I am tough as a nail and almost as useful.

& one of my favorites:

If that girl was haulin' [butt] she would have to make 2 trips!

Funner than stomping baby chickens.
Hung like a stud field mouse.
Get more @ss than a toilet seat.

Not worth the powder it would take to blow him to [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot]

Mac

Do farts have lumps? If not, I got a problem.

so old he farts dust,,,,,,,,

Shoot(censsored) fire and save the matches.. Granny used to say it all the time

(Impossible task) you can't polish a turd.

(smart aleck response) actually you can, but it still looks like sh*t.

Gun Nut

Stands out like a new turd in the fog

Stronger than two men and a boy and tough as nails.

Cute as a bugs ear

Dumb as a box of rocks.

Deader than a doornail

Last longer than dayquil in a drunks medicine cabinet.

he's as tight as a crabs butt and thats waterproff

look at the turd cutter on that one.
he couldnt hit the ground with his hat with 3 throws.
I would be all over that like a pack of dogs on a three legged cat.

When I go home to visit my folks in Oregon my dad always says to me if its raining (which is pretty much always), "Thats not rain its liquid sunshine"

slicker than snot on a doorknob

looser than a $2 hooker

This thread started out about the funny sayings from a West Virginia Marine.
I worked with a guy from Kentucky who would use a lot of expressions that I had never heard and I sorta collected them too.
I remember he would refer to a length of pipe as a "stalk" of pipe and connectors and couplings as "end- fittin's and middle-fittin's".
I also remember that if someone would ask him how soon he'd be done with a project he'd reply, "I'm all done cept' for the finishing' up." (You never knew exactly how long THAT was gonna take)

If you asked if he had seen a fellow worker, he would probably say " Its not my day to watch him."
The days just always seemed to go faster when ever I would work with Don.

I was doing that when you was sh$tting yellow !
It will fell better when it quits hurtun ! My luck is so bad I could fall in a barrels of tittys and come out sucking my thumb !!!

One more ! I take my wife with me everywhere so I dont have to kiss her goodbye !!

so poor i can't pay attention
so broke i gotta steal water to cry with
slicker than snot on a raincoat
slicker than deer guts on a pump handle
grinnin like a possum eatin bumblebees

Dryer than a popcorn fart!