Two that come to mind for me and in the correct order were:

1. Poison oak leaves
2. Pumice rock when the urge hit exploring a volcanic caldera.

Yours?

PS. No. 1 on the list I didn’t know would be #1 until the next day!

Used.

excluding things that are not actually toilet paper like poison ivy leaves and 80 grit sand paper.

the single ply gas station mega rolls.

the covid TP shortage caught us with the least amount of TP we had in probably a decade.

my wife worked at the farm co-op the office was in the gas station
she had just ordered a case of the big rolls for the gas station when the TP shortage hit so she quick ordered us a case as well.

we made it through the great TP shortage on that case but don't care to repeat.

Wet TP in the outhouse because the roof leaks is also bad worse than the thing gas station stuff.

The TP we had in grammer school in the 60's was pretty bad, had chunks of wood splinters in it, lol

My socks….

Gravel

This certain type of grass in Idaho that if you don't wipe it the correct direction, it has little barbs/hooks in it.

Old sears catalog.

Nobody travelled in the lands where you eat with the right and wipe with the left?

Birch bark (too brittle)
Rolling papers (too thin)
Sawgrass.....yowzer!

John Wayne toilet paper, it's rough, it's tough and it doesn't take crap off of anyone.

pine cone

Corn stalks don’t work real good. If it comes down to that, you might as well just take off your underwear and use that instead cuz you’re going to end up throwing them out anyway.

The kind where your finger breaks thru! LOL

There's nothing wrong with socks. Nice and soft and absorbent. I've never regretted using socks.

There is actually bamboo toilet paper. I get splinters just thinking about it.

Your socks do a good job, but wearing boots without socks isn't fun. When on camping trips, I find it better to use your friends socks, when they aren't looking.

That shiny plastic like stuff in the Asian countries 50 years ago. don't know if it is still around or not. But did not work well for me---ended up using hand wipes.....jk

The kind I don't have with me when I need it desperately.......

corn cobs

Doesnt anybody wear t-shirts anymore...? With two sleeves, you never need to resort to using half the stuff listed on this thread.

I think our state needs a law that says the TP in public restrooms needs to be the same width as the TP in our legislative building.

How about poison ivy leaves? Yup, this is a no BS’er! As a kid in the woods all the time killing something, I’d taught my kid brother how to wipe his (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman) with leaves when he needed to crap. Well, one day he (about 10 years old) and his best friend at the time were in the woods with bb guns and his friend had to take a crap BUT had never done so without a toilet. No problem, my brother explained how to do it and to wipe with leaves. He used poison ivy leaves! The kid wound up in the hospital for several days with poison ivy rash on his hands, all over his (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman), AND up his rectum!!!

The stuff they use in Sweden. I think they throw a little sand in with the paper pulp; probably to encourage TP conservation. It works.

John Wayne toilet paper. Rough, tough, wont take crap off an indian!

Corn cobs as it’s hard to find the white ones for the second wipe to see if I need the third.

Do you think Vinke smells his fingahs Aftah he wipes ??

Moss can be good, leaves second rate, snowballs not so good.

I especially don't like thin toilet paper that tears easily. I don't like using toilet paper at all. I prefer to shower after defecating.

Keith

dude , that would be bad

you know if you wear boxers you have a few craps built in , cut the leg off for 1 , other leg for 2 and cut what's left in half for 3 and 4

make sure to pack a few extra pair in your trip bag