Life's to short to dance with ugly women.
Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Its hotter in here than a H@$R in a church

Longer than a dead snake.

I've been to two state fairs and a goat f$ck and ain't never seen nothin like that.

When they said brains he thought they siad trains and he went to meet his

takes one to know one [Please excuse my language... I'm an idiot] .

Like to buy him for what I think he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth!

My credits so bad the banker wouldn't let me borrow his pen.

my grandad about a fight with a boxer-he hit me so fast,i didn't know where to scratch first.then he bear hugged him and squeezed until he passed out.

He's as windy as a sack full of bum holes

that guy is like a fart in a mitten, he's everywhere at once

Boxed in like a turtles pecker

takes a mighty big dog to pee in a rainbarrel

that boy is dumber than a sack full of hammers

That guy couldn't count his balls and come up with the same number twice!

He's as tight as a buzzards @ss in a power dive!

She's big enough to burn diesel

He's so old, he knew the Dead Sea when it was only sick

I like that almost as much as a 'possum likes a pick handle!

Steve

Handier than a hole in your pocket!

Wish in one hand and poop in the other, see which one fills up first!

Hotter than donut grease.