond as it should and cognitive issues like not being able to communicate thoughts and blanking out on top of it hit hard. It's hard to impossible to understand the LOARDS plan, and very easy to forget he has this and is in charge.


After my16 month old son was killed in 07 I was struggling with physical injuries, mental and financial issues as well as my wife's physical and mental injuries. It lasted for years.

At some point I woke up with tears running down my face from a dream or vision anyone can pick whatever suits their beliefs im just sharing the experience had.


In the dream my son was there smiling and happy now he was.sto young to talk clearly but there was an overwhelming since of peace he was happy and was trying to tell me it's ok that he was happy and ok. I had the comfortable feeling like my grandfather was looming after him as was God.

I still struggled after that but that's was a bit turning point in me becoming semi functional again. Some that dont believe will say its was just my brain trying to cope and it was a dream. I have no problem with them thinking that. But I know it was a gift/vision from the LOARD. Letting me know my son is ok. More than ok infact.

Sure changed my outlook on dieing. Im in no hurry to be sure but no longer fear it but look for to it.

Had no idea about the MS . May God keep you. And I’m so sorry about the loss of your young son . But, I’m grateful for the comfort extended to you .

I have no idea how I missed about your stroke. Sounds like your doing better and learning to live with any new limitations. ( something im struggle with even admitting I have).

sounds like you had a good spot of luck or Devine intervention making it out of the bathroom and being found as quickly as you were along with haveinf a wife that recognizes the symptoms right away. God was not done with you yet.

Testimonials! Thanks for these, you never know who needs to hear your words.

My friend, I had a lot going for me that day . If one thing had been just a little different, it would’ve been an entirely different outcome.
Here’s a couple of “before and after “ of my scans. They show how much blood was going through my brain before and after the clot removal.

I'm at a loss for words reading your testament and also seeing these angiograms of your brain. Thank the Lord!

Thank you, Kristen . Loved your husband’s account.

I'm so happy to hear that, some won't believe- but the right ones will.

I sure hope so.

I live by it . Now. It scares me knowing He knows my very thoughts. So, I try to guard them. He knows my intentions . As in, " WTH was I just thinking ? ". He's a perfect judge.

Your husband was extended a grace, as it were. Stop . Take a breath. Look up.

Kristen, you might not even know what he'd been struggling with at that moment. He might've not known either. But He did. And that's all the Mr. needed. Comfort..

Aaron, A very good description of an AFIB induced Stroke. A great account of a spiritual crises moment. Manny need that type of event to fully realize their need for God in their life.. Now I understand the changes in your posts. Thank you for posting this.
Blessing and prayers for you.
Ron

Thank you ,Ron . Merry Christmas to you and yours.

And thank you, foxkidd,for starting this thread.

After readings aaron testimony, reading words like God talking by one word, ablation stirred up part of my testimony. Like aaron God spoke to me in 1 word and I appreciate all that he has said.

So I like to share mine as well. Because its another perspective that is some what similar to his and I know some of what his wife was feeling.

A few years ago me and my wife went to a Christian based couples retreat in Branson. This was a 3 day event with many of speakers. When my wife asked me to go I really didnt want to because I didnt think it was needed, because as a couple we were great. However she wanted to attend, I said I would but dont get mad if you get more out of this then me.

So time comes and we go and we get there, day one was fine, went sat listened had a few points I took note of, mostly it was introduction and was only half day. The next day was a whole day, long ole day but a lot of communication homework and how to work on talking skills. After me and Alicia got back to our room we did what was asked, and I was a good husband and played along....

Next is the part where God spoke to me... like aaron 1 word and it was BROKEN.. now I had no idea why it was this word, I could not get this word out of my mind. I could not sleep and it was just being spoke over and over to me. Now I will tell you 1st thought was that some how my marriage was broken and I wasn't seeing it. Needless to say that night I got zero sleep.

So the next few months I was woken up with that word again, not knowing what I needed to do and still yet not seeing my marriage broken I started reading and writing down Gods word so many notes of verses, words and phrases that came to my head is believe I had 5 pages of notes on being broken, still not knowing why!

Flash forward to maybe a year, my daughter who was 8 at that time came to my wife's office who is a the school nurse complaining with her heart beating out of her chest, jello legs, dizzy and tunnel vision. My wife did an exam and her heart beat was super high, and as she listened to kendell she said she heard kendells heart stop for brief second and started right up to a normal beat! After letting her stay in her office for so long kendell was normal and sent her back to class. Confused she called me and told me the story and asked what she thought we should do. I said we'll maybe its a fluke thing and we will just keep and eye on her. Until maybe a month later the same thing happened, alicia called me and said it happened again this is not normal im making an appointment so I took off, took all of Alicia's detailed notes and went to see her pediatrician. With one, standard. Kendell is to get an ekg, and dont let them just tell you its anxiety. So, when got into the room the doctor took Alicia's notes and 1st thing she said its probably just anxiety.. I said im not allowed to leave until you do a full exam and ekg! The doctor laughed and said I will make sure that happens, as she listened to kendells heart I watched her facial expressions. When she was done she told me she heard something not right and that ekg will happen right now.

Few weeks later waiting on the results my wife called and got the results. Wolf Parkinson white syndrome. Not familiar we started googling and that was a mistake!!! The internet made it worse then what it was and panic set in. We got an appointment with a pediatrician cardiologist in st.louis at children's hospital. When we seen the dr there we did leave with a better understanding but scared to death, because they wanted to do an ablation on our 8 year old daughter, they wanted to go into side our daughters heart, burn the extra tissue that was causing the electric pulse in her heart to stop it from just spinning in her heart... BROKEN!

That is what I was BROKEN, something i cant fix, something I am going have to let go and let someone fix!
The surgery was schedule on a later date, and we had to wait! One thing I am horrible at is waiting. Mean while all my words, notes verses, we're there waiting for me.. you see it was on Gods time but he was preparing me to be broken. Like Aaron's wife I was on the outside looking in all there watching the frustration of kenndell because we was told to have her take it easy so we dont get her heart beat up, she couldn't be a kid. She struggled we struggled and it was just do to the un known.

The Sunday before the surgery we all laid hands on kendell that morning and prayed, as the preacher did his sermon God was speaking to me again telling to express my feelings, so after I stuck around to talk to the preacher and the words came out of my mouth I thought never would.. Can I preach tonight! You see all those notes I have been writing has turned into a sermon. This was probably the first time after being saved that I obeyed and just did as told with out arguing and brushing it off because I knew I could not fix this i needed him!

That evening service i did my sermon, over being broken man. When had the surgery all went well, she stayed one night in the hospital, but all came out as God had planned, brought me to my knees to do his will. Since all is normal I have looked more to him, I have preached a few more sermons on Sundays, switched jobs that gave me more time and since then became the youth leader at church.

So if God is speaking i encourage you to listen dont brush it off like I had so many times